The Only Way Out Is Through

It’s so funny to hear it from people who start off by saying, "We support intersex people!", only to then turn around and claim that being intersex is a "mutation," that intersex people can be neatly divided into "men" and "women," that self-discovery is "invalid," or that if your variation doesn't cause you health issues, you're "not actually intersex"—and other such nonsense.

Last month, in a queer community, I shared my trans and cis experiences, which are tied to my intersex and neurodivergent lived experience. Someone reposted my message to an exclusionist queer channel that supposedly "supports" intersex people. They wrote that no intersex person would ever call themselves "cis+trans," calling it a "disgrace" to the community. They also claimed that unless a doctor has confirmed it, I can’t call myself intersex. On top of that, they called me a 12-year-old girl who's just "attention-seeking"—even though I’m almost 19, and my age was literally listed in my profile.

I just want to say that your "support" for intersex people vanishes the exact moment our actual lived experience becomes inconvenient for you or doesn't fit into your binary worldview.

"trans men are both men and targets of misogyny."

"so youre misgendering yourself and clinging to your agab."

"no, trans men are most often treated like broken women and are percieved and enforced by society as such."

"see? transandrobros love talking about how much trans women are male socialized with male privilege, so they can be innocent little babies with glass bones and paper skin"

"no, trans women at any stage of transition are also othered and treated as broken, no trans person has access to-"

"so youre misgendering yourself and clinging to your agab against the big scary trans women"

"People back then always married young it's natural!!!" Every single 1800s guide I've ever met casually mentions that, of course, you really shouldn't get married before you're at least 20, and waiting until 25 is usually better.

Or, like. Okay here's a long segment:

Just firmly going "it is crazy sexist to blame The Wife for overspending when thirty seconds of asking questions will immediately establish that her husband was outright lying to her about how much money they had. Talk to your wife like a normal person."

Or--okay, here. A section on being honest and not writing love letters in secret, because that's usually a good sign that there's something untoward going on....

....except that he then immediately acknowledges that sometimes, the reason you're hiding this from your parents is that your parents suck. That there are parents who frankly have not earned the right to approve or disapprove of your partner.

"Men and women being friends with each other is literally normal. Don't be a controlling freak."

"If you have to abuse a child to keep order in your classroom then you're a bad teacher."

“It’s easier for trans men to pass/be stealth!!”

Actually it’s easier for people with very specific bodies (white, thin, average height) with large incomes and supportive families to transition medically in a way which is more likely to conform to strict ideas of ‘man’ and ‘woman’

I swear every time I see someone try to make the argument for one of us having it better they exclusively either cite celebrities (again, see white, rich, thin) or assume that the people they know irl are representative of every trans person.

It also begs the point that YOU DO NOT KNOW IF SOMEONE IS STEALTH UNLESS THEY TELL YOU. No one actually knows how many trans people successfully live as stealth.

Most of the passing trans people I know personally are women, but most of the trans people I know to be stealth are men. I also know far more trans women than I do trans men. Not to ignore the fact that these arguments completely erase non binary people who are pressured to just pick a binary gender to ‘pass’ as because it is functionally impossible to be a ‘stealth’ non binary person.

Lied and said he was non-verbal

Lied and said he was incapable of communication

Lied and said he had not gotten the surgery of his own accord

Lied and said his "guardians decided [he] was trans"

Got MGT to call a procedure done on a consenting adult "criminal" just because he had cerebral palsy

Mass reported his video and his account, which he ran, until facebook terminated his account for "child exploitation" despite it being his account, him being an adult, and him not being exploited

Ableism and transphobia are inseperable. Just like ableism was used to prop up bigotry throughout history, now it is being used to deny transgender people bodily autonomy the same way it is used to deny disabled people bodily autonomy. It's not a coincidence that so much of the rights transphobic rhetoric is focused on labelling us as "mentally ill". They don't think any disabled people, let alone mentally ill people should have independence or liberation.

and they removed the trans part and went: "no, women don't have to worry about being seen as predatory when interacting with people, either you are lying about that or you are not really a woman"

you would rightfully be pissed off

sometimes a trans woman wins against a cis woman. sometimes a cis woman wins against another cis woman too. yet only one of them is allowed to win without facing consequences.

i want to highlight this specific addition from the comments