war in their heart.

            obi-wan sat down next to anakin, and gently placed a hand on his shoulder, there were tears in his eyes, and he did not bother to wipe them away, a lifetime of being taught to control his emotions, and that’s what he was doing, he chose to feel every single thing. it had been difficult not to interrupt anakin, to stop and try to offer some counter argument, to give him the hugs obi-wan should never have stopped giving him as a child. but if he wanted anakin to listen to him —at least the anakin obi-wan remembered had a hard time letting himself do just that— he had to be in control of his emotions. listening to what was in anakin’s heart had opened a door to what obi-wan had been holding in for years. maybe if he had had this conversation with anakin before things would’ve been different. yet another failure in a long list that obi-wan had been collecting ever since he had learned what had been of them both. ❝you don’t have to apologize to me, okay? not to me. come here❞ obi-wan said in a soft voice, tears flooding his eyes as he pulled anakin into an embrace, hoping his padawan would not push him away.

          ❝there’s a reason why we are taken to the temple as toddlers, so there’s no memories of a home, of parents, a homeworld… what we did to you, what we asked of you…❞ obi-wan shook his head, ❝taking you from your mother, making you leave her behind, asking a child to lock away the memories, and the love, and the fear… you deserved better than what i did for you, i should’ve protected you anakin, i knew how trapped the order made you feel, and when you wanted to leave i would’ve left with you, because the promise was to master qui-gon not to the council…❞ a master he had let down, qui-gon had trusted anakin to obi-wan and he just had the galaxy’s suffering to show for. 

         ❝i was a padawan when i faced that sith lord on naboo❞ obi-wan spoke for the first time in years about what plagued him from that day, ❝how could i defeat them when mere moments ago master qui-gon—❞ he shook his head, ❝i was angry, full of grief and rage, i wanted revenge❞ he admitted, ❝now i— i don’t know if it was my anger, or the force just decided to let me avenge the person who had been like a father to me. but i knew better, i should’ve captured them instead, always two there are, the order should’ve had a chance to interrogate them, but i wanted revenge. the council made me a knight for it…❞ perhaps if obi-wan had not been so ashamed of his own emotions he would’ve shared this with anakin sooner, perhaps before it was too late. 

           ❝you are a result of our actions, everything we did wrong, and everything we did right❞ he smiled, ❝we both know your skills don’t come from he chancellor❞ obi-wan joked, he had never been one to shy away from a well placed quip, obi-wan had trained anakin, raised him, watching him become a knight a general, he was proud. ❝and sacrificing yourself for your son, well that’s all your mother’s doing, she raised you to be kind and loving, a child so kind that it opened his home to complete strangers just because it was the right thing to do…❞ more tears, ❝anakin we might not be able to change the past, but we can protect the future. you are my brother anakin, and i love you, you always made me proud, and i wish i had said that to you more often.❞

.

privately anakin thought the real reason was so the jedi could truly mold their little soldiers to a code that felt far too restricting to him. he looked away at the mention of his mother, he hated thinking of her half the time because he could only think of her death or her pain. remembering the happier moments in their small house on the row felt harder and harder the past few years causing anakin to wonder if the taste of the dark side affected his memory. “sometimes... i wish i had been brave enough to ask. for us to leave i mean.’’ he’d dreamed of it before he was knighted and the world became even heavier for him. ‘’did... did you ever think of that obiwan?’’ 

revenge. the idea of obiwan wanting revenge felt so alien to him. the man even if he did have emotions had always felt like one of the steadiest parts of anakins life. he knew of course about maul and everything that had happened on naboo. but... it still felt alien the idea of such rage. he hated to even think about what it would like if that intent was directed towards himself. the idea of fighting obiwan on that level, regardless of how they stood now with all of anakins fuckups, was uncomfortable on multiple levels. 

@fearlessskywalker said: ❛ I’m endangering your mission. I shouldn’t have come. ❜

        ❝anakin❞ obi-wan said in a soft but firm voice, if he had to spend a lifetime convincing the boy he had raised that he was worthy of love and trust, then so be it, obi-wan was not going to give up, he would not turn his back on anakin, not like he had in the past —well his future if he was being technical about it, the things was that after belkadan, and hapes, they might not have an entire lifetime, the galaxy could very well be living on borrowed time. 

       ❝there’s no other person i’d rather have by my side, whether the mission requires a fight, or diplomacy like this one…❞ obi-wan said and pondered if that’s why anakin wanted out, but then again those were the only memories obi-wan had of anakin, of him and ahsoka making him proud fighting a war they should’ve never fought in the first place, ❝come on now, we got work to do❞ obi-wan said with a motion of his head towards the place they were approaching. many systems had heard the news about what had happened in hapes, many already contacted the republic, and others, well others systems obi-wan wasn’t sure if simply did not believe or did not care, but this was bigger than all of them, and they all must come together, whatever it takes, he thought to himself.

anakin looked away grumbling the others name before saying, ‘’you know i’m right. i shouldn’t have come along, i’m still not even sure how i stumbled into you in the first place here.’’ after the comms crashed and he’d helped scavenge and do random patch work for the people that tended to fall through the cracks. this had been just another stop on his list realistically and yet here he was. with obiwan. feeling like a taunt string ready to snap. 

