Don't even bother

Kara smiled and knelt down for Lena to climb on her shoulders. It was an odd arrangement, but it worked. Kara patiently waited in each spot as Lena worked, lifting her to the table itself on occasion and helping out with some of the wires when needed. She then lifted her up again and carried her to a different table for the next part.

Mxy was apparently not done with his little table torment, occasionally changing up the tables and splitting some in half. Not in any way the disrupted their actual work, but annoying nonetheless.

Kara had no idea what exactly they were working on and she decided not to ask. If Lena wanted to tell her she would. It was interesting though, a combination of special brainwave and radiation to limit parts of the brain. To what end, Kara didn't know, but it was clear Lena took great care to keep the thing safe.

They then proceeded to go through several testing phases until the device was approved as safe according to the large computer monitor in front of them – one that seemed particularly large to their small figures – and Kara had a feeling Mxy stretched it to be far larger than before.

The large wall to the side of the room opened up to reveal a window showing the entirety of National City from above.

Something was off though. It wasn't until Kara took a closer look, she noticed everything was static, as if the city was frozen in time.

“This is a simulation, of course, so none of this testing will hurt anyone in case you were wondering.” Lena said quickly once the window opened up.

“I wasn't.” Kara said. She trusted Lena and went through several of Mxy's simulations already to know they aren't real. No matter how real they felt.

“Good. So you know we can't interfere no matter what.” Lena said coldly, which only made it sound more eerie coming from small Lena's mouth. It was uncanny how adorable she was like that.

“What is going to happen?” Kara asked.

Lena didn't answer immediately, instead moving to press on several buttons on her screen, making the city come to life.

A bar on the screen started going up, showcasing the influence level of the device on the city as news flashed on the screen showing any new crime and report. Kara tried to keep up, but they were too fast for her to follow.

“Do you understand the purpose of the machine?” Lena kept her gaze not on the screen as she spoke.

“To control behaviours.” Kara guessed. “Supress urges.”

“Do you know of what nature?”

“Um, agression?” Kara took a shot in the dark.

“Close enough.” Lena nodded.

They turned to watch the screen together. The influence bar reached maximum capacity as the crime bar got lower. Very simple UI, so at the very least it was easy to follow.

Lena sped it up. It looked as if the city moved in superspeed, making it seem like a blur. It seemed to be going well according to the computer data, crime rates were actively declining as time moved on. There were a few spikes in activities which Kara assumed were related to more severe crimes. There were spikes in the health monitor, but they all quickly stabilised, letting Lena release a breath of relief. Kara attempted to follow the data, but it all moved so fast and she had no indication what was really related to what besides their basic metric names.

Before Kara knew it, the city stopped once again. The result printed in an old school fax machine from the bottom of the screen for, probably, Mxy reasons.

Result: 5% decline in overall crime rate in the city, mostly petty crime, yet a sharp rise in fraud related crimes by 27%. Divorce rate higher than before, 40% more cases settled in court, depression rate spiked and record number of admittance to psychic health clinics and the list went on.

It was obviously not the result Lena was expecting for.

“No! No!” Lena shouted. “That was supposed to work! Why didn't it work!” Lena's voice came out strained and uneven. She was holding herself together up until that point, but that was clearly one step too far even for her. Lena fell to the ground, her large green eyes shone under the dim light of the lab and looked to be on the verge of tears.

Kara moved to check the results closer. The printed paper kept on going, emitting loud sounds of this archaic technically, and pilling up this one long never ending paper. It was very detailed, specifying every single incident that occurred in the city during the experiment. It seemed like the waves, while minimising aggression, did cause several mental health problems among the people, but the most interesting detail was the crimes themselves. Less violence in nature, like clear abuse, but more and more complicated crimes with the intention to help others without hurting anybody, yet people were always hurt by the result. A cruel reminder of the complexity of their reality. Nothing was easily solvable and if anyone tried to say otherwise they were sorely mistaken.

“It wasn't their intention.” Kara tried to soften the blow of another failure. “You can see here,” She raised the still printing paper. “They were trying to help or protect others.”

“So? Lena asked, her high pitch voice making her sound even smaller than she looked. “They still did those things! They still hurt people!” She pointed at the printing of the paper. “Nothing really changed.”

“Maybe we can try to –”

“I did!”

“But I was gonna say–”

“It doesn't matter. I tried everything, Kara. Everything. I've been at it for months. Even before your freakie friend tried to help.”

“Maybe…” Kara wasn't sure where she was going with this. “Maybe mistakes are innevetable. It's just who we are as beings. We make mistakes no matter how much we try to avoid them, but it could also be a good thing.”

“How so?” Lena asked, sniffing loudly as she wiped away her tears with her long sleeve.

“It's sometimes our only way to grow, to have a better understanding of ourselves, others and the world. To build empathy. A necessary part of our existence. I don't think most people do bad stuff out of malice, I think they are just driven by fear and, unfortunately, fear tends to rob us of reason.” Kara spoke gently. The sentiment somehow sounded too naive in her childlike voice, but she stood behind her words regardless.

Lena said nothing, her gaze drifting back to the frozen city. Despite its frozen state, it still felt as if the city was somewhat alive thanks to the sparkling dots of light.

