Xander Bastiaan Mesdag

There was no way she was going to get control over all of this. The more he looked at her, the more his emotions eroded away at her walls, the more she could feel herself weakening to him. That was what love did, after all. Xander was the only person she had ever let herself be weak for. “I want you to blame me,” she told him. She never wanted him to do this - to torture himself over a decision she had no choice in. “If that makes things easier, then blame me. Hate me if you need to.”

“I wish I could explain, Xander, I do. I wish I could make you understand why I needed to marry Stefano.” But she couldn’t - not without putting him in so much danger. If he knew… If he knew, he might forgive her. He might want to try again. And Maeve couldn’t risk that. “It’s nothing.” She pushed some of her hair against her neck, a pathetic attempt to hide the scar. Her whole body was covered with them - littered with signs of her husband’s rage. But this was the only scar she felt ashamed of. “It’s not that simple,” she sighed. When had she become so emotionally exhausted? “There’s more to it. I’m sorry. I can’t explain it to you.”

“I can’t blame you Maeve. Believe me... I’ve tried.” He muttered, weariness clear in his voice as he scrubbed his hand across his eyes, a sigh escaping him as he glanced back up and met her gaze. Biting down on his lower lip as he struggled to think of what more he could say. He loved her, after all this time. He still loved her and despite her breaking his heart, couldn’t bring himself to blame her, couldn’t bring himself to try to hate her. “I don’t want to hate you! I just want- bloody hell...” He trailed off, shaking his head again in frustration. 

“How could you marry anybody called Stefano?” He complained petulantly, trying to get a smile out of her this time. “Maeve...” He began warningly, watching as she brought her hand up to her neck, trying to hide something. Stepping forward, he caught her wrist gently in his hand and with a stern look, softly tried to push it away. “You know you can talk to me right? Still... I just, we were friends first- I miss having you in my life.” He muttered, biting down on his lip again at his show of vulnerability. “You used to be able to tell me anything...”

She could feel it - that desperate urge to run her hand along his jawline and tell him it would be okay. Even now, her first instinct was to comfort him. Her feelings for him had never gone away - she’d only pushed them to the far back of her subconscious with the rest of the things she couldn’t control. “Please stop blaming yourself. I told you - it wasn’t you. It wasn’t anything that you did or didn’t do. Life isn’t as simple as wanting someone and having them. There are other things to consider. Other… obligations.” How did she make him understand without saying anything that would give her away? His next question nearly broke her - the look in his eyes, the venom on his lips. Her hand reflexively went to her neck, instinctively tracing the thin scar that ran along it. The scar Stefano had left when he’d pressed a blade against her throat, the night she’d shot him three times in the chest. “No. He wasn’t.” Her voice was barely a whisper and her eyes were suddenly looking everywhere but at him.

There was so much unfinished business between them... there had been such promise in their relationship, such hope... yet everything had seemed to go so terribly wrong so awfully fast. He’d managed to bury his feelings for her, he’d had to... he needed to get on with his life, take over the company upon his father’s death... mourning his relationship with Maeve wouldn’t have been feasible, or the smart thing to do. So he had packed his feelings for her away deep in the recesses of his mind and simply done his best to not think about her, even if that grew harder and harder with every newspaper announcement and social event he saw her in. “I can’t help it Maeve, I wish I could blame you instead. But feelings don’t work like that.” He muttered, sullen at her continued vagueness. “Obligations?” He finally asked, voice still cold and faraway. “Is that what your marriage to him was? An obligation? Call me old fashioned, but I’d like to think marriage is something more than that.” He sniped, eyes tracking her movements as her hand went to her neck, seeming to trace something he just couldn’t see. “What’s that?” He finally asked, taking a step closer to her for the first time. Her next broken words stopped him yet again, a frown confusing his features as he tried to make sense of what she’d just said. “Then why choose him over me? Over us?”

“It just happened. It’s… complicated. It wasn’t about what you do or don’t deserve. It was just how it had to be.” He was getting under her skin - the way only Xander had ever been able to do. This was why she’d left him with as little of an exchange as possible. This was why she’d turned her back and walked away without her usually carefully cultivated act. He’d always been able to see right through her. “Can you just listen to me when I say that it’s what was best? Please? Can’t we just leave it there?” There’s a hint of desperation in her voice, some of her vulnerability leaking through. But it’s gone almost instantly, stomped down and hidden away. “I did what I had to do. I’m sorry that it hurt you. I don’t think anything more needs to be said about it.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit Maeve!” He complained, eyes flickering with a mixture of hurt and anger. He was done with these useless answers, it was always the same with her. But now they were alone and there was nowhere to hide. He wanted answers, his job had only made him more stubborn, more determined. He would get them. “You can keep repeating those same lies over and over, but that’s all they are. So don’t try to convince me otherwise. I know you, I know you. I think I deserve to know the truth. What happened?” He repeated, his expression turning to the familiar one of stubborn determination. “I can’t just leave it Maeve. I’ve never been able to just leave it. You’re the one who always did that best.” He muttered, tone turning to one of hurt again. He could see her beginning to get desperate before her defences flew back up and the emotion confused him. “What aren’t you telling me? Please... I deserve to know.”

