supposedly happy | wangxian au (given)
listen to this while reading
inspired by the anime given
angst
one shot
The feeling of performing on stage for the first time. Nervousness? Adrenaline rush? Exciting? Scary?. Lan Wangji is having mixed feelings , it was his first time standing at the middle of the stage after all. Anyone would've never guessed he was feeling that way , his dull expressions would only be visible for them but to the ones close to him could tell heâs actually anxious. Not many people could read Lan Wangji; his Uncle ,his brother and him.
If it wasnât for Mo Xuanyu accidentally hearing him humm a song, he wouldnât have been there at the center. He found a friend in Mo Xuanyu, in fact he was the one that encouraged him to write lyrics for the band. Lan Wangji wasnât good at expressing feelings so naturally it took weeks before he finally found inspiration in writing one, focusing on his muse and deeper feelings. And then it was time for their performance, their band name âLightâ was called.
The air felt different, along with the cheers from the audience. Lan Wangjiâs limbs were shaking uncontrollably, but when he took a deep breath and looked at the crowd he snapped out of it and went back to reality. The drummer tapped his drumsticks and counted down to three and finally he strummed his guitar, hand placements were messy but tolerable. After the intro the music toned down into a slower beat, the crowd were wide eyed along with his band members when he started singing.
Just like The snow that won't completely melt away ,I keep with me these feelings deep inside .Just let me know the words Should I just close Now ,The door that guards strongly this love?
In his mind all he could think about was that one person. He met him one summer, asking him to be his friend, Lan Wangji was just peacefully sitting at the swing then. In Lan Wangjiâs nature, he couldnât keep up on the latterâs energy, as a teenager it was given that the latter would have that much energy, enough to tire Lan Wangji out. After all of the things the latter have done, Lan Wangji felt his heart beating faster than normal every time he smiles at him.
It wasnât in his plan but as time went by, the feelings were deeper and he couldnât hide it anymore so instead he hid himself away from him and everyone, afraid of his feelings being found out. The latter kept on knocking at Lan Wangjiâs door. The door that separates both of their hearts, once it's opened then thereâs no turning back at all. Lan Wangji with the hopes of his feelings melting away only grew stronger when he was held in the latterâs arms.
You're my everything and now,My soul keeps calling for you And,now I am completely in love.
Lan Wangji then decided to embrace the other and be unrestrained when it comes to falling deeper. He still remembers the way they kissed for the first time, under the street lamps at midnight. The way he looked down at the shorter manâs face, his smile brighter than any lights or stars above them, the eyes shining as if Lan Wangji was the only one in the world, he was his world.
He wouldnât forget about the times heâd quarrel with his family to fight for him, the times where itâs just the both of them against everyone. He was Lan Wangjiâs everything and he couldnât afford to lose him.
Just walk right now along with me. Through all the ways that we can go.I ask right now don't let me go. With no goodbyes or moving on. Just stay with me, wherever I go
Lan Wangji singed his heart out, emotions filled with regrets and unspoken words finally being expressed,but with no one receiving those on the other end of the line. It was like there was a projector playing all of the memories he had with this man, all he could think about right now was him, and only him. He messed up a few chords from time to time. He sang along with the heavy burdens in his heart, all he wanted was to walk with him until the end. Without any warnings nor letters, he ended his own life.
Don't let me be alone,The spell or maybe curse has not been broken yet. I'm still holding the baggage that I had, Just please relieve this pain.
Everyday he carried the pain of losing his loved one, although he continued existing, there was no reason to live anymore. It was a long time since he felt he was truly alone again. Ever since he got into his life, the once dull and colorless world Lan Wangji suddenly bursts with colors. The strong feeling of regret still surrounds his mind, he wished he could have stood beside him, he wished he told him what he was feeling, he wished that he could at least take away his pain. It was noticeable, something changed, but he shrugged it off knowing that he probably wouldnât tell him because he doesn't want Lan Wangji to worry. He wished and still wishes that heâs right next to him.
