fi

stumbling down the street, a frustrated sigh left her lips. drunk? probably. been out all night? absolutely. after a short walk, her bum met the curb on the side of the road. she tucked her knees up to her chest, one arm wrapping around her bare legs whilst the other hazily rummaged through her bag, trying to find her phone.

with an exhale, she was rather incapable of typing in her phone passcode. her vision was blurry from the amount of alcohol consumed, body swaying and unbalanced. when she finally did it, she brought the device up to her ear and it rang, and rang, and rang. no answer, typical.

declining the call before it went to the answer machine, she selected the contact again and decided to try one more time. only for it to ring over and over again and she was this time met with the answering machine. "for fuck sakes," she muttered to herself, "he promised to pick me up."

she huffed and grumbled, deciding to message the contact a few times, 'where are you?', 'you said you'd pick me up'. but at this rate, at this hour, she would probably have no luck. he was always awake at this time though, so what was he doing?

she remained in that spot for a while longer, attempting to sober herself up and breathing in the fresh air, deep breaths through her nose and out from her mouth.

"y/n!" a voice yelled from behind her, a very recognisable one at that, "y/n, is that you?"

she span around, glancing around the area surrounding her, before she tilted her chin up. the figure was tall, face lit up perfectly beneath the street lamp and hair just as fluffy as it always was. her eyes widened at the sight, he was one of the last people she expected to see tonight.

he gazed down at her, instantly rushing towards her. she wore a short dress, legs exposed with goosebumps dancing along them, only a small jacket wrapped around her shoulders to shield her away from the breeze. her makeup looked worn, eyes bloodshot and drunk.

"what are you doing on the side of the road at this time?" he questioned.

"w - wilbur, hi." was all she could say, grinning up at him.

"have you been out drinking?" asked wilbur, this time only receiving a nod of her head in response, "so, why are you still out?"

"i'm waiting to be picked up." y/n offered a small smile before looking down at her phone again. no notifications.

"oh." was all he could say, pulling his phone from his back pocket to check the time, "it's quarter past three, y/n. how long will you be waiting for?"

shrugging her shoulders, she stared at the road in front of her, chin resting on her knees. even in her drunk state, she did not have the confidence to tell him that she might not be receiving a lift home after all. and wilbur would never allow her to walk home alone, or even get a taxi by herself after one too many drinks.

his long legs were suddenly beside her, knees bending and suddenly their bodies were much closer. wilbur could not allow her to wait any longer on the side of the road alone. the least he could do was wait the extra five minutes to make sure she was safe. but little did he know they could be sat there for hours. all she wanted was a phone call back.

"why are you out at this time?" muttered y/n, not even turning to look at the brown-eyed guy beside her. she knew his face all too well, it was one of the last things she wanted to scan the details of whilst drunk. it could only lead to mistakes.

"oh, you know me." laughed wilbur lightly, "i couldn't sleep so i decided to go to my office and stream for a bit. i'm just going home now."

giggling softly at his response, she finally turned to softly smile at him, "did you have a good stream?"

oh, how wilbur missed those words falling from her lips. it was a question he had heard her say one too many times, but one that always pleased him. because she always cared, always wanted to know.

"yeah," he nodded, "it was really good." stretching his legs out into the road, he let out a tired sigh. thankfully, traffic was none existent and it was weirdly serene considering the situation the two had found themselves in. wilbur passed a half empty bottle of water, placing it between her fingertips, "here, have this."

"thank you." an appreciative smile grew upon her lips as she unscrewed the lid, taking a large gulp of the water which almost left her breathless.

"so," he began, swallowing harshly around his tongue before asking a question he may regret, "who's picking you up?"

"oh, erm -" she inhaled deeply and spoke quietly, "brad. just someone who i've been seeing."

"oh right, okay."

wilbur had already predicted her answer to his question before even asking it. he had no idea why he even did it, because the name only made his heart drop to his stomach and breathing turn much more chaotic. of course wilbur already knew who brad was having been told from a mutual friend that y/n was seeing someone. but hearing it from y/n herself hit him much harder than he was expecting.

y/n placed the bottle on the pavement in the small gap between their thighs, "how've you been, anyways? we haven't really spoke since -"

"yeah," wilbur quickly nodded his head, "yeah i've been okay. how about you?"

wilbur soot; the guy who always loves to tell a small lie now and again had just told the biggest lie he had made in a while. he had been far from okay, clearly much worse than y/n must have been as she managed to move on.

"i've been good." sighed y/n. but honestly, she was far from sure. the question had her mind laced with uncertainty having landed herself with a dickhead of a new guy and now she was drunk, emotions running high and sat beside wilbur after months of refusing to even walk by his house and instead walking the long way to work.

he must be the one, thought wilbur. as much as wilbur could criticise brad in his own mind or to his close friends, he knew that it was none of his business anymore. if y/n's happy, so was he - even if brad had a shit haircut, eyes dark with something strange about them and overall looked like a prick, he was convinced brad treated y/n well.