❛   i   can’t   control   my   guts   !   there’s   only   so   much   some   –   some   little   karking   cloth   can   do   !   ❜   he   really   was   trying   as   hard   as   he   could.   they   DID   NOT   want   to   die   tonight.   he   had   so   much   left   to   do   but   the   blood   just   kept   fucking   coming.   ❛   there   should   be   medics   gettin’   set   up,   i   …   thought   i   heard   something   ‘bout   it.   see   if   anybody’s   –   leading   evacuations   ?   ❜   the   new   republic   would   get   a   handle   on   it   soon   enough.   they   had   to   be   sure   of   that.   leia   was   always   good   in   a   crisis.   she   would   work   something   out.   have   a   little   faith,   solo.   JUST   A   LITTLE   FAITH.

WHO : // . . . open

anakin looked at the building just across from where he stood feeling disgust and dread bubbling through him. gardulla had lived there and likely had continued to cause havoc for those under her while staying there. hatred bubbled beneath his calm exterior before a snarl crossed his lips and continued to walk along the streets. he’d only come to the damn planet in an attempt to grab some dampeners and maybe a compressor if he could find an undamaged one. finally finding the local bazaar anakin ducked behind the curtain to enter. time to bargain. “how much?” he gestured towards the clump of wires and parts on a nearby table, a compressor sticking out from where it lay hidden inside the clump. as if someone had ripped it from a ships dashboard. 

   “Ekkreth, a pleasure, I am Stassam Char.” They smiled, eyes scanning over the other reflecting on what they said. The galaxy was filled with so much war, and yet when it came no one ever seemed ready for it. From all their reading the Clone Wars was seemingly inevitable even without the pushing of the Sith, and yet the Republic and the Jedi were seemingly completely taken by shock when it broke out. The Order even while fighting the war was never ready for it, and it destroyed them. 

“Oh I imagine some worlds are safe, ones with no population, no resources, that are barren, or simply too dangerous. Somewhere like Dagobah, or the remains of Geonosis, now that the Geonosians aren’t using it anymore. Though people who are soft, and enjoy comfort would never accept living on such worlds, in the conditions that they would have to.” 

❛   i   kriffing   AM,   ❜   they   groused,   pressing   down   harder   on   their   side.   the   force   of   it   made   his   injury   BURN      with   a   blaze   of   pain.   they   gritted   their   teeth,   jaw   clenched   so   tight   the   muscle   popped.   they   were   NOT   about   to   show   how   bad   this   hurt   in   front   of   a   total   stranger.   they   cursed   loudly   and   ducked   on   instinct   when   the   window   shattered.   suppressing   further   sarcasm   he   ducked   behind   a   nearby   pillar   and   tried   to   steady   his   breaths.   ❛   can’t   believe   i’m   gonna   die   in   this   stupid   MONKEY   SUIT.   ❜   leia’d   gotten   them   all   dressed   up   for   the   gala.   his   tie   was   fucking   choking   him   now.

.

“are you really? well do a damn better job since your insides are trying to get out and say hello!” anakins voice was gruff with aggression as he tried to help the other while also trying to make sure they were covered from the fiery battle around them. “I have scarce bacta on my ship but if i saw right the ship yard had been melted into shiny new bits of metal so we need to get you an aid kit from somewhere else unless you know where someone with one would be?” anakin snorted in agreement, suits and fancy robes were not his favorite thing to wear either especially when shit could hit the fan at any moment. 

WHO : // . . . anyone mechanically inclined

anakin yelped and quickly withdrew his hand from the wired filled cavity in front of him as the electricity had buzzed through his flesh hand in a painful jolt. apparently the scrap ships power wasn’t done draining. lovely. kicking the base of the hull with a dull hollow sound he beckoned his wrench over to him through the force so that he wouldn’t need assistance. the comms might be down but that didn’t mean he couldn’t attempt some type of older type of communicator with modern parts. he wondered how others on nearby planets were faring with such a massive blackout, something even the empire hadn’t accomplished. whoever these attackers were they were making their way through the galaxy in such a calculating way he knew palpatine would’ve been their greatest fan or enemy depending on the day. 

closed for anakin skywalker / @fearlessskywalker​​ !

“you again.” mara narrowed her eyes, though it wasn’t entirely unfriendly. calculating, maybe, wary. it seemed a little too unlikely that it was a chance meeting — not purposeful on his part, but maybe on the force’s. “i don’t really believe in coincidences.”