The small brunette stepped closer to the window her young face only slightly reflected in the glass as her coat trailed behind her. The silence was constantly interrupted by the printing sound that didn't seem like it was about to stop any time soon.

“You said mistakes are inevitable and needed for growth,”Lena finally spoke. “But Kara, you betrayed my trust, I still… I'm not sure I can get past that.” Lena turned to her and Kara could see the tears welling in her eyes. They looked so big on her small chubby face.

“I know.” Kara said, taking a deep breath and walking closer for Lena to make sure she could hear her above the printing. “As I said, at the end we are still accountable for our mistakes. I've made mine and I'm accepting the consequences. No matter how much I wish things would be different, I know that I've made my bed. I will spend my life trying to repent, but that does not mean you ever expected to forgive me.” It broke her heart to speak those words, but she knew them to be true. “I'm just saying that circumstances can explain behaviours, they do not erase accountability. If every bad decision can be excused by pain, then responsibility means nothing. But taking responsibility over our actions, over our mistakes is often what we need to grow.”

“So what, pain and suffering is good?” Lena sniffed and wiped away her eyes.

“Not good, but essential.” Kara shifted her balance, not quite ready to look Lena in the eye. “They are part of life. I think they are the way the world balances out the good and the bad. Without downs there are no ups.” Kara tried to add with a small chuckle, but it did nothing to alleviate the tension in the room. “I know loss.” She stated more seriously. “Sometimes it felt like it was all I knew. Sometimes it still does. But I think because I know that, I can appreciate moments I wouldn't otherwise.”

Lena nodded but said nothing.

“Does that mean I can never be forgiven?” Mxy's voice made them both jump in place. They were not expecting an intrusion at that moment.

“What did you do?” Lena asked, trying to collect herself in front of the new presence.

“Tried to force Kara to marry me.” He said with a hint of regret. Despite his grand gesture to make her forgive him, it was the first time she spotted any actual regret on the imp.

“And invade my life, and abduct me, and give me an ultimatum that would put the risk of others if I kept on refusing!” Kara burst out. She held on to it for a while now. The way he invaded her life was cruel and mean.

“Right, that too.” He nodded. “So that's a no?”

“Why are you trying to make it up to me?” Kara asked. “It doesn't feel like you're really sorry.”

“But I am!” He said. “When I returned home it felt like a blow. I was even angry at you. But after a while I just… I had this feeling in my chest – an uncomfortable feeling!” He clarified. “And the more I looked at your dimension, I figured that the only way to make this feeling go away is to make you forgive me! And the best way to do that is by making an exchange. I give you a wish, and you grant me forgiveness.” He spoke as all of it was as simple as that.

“But you still lied to me.” She pointed out. “You couldn't actually change the past when you offered me that wish!”

“Ugh, small details.” He waved her off.

“No, but that is exactly what I talked about! You made a mistake, a very selfish terrible mistake and you can barely acknowledge that! You can't grow unless you take accountability, unless you recognise how and why your actions were wrong.”

“I… yeah okay.” He sighed. “I was just very lonely.” He said, his physical appearance changed, morphing his adult form to a child in similar age to her and Lena. “I just wanted some friends.” He said in a small voice.

“Then you need to learn that friends don't demand stuff from each other,” Kara was set to put him in his place no matter how adorable he looked in his child form. “If you wanted to be my friend you would've actually tried to help.”

“And what's your excuse?” Lena asked, cutting her off.

“What?” Kara turned, surprised to be adressed.

“Seems like Mxy recognised he made mistakes and tried to at least do something about it.” Lena gave her a forced shrug.

“I tried to fix it! I tried to make it so I would've told you sooner!” Kara said defensively.

“It really worked out great, didn't it?” Lena asked sarcastically.

“I didn't know it was impossible at the time.” She argued. “And I told you. No matter how much I wish for things to go back to how it was, or… become anything more. I know that it's not up to me now. At the end of the day, I made my mistakes and I know I'm not owed to be forgiven. I'm not sure I deserve to.” She added in a smaller voice.

“I just…” Lena seemed to struggle with her words, her eyes brimming with fresh tears and she tried to compose her expression. Kara wasn't sure if it was the situation they were in or the fact that they were all kids that made them so emotional.“Why?” Lena managed to ask at the end.

“I guess it's not far off from Mxy's core issue.” Kara said. “Loneliness.”

Lena gave her an amused snort.

“I mean it.” Kara insisted.

“Kara, you're the most friendly person I know. You're sunshine in a person.” Lena almost made it sound like an insult.

Kara looked at her confused, unsure what she was getting at.

“You can't tell me you have problems making friends.” Lena said eventually.

Kara gave her a shrug with a forced bitter smile. “I guess I'm full of surprises.”

“Really?” Lena asked, her question holding less bite than before.

“What can I say, I'm apparently not great with people. Never was.” She sighed. “I was bullied in school when I first arrived and the only friend I had was murdered before we even finished high school. I only really had the Danvers but even Jeremiah died around the same time so I was alone. That's all I knew. I was sort of friends with Winn, but he became more involved after I told him my secret – James already knew when he arrived – and it kinda felt like all of our relationships revolved around Supergirl and that side of my life. Just that. And then I met you…” She shifted her gaze towards Lena, feeling her own tears blurring her vision. “And with you, for the first time I could just be me and I was enough. I was afraid that if you knew, then me – Kara – wouldn't matter anymore. That I'd be alone again.”

