a second beam of hope has stricken my heart

I'm going back to the motherland soon I'm so excited but also recently I've been so insecure about my Dutch... idk if insecure is the right word but when I talk to people my age in Dutch I feel so stilted and unsure... I have no one except my mom to talk to in my day to day life in Dutch and I constantly throw in English words to the point t that I don't even realize I'm doing it... I listen to Dutch music but that doesn't help me talk you know.. it's not that people realize Dutch isn't my first language when I go there but I just feel like Im really not as good as I could me and it makes me so scared I might lose it and makes me worried abt my kids how can I teach my kids Dutch if my Dutch keeps degrading

I think the answer is I move back