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i have another albedo x reader x lohen thought. hold my hand. walk with me
the three of you have fucked around a few times by now, though it's mostly just been one or both of them focusing on you. teasing you, fucking you, teaming up on you. but you can't help but notice there's a simmering tension between lohen and albedo, too.
you know lohen. you just know that he's itching for a fight with him, to test his strength, see exactly what albedo's working with. so he baits him! maybe it's the three of you out in the woods for whatever reason (lohen wanting to get some sparring in in a more secluded area, albedo wanting to enjoy the scenery and paint, etc). lohen poking and prodding and dragging albedo into agreeing to spar with him. really, lohen's also wanting to see more of what makes albedo tick. lohen's got a few things he's weak to on hand, but he wants to see him flustered properly, get a good reaction. maybe even fuck him, depending.
...and albedo knows his game well; he can practically smell the brat on him. he agrees to the spar, of course, hiding any indication that he's planning something. you simply sit back in the grass, basking in the sunlight and enjoying the show, and your jaw drops when albedo actually pulls out some underhanded tricks! maybe using alchemy or his mastery over geo to get lohen restrained. how the tables have turned, hm??
and albedo ends up fucking him instead. gives him plenty of leeway to back out, of course, to say he doesn't want it; lohen is stubborn, but eventually admits that, yes, he really, really does, so if albedo could please just get it over with already-
naturally lohen is trying to fight for dominance the entire time, trying to find an opportunity to flip the situation on albedo again, to take control. but the restraints don't allow for any slack, and albedo is no idiot.
and albedo isn't mean, exactly, no. but the fascinated, slightly condescending tone he uses as he picks lohen apart contrasts sharply with the way he's so careful when he speaks to you. he doesn't degrade lohen, he isn't cruel, but he pinpoints just how to get to him. teases him, even, in ways you wouldn't dare. "this spar was your idea, was it not?", "oh, right there? you glare at me, but i'm right, aren't i?", "mm, i suppose you should have tried a bit harder then. i'm only... how did you put it before? 'claiming my prize?'"
it isn't long before albedo's got him on the verge of cumming. working lohen up, dragging him closer and closer to the edge, watching him shake and his eyes start to roll back-
and tightly wrapping a gloved hand around the base of his cock, preventing him from cumming.
as lohen thrashes beneath the chief alchemist, broken, angry moans cutting through the slew of cursing he directs above him, you can't help but bring your hand up to cover your mouth in disbelief. both because it's really hot, but also... it's so fucking funny to see lohen get a taste of his own medicine, getting knocked down a peg. you don't even realize you're grinning until it's too late.
...albedo's eyes are half lidded with a soft, wicked smile as he grabs lohen's face, tilting it to make sure he sees your expression, sees you laughing. he waits until lohen fully processes it, and you stare like a deer in headlights as albedo pulls out.
"Who in the expeditionary force is the one who fights for the pure love of combat itself, not for glory, not for victory even?"
Pose this question to someone from Mondstadt, the answer would almost always be the same: a certain prank-loving figure, often seen chewing bubblegum, who nonetheless steps to the very front at the most critical moments... that is, Lohen.
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Hoyo really does just want us all to explode at this point, huh
with tears in his clothing and cuts on his body and his cheek and he's smiling still holding his dagger like youre joking. youre actually joking this is a prank
Ajax discovers Lohen gets off on having his hair pulled after he whoops his ass and grabs a handful of his hair and Lohen fucking moans in response.. chilohen ily
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Summary : In which, you find a poisoned meal at your doorstep every morning. And so, you make it your life's motto to savor it and provide your thoughts.
Much to Lohen's dismay, you never seemed particularly impressed by any of his carefully crafted poisons.
While most love stories begin with flowers, yours began with poison.
Most people reacted poorly to poison. They cried, screamed, and maybe even succumbed to death.
You, apparently smiled.
Lohen had first heard the rumor by accident.
"Apparently the new medic (Y/N) has a strange fascination with toxins," a knight muttered over drinks.
He hadn’t meant to care. He really hadn’t. But something about the word 'fascination' lodged itself under his skin like a splinter that refused to be ignored.
So, naturally, he did what any reasonable man with too much curiosity and too little restraint would do—he investigated.
Two alchemists confirmed it later, whispering that you had once voluntarily tasted diluted snake venom just to observe its effects.
That further piqued his curiosity.
And what better way to find out the truth than test the rumor himself?
After a day of locking himself in his house, he had come up with his very own poison. Made from the remains of a dendro slime, mixed with a few crushed petals of Dendrobium, and a generous splash of expired alcohol stolen from the Cat’s Tail.
He didn't know if it was truly toxic. In fact, he just mixed random ingredients he found revolting.
He wasn't planning on truly poisoning you after all. In its current concentration, it would merely cause temporary numbness (maybe).