Lena didn't answer for a long while. Mxy willed out a box of tissues into existence and passed it around for them to use. That was sweet of him at the very least, perhaps he was learning.

“Was that, um, was it like that back…” Lena didn't finish her sentence but Kara had guessed what she was referring to.

“On Krypton?” She asked and Lena nodded. “I only had one friend back on Krypton and I managed to botch even that relationship before my world was lost so I will never get to have any resolution with her. I was sent off from everything I knew and she died without getting even a proper apology.”

It took her a moment to notice the forgotten familiar red glow of the city, but the change in light was enough to make them both glance back at the large window. Only now instead of National City frozen in time there it was – Kandor, Krypton – more vibrant and alive than it had been in decades. It was all there. Every familiar building, hovercraft flying in the skies and kryptonians walking about the place with a Kellex unit or two.

Kara broke down in tears as the false light of Rao hit her face for the first time in years.

“Oh, was that too much?” She heard Mxy ask. “I really did try to help this time.”

Kara wasn't sure if she wanted to force her eyes open and take every bit of the place she grew up in or shut them tight and never look back. The choice were taken from her in the end. Without much fanfare, her small childlike sobs grew dipper, her body back in her adult form and the scenery around them changed back to her apartment.

“I'll just…” Mxy didn't even finish his sentence before he disappeared.

Kara was still struggling to hold back her tears or control her breathing. It was too much. It was way beyond too much. She really wasn't sure if Lena had left as well until a gentle hand landed on her shoulder followed by a glass of water and Mxy's box of tissues.

“Thanks.” Kara barely managed.

It took her longer than she liked to even out her breaths and stop the tears, and by the end both women found themselves sitting on the couch in complete silence, each unsure what to say.

“It wouldn't have changed things between us.” Lena broke the silence. “Your secret, that it.”

“How can you know that?”

“I know because… I just know.”

Silence fell upon them again. Unlike the silance in Mxy's world, the city around them was very much alive and constantly moving. Traffic, people, and other sounds filled Kara's senses. She let them overwhelm her without attempting to suppress them, wishing she could drown in it for just a moment.

“You said that you will not hide anything from me from now on, right?”

It took Kara a moment to realise Lena had spoken. “Yes.” She said eventually.

“Can you tell me about Krypton?” Lena asked, her voice so soft and raw it brought a smile to Kara's lips.

“Yes.” She nodded. “Of course.”

They talked all throughout the night. Lena was attentive and listened closely, even chiming in and sharing a few stories of her own that Kara never heard.

They woke up hours later on the couch where they both had apparently fallen asleep on. Feeling somewhat groggy, tired, and emotionally drained, they got up and made some breakfast in silence.

It was comfortable. Despite the silence there was no need to fill it up. The only thing that kept bothering Kara was the moment Lena would decide to leave, potentially never to be seen again. At least not in any social settings. She was in no rush to finish their breakfast and get on with their day.

Kara suggested an episode of the x-files which was one of the shows they used to watch together, and to her absolute surprise Lena agreed. They continued to sit in comfortable silence as one episode turned into two. By the third they ordered food and by the fifth they started commenting on moments in the show. They ordered more food by the sixth and by the ninth they finally noticed how dark it was outside.

“I should probably go.” Lena said after letting out a big yawn.

“You can stay here if you want.” Kara couldn't help but offer, hoping to just get a bit more time with Lena before the innevetable end.

“I think after a night in an awkward position on the couch my back aches for a proper mattress.” Lena said with a small smile.

Kara's offer to let Lena sleep in her bed died on her lips. They were just friendly for the first time in a while, she didn't want to make Lena uncomfortable in any way. “Okay.” Kara said instead.

“But if you want…” Lena started.

“Yes?” Kara asked, as Lena's sentence trailed off.

“If you want, maybe we can do that again. And I can't promise anything, but maybe, maybe, we can work through it. I can't promise anything, but I think we can try.” They were finally in their adult bodies, yet Kara couldn't help but see the small brunette with the round cheeks and the big green eyes speaking to her.

“Yeah.” Kara said eagerly. “I'd love to.”

“But on one condition.”

“Of course!” Kara agreed before Lena even had a chance to explain.

“No more secrets. Any secrets. No matter how small or insignificant. No going behind my back on anything. I'm asking for full transparency.” There was an air of authority as she spoke and Kara no longer saw the small child in front of her, but the business woman she grew up to be.

“I promise.” Kara said without hesitation.

“Good. Okay. Then I guess I'll see you later?” Lena's shoulders relaxed and she even sent her a small smile.

“Yes.” Kara smiled back. It was amazing how shy this woman could get despite the projected aura of confidence. It was one of the many things Kara loved about her. “Oh, wait!”

“What?”

“Well, I did promise you no more secrets and, well, I do sort of have one…”

“Do you have a third secret identity?” Lena raised a sharp brow in question and Kara could only laugh at the idea.

“I barely have time for the two and you expect me to have a third?”

“Alright, what is it then?”

“I… well… it's just…” Why was this so hard? No, she promised Lena the truth and the whole truth, she had to rip off the band aid and just go for it. “I'm in love with you.”

