i'm no one

He watches her carefully. Judging each of her movements. They way she’s holding herself. He does not wish to fight her but he will not hesitate if that is the direction she decides to choose. There’s a breath there, and he nods with her words, a mild sense of agreement coming out of him. “It is….different. To meet those who were long dead before our time is….eye opening. Even Luke….” He does not finish that sentence as he cannot find the words to complete it. Even if Ben was awake and in charge, there was still a wound there from his uncle. Kylo may have hated his guts but Ben felt the guilt. He felt the sadness. The pain of wanting to ask a thousand questions but not wanting a single answer in return. He desires to escape those emotions but does not know how to do so. “Yes. My mother took on a lot of my grandmother.” He nods then, agreeing as he looks Rey over once before letting his gaze settle upon her own. “Kylo would have her killed but I would rather kill anyone who tries to harm her.”

.

despite their connection, the tension was still there. unlikely to fade, unfortunately, due to their previous encounters. seeing into ones thoughts, even briefly-- it created a sort of animosity, fairly, as the intrusion was hardly wanted. but even with this, rey wanted to change this-- she wanted to trust him, and she hoped he thought the same. 

when he spoke, she replaced some, nodding some at his comment, “i don’t have the same connections as you, and even i’m finding it... overwhelming,” she mused, a hand reaching to push her hair back as she briefly looked away. 

“though, it must be somewhat nice, knowing your family from before,” she offered with a small smile, looking towards him. it made her own heart hurt really... she hadn’t found her own parents here, not that she was quite certain she would want to-- she hadn’t even been born yet by this period. 

she wasn’t sure she could handle a meeting if it was only to be met with disappointment. 

as he continued however, she kept this to herself, much preferring here about his own musings of his family. she paused briefly at his comment before smiling some at him, “you know i would help you, keep your family safe, that is. you wouldn’t have to do so alone.”

For the first time in a while, Zay had her feet on the ground. It felt strange to have something steady to walk on after having been offworld for a while. She always struggled to get used to that when going back from a flight, but it never lasted long. And she never had trouble to sleep. For the first time in a while too, she was off-duty and allowed herself to go back to bed after checking the schedule in the ship bay. A trip that didn’t last long - one look at the hangar and Zay froze, an unbelievable sight right in front of her. She knew her parents were on planet, having heard that rumor earlier. Seeing the Corvus when her last memory was fleeing in an escape pod as Hask blew it up was something else. Zay Versio wasn’t used to running away. But that was exactly what she did, running back to her quarters to avoid crossing her parent’s path in the hangar - even if there was no way that her cover would be blown. She stayed in her room until lunch time, when she always stayed with Rey whenever they were on the same planet. “Today’s my day off, so I allowed myself to sleep in.” Zay explained, brushing it off with a wave of the hand. “Why is it that every time something interesting happens, it’s when I’m not there?” She jokingly made a disappointed face then, that scene would have been interesting to see indeed. “Rey…” she started, unsure if she should really ask about the Corvus, or try to ignore it as best as she could. “Since when’s that Raider II corvette parked?”

the immediate excuse struck rey, not something she often heard from the other. an eyebrow raised in response, allowing her to continue as the former scavenger shifted her position. the fact that they had avoided any sort of work was a surprise, and from rey’s perspective likely meant there was something further going on. 

with a small smile she shrugged in response as she took another bite of her food. it was a bit manipulative, perhaps, hoping the silence would urge the other to continue, but it was out of a need to help-- 

she hummed as she continued pausing at the question. the ship hadn’t really any importance to the young woman that she could remember, she had seen one at the resistance base briefly, but her limited time there kept her from ever meeting the owners. “i’m not sure, a couple days maybe? bit of a show-y ship i suppose. what of it?”

it had been some time since she had seen cal, something she regretted but... made sense. the galaxy was in chaos, even with the supposed end of the war-- and she was sure he had been busy, if her own schedule was one to compare. this didn’t stop the immediate smile that spread on her face at the sight of him and his small droid. 

