jedixcodeâ:
      obi-wan sat down next to anakin, and gently placed a hand on his shoulder, there were tears in his eyes, and he did not bother to wipe them away, a lifetime of being taught to control his emotions, and thatâs what he was doing, he chose to feel every single thing. it had been difficult not to interrupt anakin, to stop and try to offer some counter argument, to give him the hugs obi-wan should never have stopped giving him as a child. but if he wanted anakin to listen to him âat least the anakin obi-wan remembered had a hard time letting himself do just thatâ he had to be in control of his emotions. listening to what was in anakinâs heart had opened a door to what obi-wan had been holding in for years. maybe if he had had this conversation with anakin before things wouldâve been different. yet another failure in a long list that obi-wan had been collecting ever since he had learned what had been of them both. âyou donât have to apologize to me, okay? not to me. come hereâ obi-wan said in a soft voice, tears flooding his eyes as he pulled anakin into an embrace, hoping his padawan would not push him away.
     âthereâs a reason why we are taken to the temple as toddlers, so thereâs no memories of a home, of parents, a homeworld⌠what we did to you, what we asked of youâŚâ obi-wan shook his head, âtaking you from your mother, making you leave her behind, asking a child to lock away the memories, and the love, and the fear⌠you deserved better than what i did for you, i shouldâve protected you anakin, i knew how trapped the order made you feel, and when you wanted to leave i wouldâve left with you, because the promise was to master qui-gon not to the councilâŚâ a master he had let down, qui-gon had trusted anakin to obi-wan and he just had the galaxyâs suffering to show for.Â
     âi was a padawan when i faced that sith lord on nabooâ obi-wan spoke for the first time in years about what plagued him from that day, âhow could i defeat them when mere moments ago master qui-gonââ he shook his head, âi was angry, full of grief and rage, i wanted revengeâ he admitted, ânow iâ i donât know if it was my anger, or the force just decided to let me avenge the person who had been like a father to me. but i knew better, i shouldâve captured them instead, always two there are, the order shouldâve had a chance to interrogate them, but i wanted revenge. the council made me a knight for itâŚâ perhaps if obi-wan had not been so ashamed of his own emotions he wouldâve shared this with anakin sooner, perhaps before it was too late.Â
      âyou are a result of our actions, everything we did wrong, and everything we did rightâ he smiled, âwe both know your skills donât come from he chancellorâ obi-wan joked, he had never been one to shy away from a well placed quip, obi-wan had trained anakin, raised him, watching him become a knight a general, he was proud. âand sacrificing yourself for your son, well thatâs all your motherâs doing, she raised you to be kind and loving, a child so kind that it opened his home to complete strangers just because it was the right thing to doâŚâ more tears, âanakin we might not be able to change the past, but we can protect the future. you are my brother anakin, and i love you, you always made me proud, and i wish i had said that to you more often.â
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privately anakin thought the real reason was so the jedi could truly mold their little soldiers to a code that felt far too restricting to him. he looked away at the mention of his mother, he hated thinking of her half the time because he could only think of her death or her pain. remembering the happier moments in their small house on the row felt harder and harder the past few years causing anakin to wonder if the taste of the dark side affected his memory. âsometimes... i wish i had been brave enough to ask. for us to leave i mean.ââ heâd dreamed of it before he was knighted and the world became even heavier for him. ââdid... did you ever think of that obiwan?ââÂ
revenge. the idea of obiwan wanting revenge felt so alien to him. the man even if he did have emotions had always felt like one of the steadiest parts of anakins life. he knew of course about maul and everything that had happened on naboo. but... it still felt alien the idea of such rage. he hated to even think about what it would like if that intent was directed towards himself. the idea of fighting obiwan on that level, regardless of how they stood now with all of anakins fuckups, was uncomfortable on multiple levels.Â
ââplease...ââ the others words rang into his head like a drum beating in time with his heart. heâd wanted for so long for someone on the side of the jedi to acknowledge some of the bad alongside the good theyâd caused within him. ââit wasnât you, it wasnât. you did so much for me obiwan, so much pressure from the time we met. it wasnât you.ââ his voice key breaking in embarrassing ways as he talked through his tightened throat. his words breaking even worse as the other expressed so much towards him. his brother. not everything would be fixed right away but this... this was a start.Â