Maeve dug her heels into the floor as he yelled at her. She deserved it - she knew that. She deserved every bit of his anger. But that didn’t make it any more tolerable. She pressed her fingernails into the heels of her palms ( a nervous habit she’d always had ) and focused on controlling her breathing. She had to be so, so careful not to reveal something she shouldn’t. Not to say the wrong thing. “I never cheated on you,” she pressed firmly. “Nothing I did was meant to hurt you. It wasn’t even about you.” She took a step closer and stopped herself, holding herself back. It hurt her too and she couldn’t even show it. “And hearing me give you excuses isn’t going to change anything.”

The fact that she was refusing to engage in the conversation with him was infuriating in of itself. He could see that she was nervous, she still had the same nervous tics she had had when they’d been together. Something that made his stomach flip at the realisation. It still hurt, her leaving him... He’d loved her. “Then what was it about Maeve? Didn’t I deserve an explanation? You just broke up with me and left- didn’t I deserve more that that? The week before we were talking about moving in together- what happened?!” 

“It isn’t. My boss made me go on vacation.” Maeve crossed her arms over her chest, still angry at the thought. She had always been a workaholic - that had been how she’d met Xander in the first place. All of those hours, arriving early and staying late at Mesdag Enterprises. It wasn’t long before she’d caught the attention of Xander Mesdag himself. She let out an angry scoff at his next words, shaking her head. “What do you want me to say, Xander?” Even as she asked the question, she already knew the answer. He wanted the one thing she couldn’t give him: an honest explanation. “I’ve already apologized. I don’t know what else to give you.”

“Figures.” He muttered, more to himself than her as he leant against the doorframe, not really game to come in any closer, while also not wanting to run away just yet. He did have questions for her, and now there weren’t any reporters around he might just get some answers. “I want a bloody explanation!” He snapped, his expression showing his hurt for just a moment before he regained his ‘calm’. “You broke up with me, you ran away from the company- you married some other guy- were you cheating on me? Was that it? I just- I don’t even want to look at you. You fucked me over Maeve. “ He muttered, half turning away from her as he tried to reel in his overwhelming hurt and anger. 

“Right. Of course.” There were few people that could actually make Maeve feel uncomfortable and Xander Mesdag topped that list. He was a particularly difficult person to lie to ( she always felt like his clear blue eyes could see right through her ). Which complicated things, of course, considering the amount and severity of things that she had and was currently still lying to him about. But it had been for his own good, she always reminded herself. Anything she had told him could have gotten him killed. “Well. How’ve you been?”

“I have to admit... I didn’t really think that this kind of place was your scene.” He began, running a hand through his hair, a nervous habit of his. He hated that there was an awkwardness between them. Once upon a time they had been as comfortable being together as they were being alone. At her next question, he couldn’t help the bleak laugh that escaped him. “Are you really asking me that question?” He asked with a sigh. “We might as well talk about the weather Maeve. You made it pretty bloody clear you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

A shiver immediately found its way up Maeve’s spine - and not from the nearly freezing weather beyond the cabin door. Her whole body tensed and froze, not ready to turn around quite yet. She knew that voice - she’d know it anywhere. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning around, her eyes gliding over him slowly and carefully. “Xander,” she finally managed, fighting to keep her tone even. Oh, her assistant was definitely getting fired. “What are you doing here?”

Out of all the bad luck, all of the coincidences... It had to have been Maeve that he ended up sharing a cabin with. The one girl who had been responsible for breaking his heart. That was not a title that many people carried, he didn’t let people get close to him for fear of that. Yet here she was. He had spent years trying to avoid her, to stop thinking about her. Grinning through functions that they were both attending before going home and doing everything he could to get her out of his head. Why was life such a cruel, cold bitch. “Presumedly the same thing as you, Maeve.” He began wearily, his tone guarded. 

@xandermesdag

Shared cabins. Somehow, when Maeve’s assistant had been making her travel plans, this detail had slipped passed her ( a fireable offense, her assistant would soon find out ). Now she would have to share her living space with strangers - and the brunette didn’t take well to sharing. She’d been the first to arrive and had immediately commandeered the biggest bedroom with the best view. She stood over the bed, unpacking her bag, when she heard footsteps behind her. “I’ve already claimed this room,” she spoke without turning around.

So this weekend away definitely wasn’t turning out how he had expected... The hotel he’d intended to stay at had made a mix-up with the rooms meaning he would be sharing with three other strangers. Resigned to his fate, he entered the cabin and looked around to see if anybody else had yet arrived. With the coast seeming clear, he let out a heavy sigh and began to explore. Entering one of the bedrooms, he paused as he noticed a figure already in the room. “My apologies.” He began politely before freezing as he realised that he recognised the woman’s voice.