perhaps a little worse for wear, the two weren’t much different from their last meeting from outward appearances, though the feeling he carried with him--

she wouldn’t pry, it was his own choice to share or not. 

a hand reached to fondly stroke the droid, eyes flicking to his, “i see you’ve kept him in good shape. i’m glad-- he certainly deserves it.”

rey’s attention shifted to poe’s as she watched him work on his ship. the silence was nice-- it was something that had taken the two a bit to work up too the ability to share a non awkward moment in silence, especially with finn’s absence, but it seemed they deserved it. shoving a bite of her snack in her mouth she watched him for a moment, refraining form giving her own opinions on what he should do too boost his ship. gabbing a scrap in her book to hold the place, she continued.

“it’s odd to see some people settling that came here like us--” she commented, eyes following over to a fellow member of the rebellion she knew had followed a similar path, “i’m not sure i’ll ever be able to settle, like that, though, i’m not sure i ever found the same comfort quite in the resistance, yet,” she rambled a bit, hesitating at the lack of answer, eyebrows furrowing, “are you listening?” she asked, noticing his head stuck in the ship to peer at something. 

rey sat silently at zay, quietly picking at the crust of her small wrap. it had been nice, these few years, to have poe and zay through this. their common origin, it allowed them to only grow closer, it seemed. a mutual sense of displacement-- of knowing too much, a burden rey knew poe had only been troubled more, knowing more of her own future than she. 

but zay-- her parents were here, something she couldn’t speak of. 

sure, rey had not known her own parents well, but couldn’t imagine the burden, the longing to selfishly let all be known of what their future family held. 

which is what rey hoped she could help ease. being an ear to talk to, someone that could know her struggles-- the reason these small private meals had become so important. 

regardless, rey didn’t want to press, allowing conversation to continue off from the possible stress, “you didn’t make it to the ship bay today, did you? you certainly missed bb8 telling off the mechanical droid, it was quite a show, poe would have been proud.”

rey’s pull to finn hadn’t wavered since their first meeting. despite her hesitance, she had felt something when they first met, even if the meeting had been under unfortunate circumstances. 

but this was... different. she still had that connection she felt but the reciprocation-- that’s what felt off, it wasn’t the same warmth she felt as her eyes met the other’s familiar face. 

this should result in hesitation, more tact before approaching but, the woman was desperate for her firnd. for what she had missed while here. enough so she allowed her hope for her feelings being wrong to be true-- 

“finn-- i can’t believe you’re here, i was worried i’d never see you again,” she said as she approached, hand reaching to take his.

Ben looks at her, gaze settling easily. Rey had always been there, ever since the realization of their connection. He knew that she would feel it, whatever he had done but before coming here, he had gotten good at cutting her off. There was no reason for her to be able to spy upon all aspects of his location or the actions he had taken. She did not need to see the world from his eyes when she was capable of seeing it from her own. “Connecting? To the Force?” He questions lightly as she takes his hand. His gaze softens. A strange feeling encompasses him. Had she ever taken his hand in this way before? “What would you wish to talk about?” He questions, unsure how to approach this situation. Not really having been in such a spot before. “Yes. I have been spending far too much time with my grandmother but I appreciate her company far more than most.” He looks away from Rey just then, a small smile ghosting his lips. “I wish she had been alive in our time.”

