💗Ana💗

"You left me falling and landing inside my grave

I know that you want me dead

I take prescriptions to make me feel a-okay

I know it's all in my head."

found some old original 3mmc pills and powder I bought like 3 years ago in an old party bag I thought was empty, they seem to still be good and tbh if you're doing mephedrone regularly, I don't think you'll get scared off my some pills that are slightly expired and thus a little less potent at most. But I heard this shit very wanted since the original 3mmc and 4mmc is pretty much gone now, especially now with the blanket ban in Europe in full swing... but I won't be selling ts since I'm not tryna go to prison for dealing or anything.. idk what to do with em yet cause I hate stimulants, they make me feel icky, anxious and very paranoid

While popping some oxazepam, 7-oh & hitting my thc vape 🌬💨🍁🌿💊

(cause I'm out of opioids again... luckily I also have some methadone to hold me over tho so I'm not sick cause of that and the 7-oh. hopefully I can get some pills & h from my plug first thing tomorrow.. I kinda suspect that he likes me tho, since he keeps giving me free shit "on the house" lately... but idk if I would survive if I started dating my dope boy tbh, having pretty much unlimited 24/7 acces to oxy, heroin & fent would most likely be the death of me)

Fuck this shit

I'm gonna go sniff some k3tam1n3 now

I need to escape for a bit

Scored some more oxy today, I'm in heaven again~ ❤️‍🩹

Listening to Alice in Chains, Nirvana & Hole rn, in a grunge mood

I will fr never again take benzos, I hate the "high" & once I take one I am immediately useless for the following day as well. I took some Xanax because my oxy ran out & I could only get some the following morning. So I had to make do, but Xanax makes me feel so weird and I literally cannot eat or drink on it cause it makes me want to puke immediately, my mouth also feels so weird on it. I managed to score some Methadone so I won't get sick because all opioids were out of stock once again at all my plugs... but like, this Methadone also slaps if you take enough of it. It knocked me out for like 5 hours, and I'm obviously everything but opioid naive. I hope that I'll be able to get oxy ASAP though. I feel so depressed and like I'm behind in life. My boyfriend passed his driving test & managed to get his driver's license today, and I'm genuinely so happy and proud of him obviously!! But it also makes me feel insecure about myself and my own accomplishments, like I'm way behind and if I don't catch up then he's gonna throw me to the curb for another girl who has everything together... I know he isn't like that, he promised me he would never leave. But it's just my BPD fear of abandonment playing up I guess... I hope they see that I'm trying my very best even though it's not much in their eyes probably. (My bf and my in laws, since my mother in law is very critical and demanding... She genuinely scares me. She has told me that I'm unstable and don't amount to much at the moment, so yeah... I always feel less than trash when I'm around them..)

But I just try to cope with the song Miss World by Hole:

"I am the girl you know

Can't look you in the eye

I am the girl you know

So sick, I cannot try

I am the one you want

Can't look you in the eye

I am the girl you know

I lie and lie and lie"

I don't want to feel anything anymore for a bit...