“What?” Lena blinked twice in quick succession.

“I'm in love with you.” She repeated in case she missed it the first time. “I realised it during one of Mxy's attempts. I mean I felt that before, I just didn't realise it until recently. And just to be clear I'm not expecting anything to happen! Even if you're not interested I'd be more than happy to just be your friend. Nothing has to change, I just wanted you to know because... No more secrets, right?” She added with a slightly awkward chuckle at the end.

Lena didn't answer. She stared at her for a long moment as if attempting to piece together an invisible puzzle. Kara was desperate for her to say something but decided to wait and give Lena the time to digest the news.

A notification in her phone brought Lena out of it. “Um, my ride is here. I should – I should go.” She said and turned to the door without waiting for a response.

Lena was out of her apartment and her place never felt so empty.

Kara took a deep breath. If that was Lena's decision then she would have to live with it. She would survive. She kept repeating it like a mantra to stop herself from bawling. She got something to eat, brushed her teeth, shower and got into bed hoping and praying she would be able to fall asleep.

When her phone chimed with a notification she debated if she even had the mental strength to check it. By the third notification she reached out. It was when she noticed the messages were from Lena that she eagerly unlocked her phone.

Lena: Sorry for running off like that. I was not expecting that. Do you want to go get frozen yogurt tomorrow?

Lena: Just to be clear, I am asking you on a date.

Lena: If we're making a fresh start why not try something new, right?

Kara couldn't stop the spreading smile on her lips even if she tried, and she had no intention of trying.

Kara: sounds great! Can't wait<3

Giddiness and excitement overtook her. Suddenly she had a whole other reason to keep her up, yet sleep found her soon after, her dreams filled with green eyes and soft smiles.

— — —

Kara spent an unreasonable amount of time trying out different clothes. She ended up face timing with Alex and Kelly to help her choose the perfect outfit. She settled on a blue t-shirt with a small dinosaur print on the side that really showed off her arms and some nice slacks Kelly approved of.

Deciding to make the extra step, Kara went to the shop to get the ingredients she needed. It's been a while since she made her signature pasta, but thankfully helping her other self made it helped jog up her memory. She left the final touches for the last minute since she wasn't sure how long they would be at the frozen yogurt place or if Lena would even want dinner after a dessert.

Lena was waiting for her in front of the shop by the time Kara arrived. She looked so beautiful in jeans and a simple red shirt that Lena somehow made look high class and elegant. How lucky she was to get to that point, to get that chance.

“Lena.” Kara breathed out more than she said. “You're… beautiful.”

Lena bit off her lip as her cheeks grew a lovely crimson. “You don't look so bad yourself.” Her voice got lower and immediately spread heat all over Kara's body.

“Can I kiss you?” Kara blurred out. She planned to do it properly, to have a lovely date, to present her with a home coocked meal and give her a small peck at the end. But Lena looked so lovely, they were on a date and Lena's lips looked so… kissable.

“Yeah.” Lena let out. “Okay.” She said louder for Kara to hear. A small smile spread on her lips.

Kara leaned in. Hesitant at first – not sure what to do with her hands and how to approach.

At the first touch of lips all her worries fizzled away. Her other self was right. Lena was indeed a great kisser, a fantastic one even. The kiss sent small shivers down her spine and made her feel even more giddy and hot.

Kara let out a small chuckle as they parted. Lena bit her lip in an attempt to suppress a smile. Kara leaned in for a second kiss before they finally walked inside.

The date was great. They used it as a chance to catch up on their lost time and learn more about each other. It all felt incredibly fragile, but Kara knew she would do what it takes to make it last. And if at any point Lena would decide it was too much for her, think it was all a mistake, she vowed to step aside and leave her alone. This new start did not erase her past mistake, her accountability, but it was something they both agreed to take a chance on regardless.

Walking back to Kara's place, Kara surprised her with her signature homemade pasta dish, which got high praises from Lena.

Lena didn't stay the night, but they made plans to meet up for a second date in a few days and parted ways with another searing kiss.

They didn't want to rush anything. So they started out slow. Small dates, building up trust, building up something new.

Electricity returned to the city and with it light started popping up all around them like fireflies overtaking the city, growing and shaping the metropolis around them.

It reminded her of the light festival back in Krypton when they would turn off all the lights just before the main event to reveal each year's magnificent light performance. She had always loved it and hoped to participate in one day. To plan her own special light show to commemorate Rao.

The memory came flooding in uninvited. It was clearer than ever. Her last light festival on Krypton, Tali's hand grasping hers, leading her away to a quiet spot where they could watch the show atop a nearby structure, away from the large crowd. They were just shy of being assigned a partner by the matrix. She remembered their talk about the future, Tali's hand in hers, the kiss.

Oh, Rao, they kissed! Realisation washed over her like a cold bucket of ice water. Show of affection was already taboo in Kryptonian society and even more so with a person not assigned as your partner by the matrix. But she had kissed Tali! Worst of all, she remembered distinctly wanting to just before their lips met.

Kara felt as if the world was spinning all of a sudden and needed to grab hold of the building's edge to keep herself from collapsing onto the roof. She kissed Tali. She wanted to. Probably just as much as her other self wanted to kiss Lena.

