i’m the he/him lesbian you keep hearing about

i feel like i’m cursed forever but other than that i’m doing alright

Oh, to be granted the power to speak to animals for just like 38 seconds, so that I could tell this pebble-brained feathery fuckass that nobody is impressed that he started singing earlier than anybody else. There's no bird pussy available at 2 am. The dames can sense your desperation. Stop screaming for at least three more hours.

(never degraded someone before) you have your mother's cruelty. and your father's cowardice.

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

at least sisyphus only had one never-ending task. i have like 50 and all of them cost money

I sometimes feel that I'm not doing enough with my life, but at least I grew my first two arms significantly before a cactus would have been expected to.

Reblog if you grew your first two arms significantly before a cactus would be expected to

Be sure to give adolescent saguaros a thumbs up to let them know they’re doing a good job.

I’m a late night conversation type of person.

This is one of the most powerful images I have ever seen, and I will reblog it every single time because every single time it brings tears to my eyes.