He never really thought he would say goodbye to him one day, until now he darenât say goodbye because Lan Wangji was still holding on to that small bit of hope that he would hold his hands again.
Hey, what's our future? What should I keep on waiting for? What am I supposed to find? In this cold place, let me know.
The days after his death, Lan Wangji found himself strolling around the places they used to go together. The familiar scenarios , signs and even the vendors were still there, but the person he went with wasnât. Lan Wangji hoped that heâd bump into him, impossible but he was still hoping it could happen, that one day he would wake up from this nightmare with him laying by his side. It took Lan Wangji a few weeks to sink in that heâs never coming back, he broke down at the swing he once sat at the day he met the boy, until he got used to going to that certain place almost everyday as if heâs waiting for someone that will never come.
In the end, when the sun loses its light and the moon shows up, he would call it a day and return to his house.
The tears are falling from my eyes, They're freezing everything inside. Under this beautiful blue sky, They're just pretending to be kind
He could feel it, the numbness. Lan Wangji just wanted to cry, but he canât. He clutched his chest, Lan Wangji lost control. In reality even if he wanted to scream all the pain away, there was no one willing to listen and understand him. Lan Wangji picked up the red guitar, not knowing what to do with it, only memories of him playing a song for Lan Wangji lingers when he eyes the guitar.
Lan Wangji didnât notice himself tearing up as he sang the words that were meant for him. Mo Xuanyu even spotted some people wiping their eyes, the way Lan Wangji sang made them feel like they were mourning too, he was so emotional that even the others could empathize with him.
And around the time. they fall down my face. Two people who were always together are torn apart.
That's all there is to this story.
âWei Yingâ, the boy hummed in response, âWei Wuxianâ Lan Wangji held his hands, âI love youâ. Wei Wuxian didnât expect Lan Wangji to say those three words first, so Wei Wuxian said, â Lan Zhan! I love you, I fancy you, I want you, I whatever youâ, hugging Lan Wangji tight, never wanting to let go of his embrace. Two people molded perfectly with each other, The sun that gives his light to the moon and the moon that wouldnât shine without the sun. The total opposite of each otherâs personality binded by love that made them fit for one another. A happy love story, supposedly happy.
Lan Wangji still canât forgive himself when one day before Wei Wuxianâs passing, he blurred out the words he never really meant. âAre you willing to die for me then?â Lan Wangji coldy told Wei Wuxian, it was out of anger. Those words pierced through Wei Wuxianâs heart. The next thing Lan Wangji knew after they parted ways, He went to Wei Wuxianâs house to apologize, but what welcomed him was the sight heâd never forget. It wasnât supposed to happen, they were supposed to end up growing old together.
Just like that, the two people that could barely be seen without the other were torn apart. An unfortunate ending of a supposedly happy love story. In Wei Wuxianâs mind, he proved to Lan Wangji how much he loved him.
Even if your everything loses its shape one day,You'll always be here within me. As I try to move forward again, Even though I couldn't say goodbye. You'll always be here with me
Lan Wangji, who didnât have a high tolerance on alcohol, drank a few bottles. The next day he woke up with a red rose tattooed on his left chest, it was Wei Wuxianâs favorite flower. Even if he was intoxicated when he got the tattoo, he did not regret having it for it would mean that wherever he goes it means that Wei Wuxian will always be with him in his heart. He then looked up and said, âWei Ying, Iâm sorryâ his voice shaking and his tired eyes were once again spilling out tears.
The song came to an end and he quickly went back, he rode his motorcycle and ran away. Lan Wangji sat again on the swing, it was midnight when he got to the playground. Lan Wangji looked at the moon and smiled, his hands on his heart, a habit he developed when he remembers Wei Wuxian,
âWei Ying, did you hear me sing tonight? I wrote that song only for you. Wei Ying, tonight I was very brave, you will always be my source of strength, I did all of that so you could hear me up there. Iâm still sorry Wei Ying, I love you so much and I am missing you more and more each day.â Lan Wangji lowered his head down, tears running down his face, he took one last look at the moon and said,âTake care of me, Wei Ying.â