Kara shook her head but the guilt in her stomach became harder to ignore. She had run after her kiss with Tali and refused to look her in the eye afterwards. Not long after that she was sent in a pod to a strange new planet, away from everything she knew. Her people died, and Tali with them. They never got to make amends, Kara never got to apologise for running away or even see if they were compatible through the matrix after all.

Kara let out a small bitter chuckle at her new realisation. So she had always been like that. Afraid to stray from the norm like her life was dependent on it. Her life really was dependent on it once she landed on earth. That was her survival mode for so many years, but was that restricting her from living her life? Wasn't she doomed to live in regret?

Wasn't it why she ended up in this whole mess to begin with? She refused to let Lena in and paid the price. She would continue to pay this price on every single relationship in her life until she would do something about it.

Kara promised to not give up on Lena, but first she would have to not give up on herself. It was like a light switch, as if the answers were always right in front of her but were simply shrouded in darkness until she turned on the light. It was so obvious. It was laughable how obvious it was, yet she refused to see it for so long. There was a huge relief followed by sadness at the thought, but she knew better than to dwell on it. She still had many uncertainties, but she decided it was better to confront them then to run away and hide.

“Okay there space buckaroo?” Mxy's voice brought her back to the present.

“Yeah,” Kara heard herself saying. “Yeah, I'm fine.” She jumped off the ledge, keeping her afloat at the same height she was sitting in and dusted her clothes off from whatever clinged to her clothes through her flight.

“So what are you planning to do now?” He asked.

“Face my future.” She declared both to him and herself. She puffed her chest up and flew back to her apartment.

It was a shorter flight this time around, now that she had an actual destination. It was quite late by the time she arrived, yet her old self was still awake, sitting on her couch sipping tea. She was waiting for her, Kara realised.

“I'm sorry.” Kara blurred out as she passed through the open window.

“Oh, I'm glad you're okay.” Her old self rushed to hug her with relief.

“I'm sorry I ran away.” She repeated, feeling as small as she looked.

“It's okay, I just… it got me spiralling.” Her old self let her go and offered her a cup of tea which Kara gratefully accepted.

“It just… caught me off guard. I wasn't prepared for… this.” Kara still found it hard to verbalise.

“So you and Lena had never…?”

“No.”

“Oh.” Her old self said, stirring the cup in her hand.

They drank out their tea in silence that felt both awkward and comforting at the same time.

“We kissed Tali.” Kara said, braiking the silence.

“Yes.” Her older self chuckled. “Did you only just remember it?”

“Yes. When did you realise it?” She asked.

“Last time we talked about her. It came to me in a dream and it was difficult to think of nothing else afterwards.” Her old self sent her a small smile.

Kara hummed in understanding. It was all she could think about as well. Tali and, well, Lena.

“I was afraid.” Her old self admitted. “But after remembering that kiss, I couldn't stop the train of thoughts. And Lena… I couldn't stop thinking about Lena. And at that point I decided that I no longer want to lie to myself.”

And with that Kara’s thoughts – as if betraying her by the mention of the woman she had crossed time for – flooded her mind with possibilities of realities not presented to her before. Kissing Lena, holding her hand, holding her close, sleeping by her side, waking up to her every morning.

It dawned on her how much she wanted that, how much she wanted to have that with Lena.

“What made you stop… being afraid?” Kara asked in a small voice.

“You.” Her old self said, much to Kara's surprise.

“Me?”

“Yes. The way you spoke about Lena, about how important she was to you, I figure– well – I figured you knew more than me about our relationship and you just couldn't say it.”

“That makes sense.” She had agreed. Looking at it from the side, she could see how she may have thought that. She briefly wondered if she would've done the same only to realise she clearly already did.

“You told her?” Kara asked, only now realising she never asked.

“Yes. I told her everything. Our secret and how I felt.”

“And she felt the same?” Kara couldn't help but ask.

“Was it not obvious?” Her old self chuckled lightly.

“Is she a good kisser?” Kara found herself wondering.

“Yes.” Her old self’s cheeks grew a rosy red and her smile grew despite her struggles to contain it. “So what now?” Her old self asked.

“Now,” Kara got up from the couch and placed down her tea mug on the table. “Now, you go and live your best life, and make sure it's a good one because I'm counting on it.”

“And you?”

“I'll make sure we are safe.” She gave her a small smile. “Thank you.”

“Thank you.” Her old self smiled at her in return. “And safe travel.”

Kara gave her a small nod and flew away, back to the cold air of the night.

“Mxy.” Kara called out, summoning the imp to her side.

“Giving up?” He popped out to her left as if moving from behind her.

“No. I want to move in time to see if there are any threats down the line now that Lena knows the truth.”

“And you're… okay with this time?” He searched her eyes intently.

“Yes.” She said decisively.

Mxy chewed on his lip in contemplation. “And you're sure?”

“Yes.” She repeated.

“Okay, okay.” He sighed. “If you're ready.”

He clicked his fingers before she had time to replay again.

They appeared in the sky again above the city, only this time it was day time.

“Alien invasion.” He said and waved his hands around them to the streaming alien ships around them.

“The Daxamites?” She recalled.

“Yes! They will kill Lena this time.” He said casually.