And so he placed a cute little package in front of your house (he stole the documents that held information of those working under the Grand Master to find your address). Inside the package was a plate of Hash Brown he had cooked himself.
Of course, the poison was sprinkled on top as well.
He knocked on the door to your house and hid in a bush nearby.
He watched the door open, a shiver of excitement going down his spine.
But when you stepped out, his eyes widened. You weren’t what he had imagined. Not old, not bitter, not hunched over with tired eyes and stained robes.
You looked... young and composed. Normal in fact.
You glanced at the package, shrugged, and brought it inside.
The next day, he had half hoped there would be some commotion. Instead, nothing happened.
Lohen found that significantly more unsettling than if you had screamed.
Did you not open it?
Did you die?
Worse, did you throw it away?
By the second day, irritation curdled into curiosity again, and curiosity dragged him back to your house.
He hadn’t even reached the door when something stopped him.
A box.
His box.
He stared at it, then at the note pinned neatly on top.
It read-
---
Observation Log
Possible dendro slime derivative.
Taste profile:
Slight bitterness.
Floral aftertaste.
Perhaps traces of alcohol.
Symptoms:
Tingling lips.
Mild numbness in fingers.
Onset approximately twenty-five seconds.
Conclusion:
Sloppily made poison.
---
He stared at the handwriting. The faint smell of alcohol lingering on the hastily ripped paper.
'..... Sloppy?' he scoffed, annoyance creeping up into his face. He crumbled the paper, staring at the door with a sadistic smile.
"Fine then. I'll show you real poison."
The next morning, another box appeared at your doorstep.
Like last time, you took it into your home. You had no idea who was delivering these, but the last package being drenched in a mild toxin made it interesting enough for you to open.
You tore open the box.
This time, it was a plate of mushroom pizza.
"Oh, that looks delicious." you muttered to yourself, noticing the unusual purple coloring on the crust.
You reached and held a piece of the pizza near your mouth. And without a care, you took a huge bite from the area where the coloring was the brightest.
The following day, Lohen returned to find another note on your doorstep. This time it was more detailed than the last.
---
Observation Log
Low concentration of Aconitum.
Taste profile:
Initial sweet-bitter note.
Followed by burning sensation.
Symptoms:
Numbness.
Dizziness.
Loss of strength.
Conclusion:
Good posion. Easily countered.
Although, I liked the taste of the pizza.
(attached are my other observations)
---
There were six pages attached.
Six.
Lohen stared, flipping through the pages with a smile. "God. She's insane."
This started the exchange of poisons and paper notes.
The next package that Lohen put on your doorstep had a small note of his own.
---
To the Medic
Firstly, fuck you.
Secondly, you missed a secondary ingredient. (Hint : It was Naku weed)
Thirdly, thank you for complimenting the pizza.
I made it myself.
---
Your response appeared the next morning.
---
To the Poisoner
1. Rude.
2. I did not miss the ingredient. Naku weed has no toxic properties. Just color.
3. The posion on the crust was obvious. Are you perhaps new to this poisoning thing?
---
Your responses pissed the Vice captain even more. Because how dare a lowly medic like you have the audacity to critic his cooking?!
He tried even harder after that.
More precise blends. Better masking. Controlled dosages. Carefully calibrated ingredients. Tried perfecting the recipe so you couldn't find any faults.
Everything.
After making sure everything was perfect, he delivered the next package. A plate of Northern Apple Stew.
The reply next day was written in a crumbled paper with messy handwriting.
---
Rules for Future Poisoning
1. No explosive diarrhea.
2. No permanent injury.
3. No organ damage.
4. No blindness.
5. No poisoning children.
6. Food should remain edible
---
Lohen rolled his eyes at the rules. "Killjoy." To him these rules just were unnecessary boundaries that ruined his fun.
But he never wanted to stop this exchange between the two of you. It was much too entertaining for him.
Unknown to him, that night ended with you locking yourself in your room. Having non stop diarrhea for hours.
Soon the notes became longer than the poisons themselves.
One morning, the package you opened had a plate of Cream Stew.
And this time the note attached had a list of ingredients used.
---
Current Theory
The toxin should produce localized muscle weakness.
Estimated duration:
Two hours.
Possible side effects:
Dizziness.
Drowsiness.
Complaining.
Will you be able to guess what I used (Y/N)? °^°?
---
Three days later Lohen received something he could only call a report.
A dossier.
Twenty-two pages which included diagrams, charts, annotated symptom timelines.
And corrections.
So many corrections.
---
Page 14: dosage error.
Page 17: please stop using kitchen spoons as lab tools.
Page 19: “Did you eyeball the concentration?”
---
Unfortunately Lohen had. And he hated that you noticed.
Months passed and somehow it became a routine.
