Stay sassy.

Living with an introvert is great when I want my alone time, but when I fancy a natter it’s hard as often times she’s either working or in her bedroom, and even when she’s out in the lounge she’s watching her stuff on telly in silence. It’s a shame because we really bonded at the start of all this lockdown shite and used to have a proper laugh, but now it’s like she doesn’t want much company. Maybe it’s just getting to both of us now, I don’t know. I keep thinking of moving to Mum’s temporarily but that’s risky in itself as she’s a nurse. She’s been living on her own through all this though so I know she’d WANT to talk to me! Argh, I hope I can come to some sort of decision soon.

If you’re going to use a social media platform, don’t be surprised if people disagree with your views. Especially if said views are incredibly racist, you can’t say racist things and act all shocked when people distance themselves from you! There’s a difference of opinion, and then there’s that. I’ve got no place for racists in my life, usually I’d try and debate said views first but I am mentally Exhausted as it is so I think some folks could do with a good look inside themselves to see why they think the way they do instead of lashing out at everyone else who disagrees with their hate-filled nonsense.

I see protests about a serious issue in a different way to scenes of packed beaches and parks that have come to light recently, but I’m sincerely worried that this is going to set this country back massively. Loosening of lockdown restrictions and politicians breaking lockdown rules seems to have made people go “fuck it, it’s over”, as if we’ve not been trying to keep the NHS from being overwhelmed. The virus is still out there! The more it spreads again, the more trouble the NHS will be in! The numbers over the next couple of weeks will be VERY telling indeed, I do hope my worries are for nothing.

It seems that furlough-bashing has become the new benefits-bashing. I’ve been on both, and let me tell you, neither are fun! If this furlough goes on for much longer (giving it another month tops) without me being called back to work, I’ll be job hunting as it’s going to become clearer to me over time whether my current job will still exist after all this. That worry combined with not being able to go anywhere or even see my family is pretty troublesome. But sure! I’m having a free holiday! What a joy this is! I mean, my mental health has never tanked so much but wow this is the life of Riley! All paid for by the tax payers, including myself because I’m still receiving taxable income! Yippee!

I’m an irritable little ball of rage today and it’s been made worse by my housemate having a confidential Zoom meeting in the communal area so I can’t even walk through to use the kitchen. Usually that would be water off a ducks back to me but I just wanted easy access to my lunch instead of having to go out to get something!!! I hope this furlough ends soon because I think I’m going bananas.

One of my friends proper pissed me off last night. Not only did she make a dickish comment about me being furloughed (like I’m so sorry you still have to work but it’s not like I was given a choice!?), I found out that she’s broken lockdown to get laid. Both her and this bloke still have to go out to work (she’s a teacher ffs) so I honestly can’t believe how idiotic this is! And this came to light after telling her that my great aunt had passed away just the other night from this virus, which she was quite tactless about and all. Honestly man, this whole ordeal has made me question some of my friendships, there’s some wronguns out there.

Seen a petition to get gyms and leisure centres open again, honestly how are people so fucking dense?! I’ve not gone for weeks without seeing friends and family only for Billy Big Biceps to go swanning back into the weights section, sweating all over everything and not wiping it down afterwards! And I’m saying all this as a big fan of the gym. I miss the benefits to my mental health, sure, but home workouts are a thing if you’ve got space, or go do laps around the park if you are so inclined, long as you keep your damn distance! Some folk can’t even do that, let alone be trusted in the gym again. Can you tell it’s got under my skin?! Jeez.

Amazes me that there’s still blokes out there that think I’m happy to go round theirs and bang, in the midst of a pandemic and lockdown. We can’t shag 2 metres apart ffs, and no wearing masks does not count. I can’t believe I’m actually typing this right now!

Damn I haven’t stayed up until this time in the morning for a long long long time, back in my college days maybe?! Dang, I am old. I am also v tired so let’s hope my second attempt at sleep is more successful than the first or tomorrow is going to be a Nothing kinda day! It’s a good job I’m furloughed at the mo, not like I necessarily need to function as a human tomorrow anyway hahaha, sheeeesh!

It’s my birthday on Monday, would it be wrong of me to use my birthday money on a cheapo games console??? Bored out of my tree, not used to this being stuck at home nonsense. Also my mum informed me yesterday that she and her fellow nurse colleagues are preparing to be deployed to the coronavirus wards. So yeah, pls excuse me if I use this site to document my intense anxiety about that! Glad I’m getting more medication soon, gonna need a strong dose of that shit.

This whole worldwide situation is absolutely breaking me. Knowing that it could be many weeks, maybe even months, before I can see my family again and it be safe to do so is so painful. I know it’s for the best, but it hurts so damn much. My Mum is a nurse and she knows that eventually she’ll be called to help out if the crisis worsens, so tonight she’s made the decision to no longer visit my Nan for a while. She’ll get the shopping in for Nan but that’s it, so we’ve made a pact to all check in on her regularly over video chat. She gets lonely and depressed if she’s by herself too much so regular contact is essential! So yeah, that’s the plan for now. I can’t get my head around all this and I’ve cried every day but I know I have to toughen up as it’s not over yet and it’s not going to be an easy ride.