Kara wasted no time and flew in to protect her. This time she got to fight the Daxamites head on, punching and kicking anyone who dared to get close to Lena. Kara stayed around until the threat was neutralised completely and flew back up to summon Mxy again.

She was then thrusted into a gang showdown with alien weapons, to defending Lena and Alex from her red kryptonite affected self, to a new operation orchestrated by Lex, to less intimidating foes like wayward assassination plots, rogue aliens and small-time villains.

Despite the overflowing consecutive fights she endured, it was sweet to see glimpses of the new life she had created. Her new photos with Lena, Lena moving in and later on both of them moving out to a more secure location. A proposal. A marriage.

“A T-rex was revived and will eat everyone you love.” Mxy said idly once they made another jump forward in time, gesturing to an area of town where smoke followed a towering giant lizard looking monster.

“A T-rex?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes.”

“Shouldn't a dinosaur have feathers?” Kara asked as the lizard monster raised its head to roar loudly.

“Are you gonna save your friends or not?”

“Right, right.” She nodded and flew in.

Kara saved the crowd with ease while her other self defeated the monster, returning to Mxy not even ten minutes later.

“What next?” Kara asked. She was tired. Very tired if she was honest with herself, but seeing this new future unfold was worth it. This was the future she would fight tooth and nail for.

He studied her longer than usual before closing his eyes. It looked like he was deeper in thoughts than just studying the future. “You're done.” He sighed.

“Done?”

“Yup. You saved the day. Congratulations.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” He clapped his hand in a more sarcastic manner than a celebratory one. “You've done it. Good on you.”

“Great! Then take me back.” This news invigorated her and filled her with so much excitement it was hard to contain herself. She couldn't wait to see her new house, to share her life with Lena and see what else the future had in store for her.

Mxy hesitated, but reluctantly snapped his fingers again.

Her height was the first thing she noticed, Kara didn't appreciate the average height of an adult being until that very moment. Kids were way too small.

She looked at her hands, checking she had the right proportions just to make sure, and raised her head to the window to study her reflection, confirming she was back to normal.

Kara happily flopped on her couch, finally getting a moment to relax after the fighting marathon she survived. It took her longer to realise something was wrong. She got up quickly and looked around.

“No.” She said, “No, no, no, no!” Her words became louder with each one she spoke. “Mxy, this is wrong!” She shouted.

“Can you be more specific?”

“This is my apartment!”

“Yes?”

“This is my apartment the way it was before the change!” Kara explained.

“Mmm.” He hummed in agreement, remaining calm despite Kara's growing fury.

“I saw that! I was in a new place with Lena! We are together! We are–” She looked around her home, studied her phone, perhaps it carried some proof of her relationship with Lena.

No.

They were the same unanswered texts she sent before the change. Before she fixed reality for her.

Kara fell to the floor. Tears blurred her visions as small sobs managed to escape her lips despite her protests. That couldn't be it. That couldn't be it. She changed reality! She saved them all! She made sure of it!

“You know.” Mxy spoke, reminding her of his presence in the room. “When I gave you a wish I didn't realise you planned on really changing the past.”

“What –"She swallowed a sob and wiped out some of her tears. “What do you mean?”

“I thought maybe you wanted money, fame, maybe a pony! But changing the past…”

She clenched her fist tightly and in one fell swoop, grabbed the front of Mxy's shirt, anger and fury quickly replacing the sorrow she felt only seconds ago.

“What. Do. You. Mean?” She emphasised every word. She wouldn't be surprised if her eyes were glowing bright red.

“You can still ask for a pony if you want! I can get one for you real quick.” He squeaked out. Unsatisfied with his answer she pressed him to the wall only for him to disappear with a flick of his fingers and reappear behind her, sitting calmly on her table. “You really ought to work on your manners.”

“Mxy why is the world not fixed?!” She demanded.

“The world is never fixed! There will always be shortcomings and problems plaguing it at every turn.” He continued defensively, but behind his words, Kara realised what he refused to say out loud.

“You can't change the past.” It was not a question. The realisation felt like ice spreading through her veins, cold and unsettling.

“I'm afraid that may have been slightly beyond my capabilities.” He finally admitted. “But as I said the pony offer is still very much on the table!”

“If you can't change the past, what was all of that about?! The attempts, the realities –”

“Illusions.” He corrected but Kara didn't care.

“What was it all about? Why didn't you just admit it?”

“Well, it was certainly entertaining.” He said with a shrug, but seeing her flaring gaze move towards him urged him to continue. “I hoped that if you see that there is no other good path for you to choose from, you will just… accept reality as it was.” He waved his hands at the room around them.

“So it was fake? All of it?” Kara had to grasp at a nearby chair. It was suddenly getting harder to breathe.

“It was based on what could've happened – all based on past events and your psychy, but essentially yes. It was like a very vivid dream if you would like.”

“No! That's not what I've… no!”

“I mean, it seems like you have learned a lot through the experience! You learned more about yourself!”

“But that wasn't real, was it?” She asked, still gripping at her realisation.

“You're the one who said that you no longer want to lie to yourself, so you tell me.” He shrugged and Kara felt as if her world was crumbling around her. “Or was it the other you? I can't keep track.” He mumbled.

“Leave.” She commanded him, her tone low and heavy.

“Are you sure? I can still –”

“Leave!” She repeated louder this time and the imp disappeared without a trace.

