I don't usually write about stuff that runs through my brain because I know there are thousands of people who struggle more than I do, so I don't want it to seem like a cry for attention.
However, this evening something dawned on me. The internet is a toxic place. I try to find solace through music, writing and wrestling. But in the same breath these are things which make my anxiety levels go through the roof. I'm also concerned about trying to fit into the "wrestling community" if Britwres but all you have to do is take one look a Twitter and see how much of a clique it is and at shows I've probably come across some of the most ignorant people I've ever seen in my life. Writing the same I'm always seeking validation but the tiniest slip up and you get criticised left right and centre. Music seems to be the only outlet I can truly vent at the moment but even the rejections of not playing shows after years of helping people out and some not returning the favour.
What makes things worse is when I finally think I have the smallest once of progression something from the past seems to pull me back and make me realise what a piece of shit I am.
In all honesty I think there are issues which I have never properly dealt with and this is what has led me to be the person I am now.
I wouldn't change again in my life for the world I just think things need a new approach as otherwise I'm going to be stuck in my head forever
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