clip me to a wall

God I really cannot express how much I despise the UK government for their impending social media ban for under-16s

In my first act as the world's first quadrillionaire, I will launch a takeover bid for Poob for $100 billion dollars, and then with the remaining capital I will invest in an egg salad sandwich and possibly make a strategic apple juice acquisition.

i spoke to a music business person and they said i should try to stay relevant by posting things that seem intimate yet relatable to fans in a way that makes them feel like we're connecting on a deep level, so just letting you guys know i did a really good cum yesterday hope that makes you stream my song <3

*trying to pitch public transportation to Americans* it’s like a legal form of texting while driving

The Reblog (2014)

Bahahahaha love this

The Unnecessary Comment (2014)

The Revival (2026)

I'm not saying everybody needs to have, like, a collection of creepy dolls, disconcerting figurines, and/or mildly horrifying puppets, but if you don't have at least one kicking around somewhere I feel you're missing something essential in your life.

#an obnoxious garden gnome is also acceptable

"girl dinner" "boy kibble" can y'all just eat a meal gender neutrally

gender neutrients

They say that sudden, intense cravings for very specific foods are usually a sign of a vitamin deficiency. If so, that I'm presently making myself french toast, scrambled eggs, and a bacon and cheese sandwich at 11:45 PM must mean the vitamin I'm missing is grease.

I cross-posted this to Bluesky and got followed by a bunch of folks with blog headers clarifying which exact flavour of Christianity they adhere to because they thought I was making a hashtag-relatable post about cheating on your diet. Now we get find out how many of them are also comfortable with posts about werewolf cock.

nosferatu? no. tuferatu. no es mi problema.

no mi circo no mis feratus

you dumb asshole, you just won $0,000

😍fuck