Kara paced around her apartment. This place had always filled her with warmth and comfort, now it felt cold and strange. She yearned for the other reality so badly she wanted to scream uncontrollably and burn her place to the ground. But that wouldn't change anything. Apparently nothing could.

She felt helpless and so emotionally and physically drained. She needed answers but had no clue where to even start to get them. It was an instinctive choice to fly over to Alex, she wasn’t even sure why.

Kara stopped before her building and decided to walk up and knock on her door. Alex invited her in and Kara was glad to learn Kelly was not there at the moment.

“Hey, what's up?” Alex asked after giving her a brief hug.

“I just…” Kara was looking for the words but nothing came out. “It’s my fault.” she finally said, her voice barely stronger than a whisper.

“What?” Alex looked genuinely confused.

“It's my fault.” Kara broke down, no longer managing to keep herself composed in any way. She fell into her sister's open arms, tears streaming down her face.

“Hey, hey, Kara, what's wrong? What happened?” Alex asked as she guided her inside.

Kara tried to answer but she couldn’t form words beyond her sobs.

“Was it Mxy? Did he do something? He promised he came to help but I swear if he did –”

“No.” Kara managed to say. “I messed up Alex. I messed up so badly.”

“Come on, let's get you a drink and you can tell me all about it.”

It reminded her of the conversation she had only recently with her other self back at the other reality – or illusion or whatever it was. The scolding tea mug warmed her hands and she felt more composed after going through several tissue boxes and a few sips of tea.

“I'm not normal, Alex.” Kara finally said.

“You mean the fact that you're an alien?” Her sister chuckled lightly.

“No. Well, not only that. I'm weird.” She took a sip of her tea and let it calm her senses and give her the courage to come out. About everything. “I don't like small talk about the weather, and pretending to order healthy food, and following fashion trends to not stand out, or trying to keep everything bottled up inside me, or use the correct body language all the time, and keep up appearances.” Kara was out of breath by the end of it and somehow felt even more drained than before.

Alex nodded and took a long sip of her tea before she spoke. “You do realise you do none of those things, right?”

“What?” That was not the response she was anticipating.

“You never order anything remotely healthy to eat, you overshare before a conversation even gets started, you never – and I mean it in the best possible way – never dress in any trend that ever was, you always express yourself with your whole body and you are always yourself to a fault.”

Kara wasn't sure how the words made her feel so exposed, but she felt naked and small all of a sudden. “What? No, I–” her defensive approach was an instinct more than a conscious decision, but the rest of it died on her lips.

“Kara, let me finish.” Alex interjected. “That is not a bad thing! You are you. You know who you are and what you like and that's a great thing.”

“I don't think that it's true at all.” Kara shook her head.

“What do you mean? When did you need to pretend otherwise?” Alex’s concern was so genuine it brought tears to her eyes yet again.

“All the time! I need to pass as human! To be normal! I can't afford being different! I can't be anything other than average or stand out!”

“Kara what is it about?” Alex asked, her voice softer as she studied her.

For a brief moment she contemplated lying again and running off, but she did want to come clean, be truthful to herself like her other self dared to be. “I’m in love with Lena.”

“Oh,” Alex said. “I see.”

“You do?”

“Yes,” Alex chuckled lightly and moved to sit beside her, giving her a side hug on the couch. “Coming out is hard. It was so much harder than I thought it would be. I remember this part.”

“What part?”

“The one where you feel like your entire life has been built on lies? Like every part of your personality is fake and you are not sure what being yourself even means?”

“Yeah, that.” It was amazing just how precise Alex's words landed on her. “So it's a universal thing?” There was both relief and horror in that statement.

“I'm afraid so. Maybe it's a Danvers sisters exclusive, but I highly doubt that.”

“But what do I do Alex? I messed up so badly! I lied to her for so long and I lashed out on her! I was so terrible, Alex!”

“You…” whatever Alex was about to say died on her lips. Her expression changed to something softer and somber. “We all made mistakes and it was not all on you. I’m sorry for the way I told you to handle the situation with Lena, but we can’t change the past.”

Kara snorted at the phrase. Oh, she knew that part all too well.

“I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but you made amazing progress today and I'm proud of you. Whether Lena and you can go back to the way things used to be, or become anything more, I really don't know, but I know you will be amazing and find your happiness. Wherever it may be. With or without Lena.”

“I can’t live without her.” That was the one truth she knew for certain.

Alex pulled her in closer and held her tight. “You can go and talk to her, but just know that no matter what happens, even if things don’t turn out great with Lena, they will turn up great eventually.”

Kara decided to repress the second part of Alex’s speech. “Okay.” She said, getting up abruptly with renewed determination. “I’ll go talk to Lena.”

“Wait, now? Kara, you look exhausted, don’t you want to sleep on it first and come to it more prepared?”

“No, I won’t be able to sleep unless I talk to her.” Not to mention making plans didn't really work out great for her recently.

“Kara, I really don’t think that's smart right now.”

“I have to do it, Alex!”

“I agree, but don’t you think you would be able to come a lot clearer to the conversation after a good night of sleep?”

“No!” Kara insisted.

“Okay, okay. I said my piece I guess.” Alex sighed at Kara’s relentlessness.

“Thank you Alex, really.”