Your medic colleagues grew increasingly worried seeing you drowsy every other day.
"Do you know who keeps sending you poison?" one asked.
You shook your head. "No, not really."
"Shouldn't that concern you?"
You looked confused. "Why?"
"Because they're poisoning you...?"
You blinked. Honestly, if the person wanted to kill you, they could have used other deadly toxins. Yet, they always made sure to use small doses and non lethal ingredients.
You smiled to yourself. "They are very considerate actually."
"... Oh." the medic froze.
You tapped a finger on your cheek. "They also have lovely handwriting."
"..."
The medic walked away. Unable to continue the conversation.
Lohen, meanwhile, was also not doing well.
Varka had his suspicions when he first saw the crazed man laughing while tasting the exotic plants he had ordered.
One day, while Lohen was away on a mission, he broke the lock of his drawer and read through all the papers in there.
Papers about toxic plants. Possible ingredients. And of course, all the notes you had written to him.
He ran a hand through his hair. "What the hell is happening in Mondstadt?"
Varka immediately dragged Lohen by the collar and pushed him into the store you worked in to apologize.
You looked up from your desk and instantly recognized him as your mysterious poisoner.
Not by his face. But by his hands.
The stained fingertips. The chemical burns. The ink marks. The quiet proof of obsession.
"Oh," you smiled softly. "It's you."
Lohen blinked.
Varka shoved him forward. "Apologise to the lady Lohen."
Oh. So his name was Lohen.
The boy looked deeply offended. "I don't want to."
"Apologize." The Grand Master repeated, his gaze cold.
Lohen sighed dramatically. Then glanced toward you. "...Sorry for poisoning you."
You immediately shook your head, a small laugh escaping your lips. "There is so need for apologies. I should be thanking you actually."
Silence.
Even Varka froze.
You continued, brighter now. "The poisons were genuinely fascinating."
Varka looked horrified.
"I learned to make dozens of new antidote!"
Lohen stared. Mesmerized.
"Also the toxins were quite creative! Honestly, every morning became something to look forward to."
Varka took a breath, and turned his gaze to the ceiling, perhaps praying to Barbatos why they allowed these two people to exist.
"Also the notes were fun!" you added, opening your drawer and placing a the stack of notes you had carefully stapled.
Lohen wasn't even listening anymore.
Because you were smiling.
At him.
Because of him.
Because he had poisoned you.
It was a stupid conversation. The girl in front of him was grateful for poisoning her. It was reckless, idiotic and yet...
At that moment his heart made some several terrible decisions.
He realised.
With a lot of hesitation...
That-
'Oh.'
'Oh no.'
'You were kinda cute.'
He had known your name for months. Known where you worked. Known your habits. Your favorite medicinal herbs. The way your handwriting became messier when excited.
But seeing you in person? Actually talking to you?
He was finished.
Absolutely in love.
That night he didn't sleep. Instead he sat at his desk surrounded by herbs, powders, vials, and failed formulas, staring at his next experiment like it might hold divine answers.
Most men wrote poetry.
Most men gifted flowers.
Most men confessed.
But Lohen was not most men.
He lifted a vial of deep red liquid, watching it swirl under lamplight with a manic smile. "If she barely liked the last one... I'll just make one that is even better."
And thus began the greatest romantic pursuit in history.
Not through gifts or heartfelt letters.
But through an escalating series of increasingly sophisticated poisons.
Lohen's new life goal was simple.
Create a poison so fascinating, so beautiful so perfect....
That when you tasted it—
You'd fall hopelessly in love with its creator.
Unfortunately for him, the only thing you fell in love with was the chemical composition.
Fin
😭 😭 😭 I CANT WITH THIS GUY. I FEEL LIKE HE'S SOMEONE WHO'D GIFT YOU A BOMB CUZ HE LOVES YOU.
Some of the ingredients used r actually toxic while others r just bs. I tried making it as Canon as possible but I'm sure there r some mistakes. Sorry abt tht.
Anyway! Hope you enjoyed! Let me know your thoughts.
The season of summer is a torture disguised as a paradise, with scorching heat and relentless humidity that drain the energy out of even the most enthusiastic sun lover.
The heat licking at your skin feels like a relentless assault, with the disgusting feeling of sweat dripping down your back and soaking through your clothes while also building up a second layer of flesh that sticks uncomfortably to your body.
Your eyes sting from the harsh glare of the sun, dropping tiredly from the sky like a relentless spotlight, while your mouth dries up from the constant need for hydration in the oppressive heat.
"Loheeennnn," you whined to your best friend, appearing normal as usual because he's the one who's currently enjoying the scorching weather with a cold blue popsicle in his hand, while you stand there, feeling like you're melting into a puddle of misery.
