I Will Follow You into the Dark

''we don’t have a child.'' ''we do now.'' [pulls kid out of the closet] ''here, meet my niece.''

there's really no reason for us to kiss this passionately, but we're at the stage in which feelings are starting to blur, and separating fake from real is proving to be an difficult

''should we sleep in the same bed?'' ''as long as you don't touch me.''

let's practice kissing, not because we're in love with each other or anything, just to make sure it looks authentic :)

''do i have to remind you we're not actually married?''

it's really not necessary for you to move into my apartment, yet here you are, and, you've thrown your stuff everywhere. seriously. why is half of my closet on my bed?

''hold my hand.'' ''absolutely not.'' ''hold. my. hand.'' ''i said no.'' ''they're looking at us.'' [immediately grabs the other's hand, adding a pretentious smile].

we had a pretty bad argument, which leads you to ''moving out,'' and now i'm sitting here on my couch, fiddling with my fake wedding ring, going over the past few weeks, and i'm starting to realize how much i loved your company

''WHY DON'T YOU LOCK THE BATHROOM DOOR'' ''I'M NOT USED TO SOMEONE LIVING WITH ME?'' [because i accidentally walked in on you showering]

“so tell me, how long have you two been dating?” [A zones out] [B kicks them under the table] A: ''what''

considering we're having sleepovers sometimes (god knows for what reason) i've started wearing some of your clothes (even going as far as bringing them home with me) and honestly, at this point i think we've both forgotten we're not actually dating

you’re going on a date with some other dude? do i have to remind you we’re married????

''you know, since --'' ''shut up.'' [offended glare]: ''no wonder no one wants to date you.''

look, i know this is fake and all, but the fact that you’re on a date with someone else is really making me jealous, and now i’m sitting here, in my apartment, watching bad television while eating KFC wishing you were Next to me

''you... don't know how to do your laundry?''

you crawl into bed next to me, and i can tell you're upset about something, but instead of telling me what's wrong, you ask me to hold you. it's the first time we cuddle, but it feels right

''YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO LOOK AT MY BABY PICTURES GIVE THAT PHOTO ALBUM BACK TO ME'' ''but it's from a time when you were actually likable 🥺''

my dog loves you i don't think i can kick you out yet

''do i have to remind you we're not actually married?'' ''no, but we could be.'' ''what?'' ''what''

calling your ''wife's'' mother by the wrong name, which leads to your ''wife's'' whole family staring at you in disbelief, so you try again: ''patricia…?'' you're wrong, again, and your ''wife'' sighs, uttering the loudest groan you've ever heard in your life

[A comes home one day]: ''what the hell did you do to my apartment?'' (B refurnished the whole living room)

''somebody disrespected you? let me just -- [cracks knuckles] ''i'll be right back.''

ok, we're in the 🤡privacy 🤡 of our own home, why are we kissing?

''it was never real to begin with.'' ''it was to me.''

you're leaving for work, and you kiss me goodbye, which i don't think was supposed to happen, because again, we're in the privacy of our own home, and... we're still not actually dating

the lines between what is fake and what is real is getting kinda blurry and i need to leave for a while to figure things out

you’re on a date, and i’m so in love with you, and i know i'm acting recklessly, and i really don't mean to show up at your date but i do so anyway, and your date leaves because i'm laying all cards on the table and this might well be a proposal speech and you're pissed at me and you storm out of the restaurant and i don't know what to do because you won't pick up your phone and i've called you a million times but that's because i need to apologize and make this right. i don't even care if you leave me or put up a restraining order i just want you to know that i'm sorry, seriously.

                 SHE HAD A WAY OF SEEING THE BEAUTY                   IN OTHERS, EVEN, AND PERHAPS MOST                          ESPECIALLY, WHEN THAT PERSON                          COULDN’T SEE IT IN THEMSELVES .