Adventures in Randomnicity

Well.. I messed up.. I really hurt/ruined the one thing that keeps my drive going, my inspiration.. I reacted like a selfish fool and I feel terrible.. I'm not sure how I'm gonna make up for it. Honestly, I'm not sure where to go from here..? I've always been about improving ever since I saw a change in myself, you've always been my confidence booster and motivator.. I've never talked you down, thought poorly of you and disregarded your efforts.. I feel ashamed, weird even typing this. I'm so far and can only express so much through words, I've never been about bringing down but lifting up but today I let you down, hard.. being told how you really felt and the hurt in your voice for the brief moment prior to hanging up, how could I be so stupid? I'm not sure where to go from here.. I thought you were doing it cause you enjoyed it but I feel maybe you were just doing it for me and not yourself.. regardless I'm an idiot, I feel terrible.. It's awkward and empty, coming home, rushing to Hangout/Facetime and realizing we're not on good terms.. it literally affects every aspect of my life, literally a gloomy POS walking around, fuck. I love you. Damnit.

So proud of my lovely girl.. She's being determined in her fitness goals, pursuing this ever so annoying US immi process and overall just handling things better than I could of imagined. I miss you lots dear, lots lots. I'm proud of you Hun, hang in there, you're doing so well, wish I could be there for you. Love, meee