gives you hell

Kristy: One time that hurt my feelings! I dunno, prooooobably not but we'll see how you do next year. Although, next year if you forget I probably won't even be speaking to your for the rest of literally forever so I guess you'd be freed? You delivered!!! 💖💖💖💖💖

Zoe: It was nothing! Forget I said it.

Zoe: Well good for you, that you have so much faith in her and this marriage. I'm happy for you guys, and will do my best as Maid of Honor to make it your special, special day. Is that what you'd like to hear?

Xander: You can tell me stuff if you have stuff to say, you know.

Zoe: Nothing.

Zoe: No, I could see you guys being together forever. But her getting mad at you for Valentine's Day is exactly what I'm talking about. I love her, but that means I know her. She's spiteful and insecure. That's why I feel like this isn't coming from the right place.

Xander: Didn't seem like nothing to me.

Kristy: Since I apparently have to remind you to remember me for certain events now, I just want you to know that if you forget to win me in the bachelorette auction i'm ✂️✂️✂️ ing you OFF

Ajax: Well, a brick is easier to find than the fountain of youth so LOL

Ajax: I guess I don't know their lives that great either because I'm not too sure why they stopped either.

Xander: Yeah... I'm just gonna let you have that one, no need for logic today.

Wow, uh -- couldn’t tell you, I wasn’t exactly taking notes. 

Woah, woah, there are a lot of weird facts being spread around here. I’ve wanted to propose to @kriseryx. And of course I love @zoecharis, and yeah, it was kind of... you know, exciting to do something a little different with my two favorite people. But if you guys think I’m like, running off and leaving Kristy, that’s wild.

Zoe: Of course she seemed like she needed it right then. 🙄

Zoe: I AM happy for you! Believe me, you're my favorite people in the world. The circumstances just don't feel right to me. I don't know, I have a bad feeling.

Xander: What does that mean?

Cute. Check your phone. I’m not having this conversation with you publicly. 

That doesn’t sound good...

Ajax: I KNOW. It's too much, sometimes I wish I could put a brick on her head and keep her little forever.

Ajax: Huh.

Ajax: But they also StOPPED for a reason, right? Like, that hasn't just gone away has it?

Xander: That would just make her short, she'd still be getting older on the inside, dude.

Zoe: Twenty years? ...So you proposed to her? Or was it the other way around and you just ~happened to have a ring?

Xander: I don't know, it was kind of both of us? I've just been waiting for the right moment, but we weren't in any rush, but she sort of seemed like she needed it right then or something so I just finally did it.

Seventy years off, but good guess. 

Zoe: So...what? You just HAD to see me naked before making your century-long relationship official on a stupid piece of paper? Why would you guys get engaged NOW? I'm trying to process this.

Xander: Uhhhhhhhhhhh

Wow, Dare Night was wild, right? I was so trashed, I barely remember anything – who wants to fill me in on what you know, or don’t know, or have heard that happened that night? Since I totally have no clue. At all. 

Let’s just say you spent some pretty quality time with your two favorite people in this world and any world.

Ajax: Weird. I kind of stop believing that people younger than Aster exist LOL but I'm sure we're all babies to you, old man, so you don't share my conundrum :-P

Ajax: What if it's the first girl to give him some but, like, he's also had a lot of sex in between? Like, a LOT of sex? Like you could make a musical, cast and crew and maybe even audience, of all the people he's slept with.

Xander: Lol just slightly babyish to me, yeah :-p Aster's practically an old woman now, though! They grow up so fast.

Again? Fuck’s always an option, too, I guess. If Kristy’s down and Zoe’s down, then I’m down.