♔ meant for more.

// August 15, 2019 //

I’m back. It’s been... years to say the least.

I used to use Tumblr as a means to keep a record of my life and to share my deeper thoughts. Then I got caught up in the “adulting” of career, relationships, online-shopping, Netflixing & all the other things we do to try and make it seem like we have a “balanced” life. 

I hope to make this a regular thing. I wanted to dive in deep from the beginning but I’m really trying to get better at making baby-step goals for myself so I don’t feel disappointed off the bat when I don’t reach them - you get me?

Here’s to the 2nd half of 2019 and my return to Tumblr. Trusty ol’ Tumblr. Here’s to my new gym pass I purchased last week & my goal to at least go twice a week to start. And here’s to some intimate, real-talk posts about ALL OF THE FEELINGS. I also will continue to share the various funny & inspiring re-posts too of course. Also - my ‘art’ I’ve been creating!

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself up for me.” 

- Galatians 2:20

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We’ve all heard it before. “Christianity is not a religion, but a relationship.” It may not be as easy to understand how profound this is until we compare it to our earthly relationships.

We don’t like people interrupting us when we’re talking to them. It hurts us when people choose being with someone else rather than being with us. When people bail/flake on us after we’ve planned a whole night out. Screening and ignoring our texts and calls...

We don’t get to know them. They don’t know us. And the care for each other dissipates. Really think about relationships in your life that feel like this. Honestly, you don’t feel like a priority to them do you? And they become less of a priority to you as well don’t they? It hurts doesn’t it..?

God loves me. God loves you. God created us. That makes Him our Dad. Dad wants to spend time with us. He wants us to get to know Him. He reveals Himself to us when we ask Him to. He forgives us and wants us to learn to forgive like He does. He picks us up when we fall and He fixes us up. He is patient with us and wants us to learn to be patient too. He tries so hard to call us but we like to screen or ignore His calls. He tries to take us on a one on one date, but we sort through our texts and who came up with a more exciting sounding plan for the night. Drinks downtown sound way more fun, so we flake on Him for that and pull the “definitely next time though” card. Can you really say you have a relationship with this person? Can you really say you have a deep relationship with God? Where do your priorities really lie? Does it even bother you? How much time did you spend playing Pokemon Go today? How much time did you spend on Snapchat? How much time did you spend gossiping about people with your coworkers? How much time did it take you to binge watch the entire season of that Netflix original series? How many hours did you spend online shopping to spend majority of your income on those designer jeans? It bothers us so much when our best friends or boyfriend/girlfriend don’t want to make time for us and would rather do the above listed things... but we do the same to God and don’t even think twice about it. 

Let’s intentionally make and spend time with God this week. Pray and have conversation with Him. Listen to worship music & reflect on the lyrics and what they mean to you. Reflecting on what He means to you in your relationship with Him. Say sorry for being so absent. Thank Him for waiting for you the entire time it took you to realize you didn't even really notice He was there.

“Touch the Sky” - Hillsong United

of Dirt and Grace

My heart beating, my soul breathing I found my life when I laid it down Upward falling, spirit soaring I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground

I was unemployed for 2 months. Each day I wondered & tried to plan out what my next steps would be. I was going to do it. I was going to go after my dreams.

But it felt tiring. It felt so selfish. I got over it when I realized that I wasn’t getting anywhere. I wasn’t happy & I was starting to get a little nervous...

And then I just decided that I would give all my time to the Lord. I mean... it’s His to begin with anyway. I just enjoyed my time in His presence. Remembering all He had done for me in the past. I remember how He provided. How He made me laugh. How He lifted me up in times where I felt hopeless.

And then I got hired. To a place I didn’t think I’d be able to ever go again. He works in those crazy ways ya’know? Also, in the most random way at the most random time when it could have been the last thing I would have expected.

The number one thing I promised myself, as I was offered my new job, was to always remember to be thankful to the Lord. To work hard for Him. To represent Him in all things. Even through the tiredness of that work life schedule, that I would make time to enjoy His company. And I really made it my priority.

I’ve just finished my 2nd week & I’ve been given a new challenge & responsibility at work. Basically a promotion from my current position that I was hired in for. An amazing opportunity that doesn’t just come to anyone.

And my first thought as I was given this opportunity was, “Thank you Lord for your unfailing faithfulness.” Wow... Only He could provide me with this opportunity. I feel like Joseph who was in jail but continued to be faithful & worshiped the Lord. The Lord remembered Joseph’s faithfulness in worship, hard work and hope. He was made the right hand of Pharaoh & was put in a high place with a name for himself. 

I want to work hard for the Lord & to represent who He is. I want to be hard working, honest, diligent, patient & go above and beyond in all that I do so that I can bring glory & honor to His name as a follower & child.

With so much chaos during this week, I seriously felt so defeated at the end of the night. My heart was heavy and it felt so clouded.

But man, prayer seriously does crazy things. HE does crazy things. When I thought that things could only go downhill from where I was, I cried out to Him in repentance and brokenness, surrendering myself and my own control. And then He overcame the enemy that brought the heaviness and condemnation.

I felt freedom. I felt LOVE. God’s love. Mercy... Compassion... Grace...

I don’t deserve it. This I know for sure. Especially with my flesh’s frustrations and anger and feeling of defeat...And when we are in that place where we have fallen so hard, we realize that we can’t do it alone. But only God can take us out, and He doesn’t fail to come to our rescue.

He can overcome everything & open up our hearts to what He is trying to teach us.

Forgiving us. Redeeming us. Restoring us.

It’s so amazing...

I thank God for the wonderful brothers and sisters who fight the good fight with me. I thank God for challenging me and molding me. I thank God for trusting me as He guides me through a time of pruning and sanctification

love. seems so simple. but it’s the hardest thing to do...

God’s law isn’t meant to restrain us & make us feel enslaved. It protects us & keeps us Christ-like. It helps us challenge our flesh & to grow. Consequences are the worst. But lessons must be learned. While I can be disappointed, the only way to move forward is to be thankful. It could always be worse.

Repentance isn’t meant to shame us. It’s to liberate us & let it go & give it to God. To express our disappointments and hurting... to be healed and renewed...

It really is hard. Especially when you’re in a hole you’ve dug for yourself and pain is surrounding you in the moment. But when things happen, they happen for a reason and we can’t turn back time anyway, right?... Let it be a lesson. Let it make you grow into someone wiser.

If lovin’ people was easy, we would have world peace & a lot less struggle in life.

Lord, soften my heart for the lost & broken. Though the people around me may be worldly, help me to only continue in becoming kingdom minded & Christ-like… Transforming into loving like You do…

Wow… Just take time to digest that… Deepest suffering of Christ for our good…