Angeal and Kain Highwind can get it

He'll just have cravings for spicy food. You know what I mean?

It's getting me all hot and bothered just thinking about it.

Loook at him

*clicks for better quality and zooms in*

*They all have their printed results out (this was Genesis’ idea)*

Genesis: Angeal, you go first. I have a feeling it’ll be brief.

Angeal: Eighty. And I’m proud of that, actually. Some of those questions were alarming. I don’t know what kind of life the people who wrote this test are living but I want no part of it.

Genesis, smugly: Well I got thirty-two! A number that represents a life fully engaged with. No hesitation, no apology. You wouldn’t understand, would you, Sephiroth? What did you get — a ninety? Ninety-five? Clean one hundred?

Sephiroth: Four.

Angeal & Genesis: HUH?

Sephiroth: The questions were fairly standard.

*Genesis snatches the paper out of his hands*

Genesis: You ticked yes to drug use!

Sephiroth: I’ve been administered stimulants, experimental compounds, and various unlicensed substances in the lab since early childhood.

Genesis: That is NOT what the question is asking! Wait, WHY DID YOU TICK YES TO STREAKING??

Sephiroth: There was a physical exertion test at the lab one time. You had to run on a treadmill without clothes.

Genesis: AND SKINNY DIPPING?

Sephiroth: Same exam, but it was in a pool.

Angeal, reading: Sephiroth, buddy I think you misunderstood the test. You ticked yes to the majority of the intimate questions.

Sephiroth: Well, yes, because of the loophole. “Engaged in” can reasonably include imagination. I have an extremely active imagination, I don’t see why that’s surprising.

Genesis, staring at the paper: YOU TICKED YES TO ROMANCING AN OLDER WOMAN

Sephiroth: Do you not remember when we were stationed near Banora last spring and I had that long conversation with Mrs Hewley on the porch?

Angeal: What?? But you talked about the weather! And tea! And she showed you her knitting!

Sephiroth: You don’t know my intentions.

Angeal:

Sephiroth:

Angeal: I need to call home.

Sephiroth: Give her my regards.

*Angeal and Genesis are lying side by side on a heart-shaped bed. The lighting is aggressively pink*

Angeal: This is the single worst position any man can find himself in with his best friend.

Genesis: Really? But we shared a bed all the time as children having sleepovers. This is no different. 

Angeal: Your childhood bed didn’t have a mirror bolted to the ceiling above it. Or condoms under the pillows. Or a can of whipped cream on the nightstand. Or a complimentary menu laminated to the wall with items I refuse to read aloud. Or Sephiroth on a sex swing three feet away from us.

*Sephiroth is indeed on the swing, simply sitting there, swinging at a gentle, meditative pace*

Sephiroth: But this is the most relaxed I’ve been on a mission in years.

Genesis: This is the most relaxed he’s been on a mission in years.

Then Remake...

Hmmm, maybe he's slightly thinner than he was in CC? But he doesn't eat when he's depressed, so...did they consider that kind of detail? After all, in Rebirth, they completely skipped over the hair change of his bangs. Let's check Rebirth, both the pre- and post-Nibelheim versions of him.

I think some of it has to do with angles. Okay, and then Ever Crisis...

Hm...maybe?? His waist might be a bit smaller above the belts? Maybe his arms aren't as thick, too. It might be angles. I'm not totally sure. You guys can come to your own conclusions. 🤔

Angeal and Fang ⋆⭒˚.⋆

Which relatable latte are you? 😆