yeahhhsafield

like natalie is the leader; she has her own den and she calls meetings

shauna/tai are essentially deputy leaders (rip shauna you would be loved tigerstar)

lottie is the medicine cat; she’s very isolated and has the most spiritual connection

akhila and travis are essentially her apprentices

but if i did choose to leave i wouldn't have anywhere else to go. it's either "that cool fandom im in," or literally a form of emotional regulation that if i were to suddenly cut off id just feel like shit for the next month

but also it sucks??? it's ruining my ability to enjoy things??

there's spaces i was just straight up pushed out of (i don't really like being triggered) and the spaces im having to drag myself back into

i implore you to imagine this for a second: you can't trust ANYTHING. you don't know what's real or fake. there are a bunch of different people and things shouting different ideas and opinions at you at all times all day every day and you dont know what to believe. it's like having a blindfold put on while people spin you rapidly in a chair and then let you go to stumble towards a moving goalpost.

it's not just opinions, either. it's people, and yourself. but let's focus on the former for a second. you don't know who to trust anymore. this black and white way of thinking makes you suspicious of everybody, because in your mind, you HAVE to be. otherwise you trust the wrong person and get hurt. it's like BPD in that way.

and you can't trust yourself, either.

so eventually, something comes along that, to you, feels like Undeniable Truth. in the case of delusions, it's not actually True, but you can't (fully) convince your mind of that, regardless of who or what tells you it isn't real. your mind has clutched to that truth like a vice because it's the first truth you could actually rely on in a while. it's security in a world that doesn't otherwise have it, regardless of how unpleasant the delusion is. a little part of you, conscious or subconscious, takes comfort in it.

schizophrenia spectrum people who are homeless or experience food insecurity are still deserving of care and compassion without judgement

schizophrenia spectrum people who talk out loud to hallucinations and act erratic in public are still deserving of care and compassion without judgement

schizophrenia spectrum people who cannot work or go to school because of their symptoms are still deserving of care and compassion without judgement

schizophrenia spectrum people who struggle with personal hygiene are still deserving of care and compassion without judgement

schizophrenia spectrum people who don’t want to take medication or cannot adhere to a medication regiment are still deserving of care and compassion without judgement

schizophrenia spectrum people who live with their parents as an adult or needs a carer are still deserving of care and compassion without judgement