“Of course. No matter what happens you are always my kid sister.”

“I’m not a kid.” she retorted all too quickly before she even realised it.

“Alright, superbaby, whatever you say.”

“That’s – !” Kara decided it was better not to say anything more and bid her sister goodnight before leaving for Lena’s.

— — —

Kara stopped just above Lena’s penthouse and landed back on the pavement below. She decided to approach her on even grounds. She waved at Samuel, the guard at the entrance of the building and punched the code for Lena’s floor. She stood in front of her door longer than necessary, contemplating about bolting several more times before she dared to knock.

Lena didn’t immediately answer the door, but when she did, it wasn’t open wide to invite her in like usual, but a thin crack showing mostly her severe expression.

“What are you doing here?” Lena asked coldly. Her eyes looked dark and sunken, which told her Lena was probably not sleeping much.

“Can we talk?” Kara asked.

“Should I be honored that you knocked like a normal person instead of invading through my window?” Lena didn’t move to let her in, her gaze studying her closely and Kara could faintly smell the lingering scent of scotch from her mouth.

“Please, Lena, can we talk?”

Lena studied her a moment longer before finally opening up her door and stepping inside. She didn’t gesture for her to come in, but simply walked inside leaving the door wide open. Kara took it as the closest thing to an invite she would get and closed the door behind her.

Kara shifted in place, unsure if to move further inside, or stay by the door. Lena walked to her standing bar with no indication they were about to sit down.

“You wanted to talk, so talk.” Lena said sharply as she poured herself another glass.

“I made a mistake,” Kara started and Lena let out a dark chuckle in response. “I told you I realised too late that by keeping my secret I was hurting you and how sorry I was, well, am – I’m still very sorry – but today I had a chance to change that, or at least I thought I did.” She swallowed hard. Not even ten seconds into the conversation and here she was already lost in her own words. “I was visited by a fifth dimensional imp I had a history with – long story,” She added at Lena’s confused look. “But he offered me a wish as a way to repent for his past actions against me, and I asked to change the past so I could tell you my secret earlier.”

Lena raised a brow at her and looked around at their unchanged reality.

“I tried again and again. I spent the past few hours reliving weeks of attempts of me trying to tell you the truth at different times, but at the end something always went wrong and you, me or everyone we love ended up dead because of it.”

“How about not meeting at all? Sounds like it would solve everything.” Lena said grimly and took a sip of her drink.

“I tried that too. It was probably the worst one there.”

“What’s your point?” Lena slammed her glass on the table.

“I’m getting there. I then tried a different approach and spent weeks living alongside our past selves to make sure nothing bad would happen. It was the best attempt yet. It took me what felt like months really, but I made sure this time was safe.”

Lena once again gestured to the space around them before sipping from her drink again. Kara debated if to reveal the information about their relationship but thought better of it.

“When I returned, Mxy – the imp – finally told me that none of that was real. It was all some sort of highly calculated probability simulation and that the past cannot be changed. And… Well, I think I get it now. The past cannot be changed, our mistakes are our own and we have to live with the consequences. Even if I could change the past it would be unfair to you and the pain I have caused you, pain I will forever be sorry and ashamed about. So if the past was carved into stones, but the future is yet to be written…” She trailed off, unsure how to say what she wanted to say. “All of that is to say that,” Kara took a deep breath. “All of it is to say how sorry I am. I see the pain I caused you and it was my doing and if you let me I will spend a lifetime to repent, but I can’t give up on you Lena.”

Kara paused to see how Lena reacted, but her face gave up nothing, she only tightened her hold on her glass but didn’t move or take another sip. Kara was surprised to learn she still had tears left in her to shed, but she wiped them off as quickly as they arrived and wished them to stop.

“Lena, you are the most amazing, kind, beautiful soul I have ever met and I don’t want to live my life without you in it. I promise to tell you everything you want to know, to never withhold anything or do anything behind your back. I realise how horrible I've been, how unfair I have acted. I know I can’t take it back. I can never take it back no matter how much I wish I could. So know that this is a fact that will follow me forever, and I vow to never hurt you, or anyone else like that again. But I also can’t live with myself if I won’t try to fight to keep you in my life, because you're worth everything.”

Lena was still, frozen in place as she stared at Kara. The moment stretched longer making every second feel like eternal torture.

“Say something.” Kara said weakly. She felt as if her entire form was about to break into pieces and she was hanging on by a thread.

Lena didn't immediately respond. Her eyes found Kara’s and there was something dark in the way she was eyeing her. She mumbled something under her breath but it was so low even her superhearing couldn't pick up on it.

“What?” Kara asked.

“Leave.” Lena said clearly this time, her tone low and raw.

“But, um…” Kara wasn’t sure what to do. She only just poured her heart out. She was expecting to be shouted at, a conversation, anything really. She wasn't expecting to be forgiven by any means, but that was… abrupt.

“Leave.” Lena repeated, louder this time.

“I will, I promise, but just know that I–”

“Leave!” The command was accompanied by a violent thud of Lena’s no doubt very expensive scotch glass that collided with Kara’s body and shattered into pieces, leaving Kara with a large scotch stain and shattered glass all around her.

“Okay.” Kara said mostly to herself. “Okay.” She repeated and flew out of the open window failing to hold up tears.