☁️Sweeping Storms☁️

A collection of dialogue prompts from the website textsfromlastnight. Feel free to edit quotes as necessary.

TW: Swearing, suggestive references, drug references, alcohol references.

"I just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "Dibs!"

I got kicked out of Barnes and Noble cause I put all the bibles in the fiction section"

"Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours…"

"What's a positive sounding word for "exploit"?

"I'm sorry...where I come from, learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage."

"I hate sounding clingy, but I just wanted to verify I wasn't an asshole in your mind"

"I don't know man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito."

"Don't worry about my dad. He just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking."

"Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved."

"Halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids?"

"How dare you. I don't know what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back."

"I know, visiting a hospital when you're drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time."

"Swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph"

"I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that."

"Why is there a porcupine in the kitchen?"

"Either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays"

"If you all get arrested I'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail."

"How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?"

"You left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. I see where your priorities are."

"Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship."

Who the hell tries to steal eggnog?"

"You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home KFC."

"If u were an X-Man, what would your power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs."

"I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast"

"Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out."

"If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure."

"Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?"

"I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels."

"Who is John, and why is his name carved into our toilet?"

"Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed."

"I might as well just sew it shut at this point."

"So did the night end well for you?"

"I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body"

"So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please."

"There is no way when we get home that nothing will happen."

"Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?"

"You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits."

"I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up"

"She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!"

"I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure."

"You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation."

"Ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. Please send help."

"Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you."

"This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?"

"Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine…but I'm saving that for a special girl…"

"Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?"

That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off."

"All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world."

"Where else am I to apply my creativity?"

"Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"

"You and I have very different definitions of fun."

"I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice."

"Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?"

"A-Anyway, it's brown. I dyed it after moving to Paldea, and I uh... don't want my friend to be annoying about it." A quick cough to change the conversation to something that truly confused her.

She had been to many different planets, so that would be interesting to see Teyvat's culinary progress as well.

"Hoo hoot! Little Stelle... Look up here! It appears that the time has finally come for you to start your adventure! You will encounter many hardships ahead... Like playing with your Legos one day and realizing it's not fun anymore. Coming to grips with the concept of time. Gradually losing the freedom which exists in knowing nothing. And learning that your friends are relative to where you are in life. Most friends only stay for a season, and usually because of your shared interests. But when you move on or your priorities change, so will a majority of your friends. That is your fate. Don't feel discouraged, even during the toughest times! One day you'll find out that you owe the IRS $3,000. Then realize you misread the letter and you actually owe $30,000. And you'll learn that Chipotle isn't nearly as healthy as you thought. Sure they list the calories, fat, carbs, cholesterol and the 0g of sugar on the menu but they omit the amount of sodium drenched in everything. A single burrito with carnitas, cilantro-lime rice, sour cream, roasted chili corn salsa and cheese will fill you up with almost a day's worth of sodium. Enjoy your high blood pressure, stroke, heart failure, osteoporosis, stomach cancer, kidney disease, kidney stones and headaches. Maybe this isn't that great of an alternative to McDonalds after all. Convenience isn't very healthy. You have to eat 3 times a day for the rest of your life. You should learn how to do it well. You'd be surprised to see how much better your life goes when you eat well. That is your fate."

"Don't feel discouraged, even during the toughest times! And learning that, despite all the government gorges out of you with taxes, they still waste billions of our hard earned dollars on programs like studying mountain lions on treadmills, injecting hamsters with steroids and making them fight, and studying beer koozies. Beer koozies. The thing that keeps your drink cold. The $1.3 million dollar study conducted by 2 bright University of Washington students was to determine if beer koozies work. It turns out they do work. Groundbreaking stuff. Then there's accidentally spending $28 million on green camouflage uniforms for the Afghan National Army. Afghanistan is 98 percent desert. They wasted $2 million attempting to increase trust between Tunisian political parties and citizens. $10,000,000 on 'green growth' in Peru. $2,120,040,355.35 attempting to turn and abandoned mental hospital into a Department of Homeland Security HQ. And don't even get me started on the billion dollar Medicare schemes. Centers for Medicare and Medicaid paid $48,000,000,000.00 in improper payments in Fiscal Year 2018. Since Medicare is such a big program, it opens up all sorts of possibilities for abuse. It's all in Dr. Rand Paul's Summer 2019 Edition of 'The Waste Report. Go straight this way and you will see Hyrule Castle. You will meet a princess there... If you are lost and don't know which way to go, look at the map. The areas you have explored will be shown on the map. A map is a diagrammatic representation of an area of land or sea showing physical features, cities, roads, etc. The word "map" can also be used to talk about a chart or drawing that shows relationships between ideas, people, events, or anything else you can think about. Press START to enter the subscreens and Z or R to find the map. On the map subscreen, you will also see a flashing dot showing you which way to go next."