What Do You Know?

System account is @doyouburn-yourt0ast

Rwanda / Sign off is : ✂️

Minor Alter / Adult body

Fragtive [Fragment + Fictive]

I struggle with : Impulsive behavior, Intrusive thoughts, Morality, Paraphilias, and Homicidal/Sui ideations.

This is a vent account for those above. I don’t really expect to be responded to or even seen. I just want somewhere to talk, that’s all.

Must be nice to be so privileged and so grateful that you can straight up deny that programming ain’t a thing. Must be nice to have trauma that you can heal within 30< years and not your whole fuckin’ life.

Must be fucking nice.

I envy you.

Didn’t have this DAMN system in my head, cockblocking my every THOUGHT AND ACTION.

I (headmate-wise) struggle with it quite a bit. I find myself wanting to brutally hurt things that are smaller than me.

Of course, I try to redirect these thoughts.

Being a Paraphile because of trauma is genuinely such a shameful experience?

No matter what you do and where you go, daily life is filled and equipped with language and jokes and information that not only DENIES your existence but IN FACT, tells you, YOU SHOULDNT exist. That WE should get / deserve the death penalty.

I’m not saying we should normalize Paraphiles or paraphilia havers… but holy shit.

I’m so tired of hating myself for something that was forced onto me. I hate my attractions and my body and my mind.

I wish I could scrub it free

But I can’t.

Then I can’t even leave the house and interact with everyday life or people. Because no matter what I do or how I portray myself, there’s always an “enemy” nearby. Someone who will, in a heartbeat, call me a future pedophile or a “criminal”. Someone who won’t think twice about my trauma and my emotions and treat me as if I’m a stain on this world.

So I can’t ever let my guard down. Not even in my own house.