.

rey blinked at his words, noticing the... hesitation, confusion, perhaps. with a small nod, she let out a breath, “unfortunately so-- i’m not sure i’ve gotten used to this--- time, world, despite the time we’ve both spent here,” she said carefully, trying to make as much sense of the reasoning as she could, a difficult task, not quite understanding it yet herself. 

despite his hesitation, her hand remained gripped on his, her own comfort perhaps contrasting his. but as he opened up about padme, she smiled some, nodding, “she’s lovely. i wish she could have been there for you,” she replied, finally pulling away as she shifted to face him better, “she’s like your mother, in some ways though. isn’t she?”

for someone who often felt that she was quite lonely inside, padmé had done an excellent job of surrounding herself with people so that it, at the very least, did not appear to be so on the outside. “oh, you know i like to keep busy. of course – it’s all politics, and i don’t want to bore you with that,” she smiled easily as she spoke, giving a little wave of her hand. “i’m much more interested in hearing how you’re doing.”

a small smile pulled at the jedi’s lips with a snort-- “ politics, i’m not sure it can be much more boring then growing up in a desert,” she retorted. she didn’t know much but she was willing to listen... if need be. regardless it was nice just having people to talk to-- the subject matter... she wasn’t too picky, in reality. though at the further sentence she paused. there was no use in lying, the senator was smart enough to tell as much, from her experience, as limited as it may be, “i’ve been better, but things could certainly be worse, couldn’t they?”

rey was distracted-- she had removed herself, somewhat, lately. desperation for finding he place, where she fit in here, even after all this time. perhaps it was something she wasn’t meant to find. this pondering, though, had taken form of an r2 unit, they were trashed, something the young jedi had hated to see, and working close to starting them back up had taken some pressure away. 

having a companion, she hope would do as much. 

but she was hardly alone, it seemed, an approaching presence, startling her from her thoughts. she should be weary, perhaps, but eyes instead met the other woman’s, an immediate curiosity welling over the girl. she smiled, ever so slightly, hoping to keep the conversation civil, at the very least. “was there something you needed?” she asked, scooting as she realized she was in fact blocking a poriton of the walkway, “i didn’t mean to get in anybody’s way.”

Finn  chuckled  at  her  words,  shaking  his  head  for  a  moment.  “  I’m  not  sure  what  planet  Poe’s  on  right  now.  “  he  admitted.  He  wasn’t  upset  at  the  thought,  but  he  did  miss  his  partner.  It  was  the  nature  of  the  important  work  they  were  doing  for  the  New  Republic.  “  How  are  you  ??  “  he  questioned, examining  her  face  as  much  as  he  could  on  the  holocall.  One  day  soon  he  would  be  asking  that  question  in  person.  Poe  was  his  boyfriend,  the  person  he  came  home  to  every  night,  but  The  Force  connected  Rey  and  Finn  in  a  way  that  he  wasn’t  sure  he  understood.  She  just  knew  him  better  than  anyone  else.  Being  apart,  even  for  good  reasons,  never  sat  right  with  him.  

.

The silence had always disturbed him but it was the only place that he could meditate. Where he could find peace in the raging war inside of his heart. It was the only place that Ben and Kylo could co-exist together inside of him without wanting to slaughter or run from each other. Still, as he sat, legs crossed, hands in his lap, his saber sitting upon his leg, his eyes closed. He had felt peace. Something he hadn’t felt in a very long time. Something that had been dragged out of who he was as a person when Snoke had taken him in. Yet, as his gaze shifts and he looks over to Rey when she speaks, there’s a bit of surprise that filters through his gaze and features. “Meditation is one of the only peaceful things I ever learned.” He replies easily. His voice soft from the silence that he’s been sitting in for what felt like days. He moves, however, pushing himself up off the ground and placing his saber back at his side. “Did you come to meditate as well or…” Be takes a step toward her, gaze never leaving her. He’s not a fool and he’s certainly not stupid enough to think that people trust him here. Not after all that he’s done. “…did you come to confront me again about my past?”

.

white teeth formed a grin in the gloomy hallway, the dark shadows almost seemed alive on their own. “i think it might be equally important considering this was the previous emperors most… beloved… abodes.” beloved, what a word for it when he just KNEW that palpatine just took a sickened pleasure out of living somewhere he’d had everyone killed. a place where for centuries had been a beacon of light and calm within the force and on coruscant. but now its shadowy corridors were full of pain, anger, despair, and too many other emotions to name echoed in the force as loud as whispers. some as loud as a scream. 