“I could say the same thing to you, seems you keep popping up where I least expect you for someone I have no connection with beyond these meetings.” he was skeptical the other wasn’t a foe but he would give it a chance with a ‘wait and see’ attitude for once. 

despite what had been said about her by opponents many times in the past, padmé was not a naive woman. she had seen the darkest parts of the galaxy at an early age, though she’d had some distance from the worst of it. set foot on dying planets and failed and swore that she would do the same again, held those that she loved dearly when they died in place of her. amidala had never been enough of a fool to think that she was safe in the galaxy, even with her decoys and security guards and jedi protectors. but nothing had quite shaken her sense of safety, stripped it away from her entirely, as this had. she felt violated in nearly every sense of the word, the privacy of her mind ruined, secrets unwilling spilled out – not by pain or her own doing, though there had been no shortage of traditional torture. even now, the fate of her life was barely in her own hands, tied to three monsters.

padmé curled into anakin, and for a brief moment, let go of that terror. he was solid and secure and warm around her, the blanket certainly helping with the last. but his gentle little kisses on her neck, ones that he knew that she loved so dearly, filled her stomach with a sense of dread, so close to the new scar that was still healing. her hand moved to grab his flesh one, holding it with both of hers against her chest as she allowed herself to sob in his arms. but she knew that it was only a matter of time before he picked up that underneath the fear and agony to notice that the physical pain was still there, despite the adequate medical care that she had received ( even by the empire, who profited off her being alive now ). 

“it’s…” a deep breath stretched out her lungs, trying to still her tears for just a moment. she sat back slightly, using her hands to wipe away the tears from her puffy eyes and then precariously moving her hair to one side of her shoulders, lifting it up so he could see. a small rectangle of hair had been shaved along her hairline, not noticeable when her hair was down. in the center of it was a neat surgical scar. she didn’t want to tell him the truth, she knew how it would hurt him. he’d had something so similar inside of him for years. “a neutral transmitter chip, from my understanding.” anakin was the last person she would have to explain the weight of it too. in fact, he was the only one she knew who could understand. “if their device stops signaling, mine will kill me. i’m… essentially a long distance meatshield for them now.”

.

having her in his arms just felt so right to him yet the feeling over her heart hammering in her chest under his hand made him flinch. something was beyond wrong. he wanted to know so badly and a not so small part of him was already angry at the merest idea of someone else even being involved or causing her harm. but anakin also knew if that piece of him grew... all of their his progress would disappear from his grasp as if it had crumbled into grains of sand. 

his thumb gently rubbed soothing circles on padmes chest where she’d trapped his hand while his other arm curled around her back to hold her securely against his body. no matter their differences or fights or anything in the galaxy there was nothing inside him that would ever turn her away from him. ‘’padme please!’’ his voice almost cracked with his urgent begging. he would do this right! he would provide the support she needed much like the support he’d learned to give to those he’d rescued in the past years. ‘’its what?’’ 

he struggled to relax his grip on her and tried to force himself to relax, the last thing his wife needed was his fucking arm pinching her with its servos especially right now when she was so upset and... bruised like a soft nabooian fruit. and he didn’t mean physically though he did wonder what her clothing was hiding for her to be holding her posture in such a way that clearly screamed WOUNDED. 

"you know what my master would say to that? ignore your feelings. thats what i do!" obiwan absolutely would not have said that like that and he knew that but hopefully luke did not.

anakin chuckled and waved a hand to let the other go first. "you can go first but I won't be sitting out."

"...ekkreth. yourself?" his eyes never left their form wondering the first move.

──   SOMETHING  GLISTENS  IN  MAUL’S  GAZE  as he studies for reaction,  his own muscles tensing in preparation for sudden movement  –  and only an aside comes forward.  his top lip twitches to reveal a sliver of incisors.   kenobi’s influence corrodes skywalker’s remark and he nearly rolls his eyes,  but suppresses the urge.   exasperation at his comment passes through him enough to feign at nonchalance.   ❝ is it so odd ?  ❞  a question intended for no answer.

 ❝  you are in your next life,  are you not.   another victim to this reality.   ❞   

there was a twist in the pit of their stomach that put them on high alert, but trilla could not identify why, just a lingering feeling that she was in over her head. was it worth abandoning this cause? no. no, that was an easy question to answer. the young togruta deserved better than whatever life was coming for them, and they had the power to change that. there was a darkness in their gaze as they stared at the long-haired man. he looked somewhat raggedy, which hopefully meant that he would not be a threat, but she didn’t trust the black and white thinking. “no, i’m not a heathen,” the disdain and implication was thick in the slight snarl of her tone. “if you know what’s good for you, then you’d leave.”

L O A D I N G : // …  8ABY : MONTH TWO … //

anakin finally comes back to new republic airspace after being in wildspace and hutt space primarily for years, encountering ahsoka tano who tells him of padme being hurt before withdrawing to naboo. 

anakin tries to go to naboo but meets with his old master obiwan kenobi where they have a gut-wrenching emotional discussion where they being to finally mend the gap between them. 

leaving obiwan anakin once more, anakin skywalkers ship breaks and he pulls into port on hosnian prime for repairs where he runs into ahsoka tano his former padawan. realizing his ship is in fact beyond repair he steals a hunk of junk transport ship while running into mara jade. 

the night of the ball on hapes anakin reunites with padme amidala once more for a light conversation in the gardens that quickly turned steamier than expected much to his joy. however that was quickly ruined once the place was attacked and anakin encountered a heavily injured han solo who he helped to patch up and escape. 

fearlessskywalker​   //   anakin skywalker.