"Do you have one left?" you said, pointing at the popsicle. Your expression twisted in discomfort, and you tugged the collar of your shirt repeatedly to receive temporary relief from the sticky fabric.
He just stared at you as if he couldn't understand why you were complaining, smirking teasingly at your dramatic reaction to the heat. He licked the head of the popsicle, making sure he added obscene slurps and exaggerated moans of satisfaction just to rub it in further. His pinkish tongue swirls on the underside of the frozen treat, his eyes never leaving yours as he takes another slow, deliberate lick. You wish you had one, don't you? He thought.
His chest rumbled with laughter at the sight of your disapproving gaze. He almost choked on his popsicle when you suddenly shoved his shoulder out of spite, giving you a warning glare. "Hey, knock it off," he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Not my fault you didn't get one for yourself."
You roll your eyes, knowing he's just trying to get a rise out of you. "Not my fault you didn't get one for yourself," you repeated, crossing your arms in mock annoyance. "Whatever, go choke on your popsicle for all I care." You turn away, still tugging the collar of your shirt to cool yourself down from the heat of the childish banter.
Lohen scoffed, shaking his head in amusement at your reaction. He knows this is just the response from the heat that was making your mood more irritable than usual. His fingers started to feel sticky from the melting popsicle in his hand; he immediately slurped the sweet, fruity liquid before it dripped onto his clothes. "Ah, shit…" he cursed under his breath.
You held your head high, making an "mmphm!" sound of satisfaction. "Serves you right,"
This brat…
He gave you a deadpan look before passing the popsicle over to you. "Here," he said.
You turned your head and glanced at the icy treat, your eyes widening at how the juice was slowly dripping down the stick. "Lohen, it's dripping!" you exclaimed, pointing at the disaster in the making.
However, your best friend quirked a brow. "Then, lick it off for me?" he teased, a sly glint in his eyes.
You grumbled under your breath, and you attempted to reach over for the popsicle, but Lohen's grip on the stick remained firm. "Dude, I won't be able to lick it off if you don't let me have it," you whined, trying to sound exasperated.
"You can do just fine licking the popsicle from my hand," Lohen replied, nudging the sweet treat to your awaiting lips.
You gave him a look. "The fuck?"
"Come on, come on." Lohen urged, slightly shaking the popsicle in front of you. "Stop complaining," he added with a faux pout.
You rolled your eyes as you slightly lowered your head to lick the underside of the melting treat, feeling the cold sweetness hit your tongue, then working up to the top as your mouth hollowed out to take in more of the delicious blueberry flavor.
Your lips were coated with glossy remnants of the popsicle, while your tongue was painted blue from the vibrant color.
You were too busy finishing the sugariest treat to ever notice your best friend's lustful eyes.
Lohen’s gaze darkened as he watched your tongue glide along the melting popsicle, slow and deliberate, just like he’d done earlier to tease you.
The way your lips wrapped around the icy length, hollowing your cheeks to suck in more of that dripping blueberry sweetness, sent a sharp heat straight to his groin that had nothing to do with the summer sun.
Fuck… just like that, he thought, imagining it wasn’t the popsicle at all but his own cock sliding between those glossy lips.
Your tongue swirling on the underside, catching every bead of juice before it could spill. Fuck, he could picture it perfectly: his throbbing dick in place of that melting treat sliding between your slick lips while you hollowed your cheeks just like that.
Your pretty tongue is swirling around the head, teasing the sensitive underside with those same eager laps, coating him in your warm spit instead of blueberry juice.
He imagined the kind of obscene slurps you’d make, the way your lips would stretch wide around his girth, glossy and swollen as you took him deeper, sucking with that hungry little mouth until drool mixed with precum dribbled down your chin.
Then you would glance upwards with your eyes half-lidded and wearing the most fucked-out expression. "I want more..." you would say while wrapping his cock in your hand and stroking it with a firm grip and teasingly licking the slit at the tip.
Lohen uncomfortably shifted in his stance, feeling the hardness of his pants growing as more inappropriate thoughts started to invite themselves unwillingly.
His fingers tightened around the stick, knuckles turning white. He wanted to do more than let you suck so prettily…
He wanted to push it deeper, forcing the cold treat down your throat until you choked and sputtered around it, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes from the sudden intrusion. Just to see you struggle a little, just to hear those pretty little gags while your throat tightened.
He wanted it. He wanted it. He wanted it so fucking bad.
Meanwhile, you finally pulled back for air, licking a stray drop from the corner of your mouth, and caught him staring. That intense, hungry look on his face was impossible to miss, and you know him far longer to recognized that look anywhere.
"You wish that was you, huh?" you said, voice low and teasing, a smirk tugging at your slick lips.
Lohen snapped out of it, blinking once, then scoffed. Before you could pull away completely, his free hand came up, fingers threading into your hair as he pushed your head further toward the popsicle.
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