Im Back Bitches @thetanzaniteknight - Tumblr Blog

These two crack me up every time! I don't know what kind of training even goes into being a news anchor but I feel like the bulk of it is nailing the 'anchor voice' 😂😂😂

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postoctobrist

Why did English keep the German ‘stark’ as an intensifier but only for ‘naked’ and ‘raving mad’

jethroq

two most German modes of being

civvic

Fuck. Those fuckers at the store sold me No Purpose Flour again. What the fuck do I do with this

civvic

you laugh. my flour is bereft of purpose and you mock me. hell upon you, fool

ruinedchildhood

kaijuno

medb-like-grave

jan smit looking at jan smit looking at rocks

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funnytwittertweets

bamsara

I'm in TJ Max with full skull facepaint on cause I didn't feel like taking it off and a child is following me. Not saying anything just following me

paper-lilypie

apprentice acquired

thetanzaniteknight

I went to dollar tree once in my Halloween costume (slutty plague doctor- and yes, I did wear the full beaked mask into the store) that I had put on in the neighboring Spirit Halloween and didn’t want to take off because it had a corset (with, i shit you not, like fifty little clasps)

But instead of this happening an old man looked at me, wheezed, and clutched his chest like he thought he was about to have a legitimate heart attack- he had to balance himself on a cash register

dracofelin

it makes me so sad how new mobs are being added to minecraft dungeons

like more pets and animals, but i literally dont know anyone who plays this game

look how cute they are

we need these in vanilla minecraft

rapeculturerealities

brain-confetti

Absolutely nothing prepared me for the end

miraculouspaon

GBBO: “A s’more is basically just an Italian merengue sandwiched between two ganache-covered digestives”

Americans:

flange5

in case anyone in wondering, this is Paul Hollywood's idea of a s'more

lostinhistory

thisbibliomaniac

For the record, these ones should have won

ariminiria

rantsofabookworm

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Y’all gotta be kidding me with this “today” shit like…. What’s next?? Tomorrow??

#public school is weird and I got hit on by multiple creepy dudes today I want to go to bed and not wake up for a few days </3

cryptotheism

Doing a single downward dog pose on my first day of yoga class and the chakral realignment VIOLENTLY purges all toxins from my body in the form of a cloud of rancid pus that explodes from my pores. Namasty.

thebibliosphere

I was just flung violently back down the depths of dimly lit memory lane to when I used to do yoga (before we knew I had EDS).

I was switching between poses and my (unbeknownst to me) subluxated tailbone popped back into place, causing a chain reaction up the rest of my spine not unlike cracking a glow stick both in sound and visual effect as my vision whited out from pain and I was forced briefly to shake hands with the universe.

The woman on the mat next to me told me that was the "toxins" leaving my body and that's the second time I was evicted from a yoga lesson for inappropriate laughter.

#i also have Ehlers Danlos and the first time I did group yoga (I formerly only did contortion and at a cirque studio full of other weirdos)#i was doing a back stretch (cobra) and went into it like I usually do #I.e. fully bending myself in half backwards #and every single bone in my back popped #it felt GREAT #but the instructor lost her ✨zen✨ and went ARE YOU OKAY??!#she thought I’d like. broken my spine😅 oopsies

cowboydeanwinchester

is he … you know … open to interpretation?

cowboydeanwinchester

nobody on this webbed site can read

wormcoded

wizardjpeg

i know some naughty words that will really knock your socks off

punkrockpersephone

But I’m not wearing socks??

wizardjpeg

i know some caring words that will put socks on you

prince-luffy

I truly hate the word "unalive." There are so many other euphemisms that fictional Italian mobsters worked so hard to provide you with and you just ignore them.

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dullanyan

isopods are just little guys of the earth

the-tree-line

localairport

Sorry! We threw out your luggage because it was giving the airplane a tummy ache

boeing747

#i managed to bring like 20 fluid ounces of miso soup past airport security and to this day I’m not sure why they let it slide #it was the concentrated stuff because I was going to my grandmothers house and didn’t trust her to stock the fridge #considering she’s an 85yo white woman who asked me if putting salt and pepper on asparagus would make it too spicy #so I brought enough miso concentrate to last me a full week and I think maybe the airport took pity on me 💕

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