. 

it was the only reality that they could have any kind of faith in, the only thing that wouldn’t make all of this worthless – so it was what they chose to believe. the only other alternative was writing their own. that was what aiya wanted to do, but it was turning out to be more difficult than they had anticipated. darksiders were few and far between.

“you don’t have to be. you have no influence, no control, on anything that’s going to happen.”

.

how had their being here affected their future.. what did that mean for someone like aiya? the last few year shad hardly given that any clarity... things were just as confusing... and a part of her felt an amount of sorrow for the knights. 

the hug is returned fondly, giving the young woman a gentle squeeze before she released her. whatever former antagonistic relationship existed between rey and ben was resolved now, grateful that she was able to do what her grandson what she had… failed to do for her husband. “oh, don’t worry yourself over it. i keep my schedule horribly busy these days.” she smiled as she pulled away, her hands clasping comfortably behind the small of her back. “but i’m glad to see you as well, rey.”

.

@xfrom-nowherex Though Coruscant was a busy place, there were locations Nihilus had grown used to being able to find quieter, less busy places. This is where he tended to spend most of his time, lingering around the edges of buildings and venturing out into the public at times. He was like a spider waiting to catch its prey -- for an unknowing soul to cross into these quiet places. He had become a sort of urban legend in the area, and, unfortunately for him, the wanderings had become less frequent, the quiet areas even quieter.

The people spoke of something that lurked in the shadows, the finding of remains. As the passerby count slowed down, Nihilus seemed to go out into the crowds less. He barely had any energy, and his face seemed to sink a bit more as each day passed. He felt like a shell, emptiness occupying the habitat of his organs.

Tonight he was leaning on the wall of an old abandoned apartment, lingering around the backside of the building that faced an empty alleyway. The entrances were slim corridors, and entry was not common. He barely noticed when a figure slipped through, footsteps falling lightly. It took him a few seconds to register the event, lifting his head and getting to his feet before they could notice him. He stepped out of the shadows and approached the figure slowly, as to not startle them.

He tried to maintain his composure, straightening his back and softening his expression, but the hungry look still remained in his eyes. He hesitated on a greeting, eyeing the stranger curiously. Were they friendly?

.

rey had felt the man as he approached. it was... an odd presence. dark but... different-- not like the ones of the nights. no this was... something interesting, to the young jedi. biting her lip, her eyes met the others, as if waiting for them to say something first. 

taking a breath, she smiled some at them, hoping to keep the interaction nice, “hello... i’m not sure we’ve met.” a hand reached out, “i’m rey.”

it was still odd for rey, ben changing sides, moving towards the light-- it wasn’t that she hadn’t wanted exactly that-- but... she was still hesitant. hesitant that this could be something else, a trick-- perhaps too hesitant for her own good. 

regardless, rey had taken this time to... connect. figure out whatever this was. 

opening her eyes, rey let out a breath, meditation had certainly helped but, she needed to talk about this, she wanted answers. biting her lip, she watched him for a moment, before sighing, making her lack of concentration evident. 

eyes flicking away she smiled a bit, “i’m not sure i imagined you being able to meditate so peacefully.”

it was simple to press the loss of the empire into their face, aiya was well aware. had they been on the other side of things, it was likely that they would have done the same. low blow. they’d never been above such a thing, after all. but they’re trying to develop, to not fall into the same pitfalls that they were guilty of.

“you know how the story goes. the empire loses now, & it comes back. simple.”

.

rey knew they were right. the first order was inevitable wasn’t it? even with the knowledge they had now, who knew that would make a difference. that snoke wouldn’t still thrive, that he wouldn’t do what he had done before. 

but she wouldn’t voice that, not to them, not now.  

“i’m not sure it’s ever so simple.”