maddie's baddie space

Xochitl Ref Sheet For @wyrm-wuud

Official Monster Hunter Wilds artwork: Arkveld.

So I haven't had a window in my small room for about a year and its been making me and my cat a bit sick. So I was hoping to get commissions and such so I could afford to finally get it replaced. The plug in it is coming out and its becoming hard to manage without sunlight/natural light for us. We managed this cold winter due to me trying to wedge anything to keep it from coming out but the insolation is too expanded. I have a > Ko-Fi < for commissions. A CashApp for donations <3 ( $ZeonVibe )

My prediction just came true.

for my entire life, i've felt like i was an animal in a cage making the most of it. i internalized that i was created wrong or was handling myself wrong, that i needed to be controlled, and so many beliefs and ways of attempting to make myself comfortable in my spacesuit sprung from that understanding. i was isolated, and subconsciously padded my mind with magical thinking and dissociation to try to make myself happy despite it; eventually, a realization about my life situation 2 years ago punctured my suit, and i was utterly unprepared for the way it unmoored me. finding this interpretation of that breakdown process forced me to further reckon with how i'd existed until that point in my life - how i'd been stuck in a rhetorical cage that convinced me in a million ways that i didn't deserve to be myself, and was forced to try to be happy inside it by different experiences in my life. it was so painful to realize that i had something of a stockholm syndrome with my own mind; i'd known deep down that some of the comforting beliefs i held were simultaneously suppressing me. but i wasn't convinced that it was possible to have what i wanted in life without that suppression, and when i finally gained that understanding, it shattered my facade. i've been surviving of course - but i wanted to put visuals to that desperation, the realization that the loneliness and ignorance didn't make me safe or special after all; the way it felt like i was losing my lifeline in the void.

Beware of flying debris

I've picked up traditional art using watercolor this year and wanted to paint vaporeon! I had a lot of fun with this and it's been gratifying learning to paint and in general work traditionally after purely doing digital art the majority of my life.