"good, i'm glad." exhaled the brunette, "how's work been going?"

"it's going really well, thanks. i got promoted the other week, actually."

"wow." wilbur's eyebrows raised in amazement, a proud smile growing, "well done. i'm really proud of you."

this small talk was killing them. as much as wilbur wanted to escape it, but also still be in her presence, y/n knew this could potentially be lasting for the rest of the night. it felt awkward between the two, when there was once a time neither of them would ever shut up, blurting out weird jokes or strange facts they had just found out.

"i'm surprised you didn't tell me to fuck off or go away when you saw me."

y/n's head tilted, face contoured into a confused expression as she stared at him, "why would i have done that?"

"well, i broke up with you."

one of the biggest mistakes he had made in his life; breaking up with y/n. he thought he was too busy for her desires to be fulfilled, he felt as though he never made enough time for her because of their workload's crashing, he was convinced that y/n was slowly falling out of love. however, she never minded. she understood he had an audience to please, that he was living his dream of creating music with his band and that some weeks they spent less time together than others. she simply convinced herself to move on quickly, so that she could get over him easily. but oh, was she wrong.

shrugging her shoulders, y/n's eyes averted down at the tarmac on the road at her feet, "it's fine. i understand why it happened. i'm not going to be toxic or petty about it."

"but you know i'm sorry, don't you?"

"mhm." her bottom lip was held between her teeth, "i know."

this moment had wilbur nearly in tears. it was unexplainable. his emotions were all over the place, finally seeing her after these last few months of pain, heartbreak and extreme regret. his days had never felt so lonely, he had lost complete inspiration to do anything as she was the key to that without realising, all he wanted to do was lay in bed and feel sorry for himself which only resulted in tommy constantly calling him to cheer him up.

"y/n, it's been thirty minutes. it's three forty five." brows furrowed, wilbur looked down at his phone, "are you sure he's coming?"

y/n unlocked her phone, initially going to call him, but went to her messages with brad instead. read. she had been completely ignored by him, and he was probably in bed with another girl.

"i - i don't think so."

prick, wilbur thought to himself. how dare he leave her out on her own, drunk and left with the broken promise that he was going to pick her up and now he left her on read. even wilbur knew he treated her better than brad, who he once thought was a nice guy had now turned into a massive dickhead in minutes. because if wilbur had not found her sat on the street, alone, what could have happened?

"you want me to walk you home? or get you an uber?"

"no, no." she shook her head, "it's okay. thank you though."

"y/n." wilbur cocked his head, brows raised. she knew exactly what he was going to say, "i'm not letting you go home alone, so let me do something."

taking a long deep breath in, she nodded and caved in, "fine, we'll walk."

"you sure?"

"mhm."

wilbur stood up from the curb first, before reaching his hand out to y/n. she took his hand in hers, pulling herself up. her skin was soft against his, the simple touch and act of affection managed to bring back so many memories.

she brushed down any gravel and dirt from the back of her dress, before folding her arms across her chest, "it's cold."

"here." wilbur swiftly pulled at the collar of his sweatshirt. she had never seen someone move so fast, everything was done in one quick movement, "wear this."

y/n instantly threw her hands up in refusal, "don't be stupid, it's fine."

"it's okay. i'll be fine with this shirt on." he stroked down the material of his long sleeved, collared shirt, making it appear neater.

"are you sure?"

"yes!" exclaimed wilbur with a small laugh, "pass me your jacket and put it on."

with a slight stumble, y/n stabled herself before tugging her jacket from her body which wilbur instantly took from her and passed her the already warm sweatshirt. slipping it over herself, it was oversized as always, reaching down to her mid thighs. remnants of his aftershave still remained, it was comfortable and reminded her of much better days.

"here." wilbur's hand slowly reached out to hers. he was timid, uncertain as to whether this act was okay. all he wanted to do was make sure she was safe, to make sure she did not fall over her own two feet.

but once she noticed his fingers grazing delicately along her hand, she instantly intertwined his with her own. there was a tight grip, leading her in a direction he had not walked in a long while, but he still remembered every step and crack in the pavement.

the walk to her home was completely silent. every exposed part of her skin was cold to touch from the tip of her nose to the goosebumps trailing along her legs. however, it was his sweatshirt and the feeling of his thumb lightly stroking the top of her hand which prevented her from shivering.

upon reaching her doorstep, wilbur stopped in his tracks. he took everything in. how had he landed himself in this situation? in front of a house he recognised so well, but one he had not stepped foot in for months. he wondered how she had changed it, had she redecorated since he was last there? hopefully she had her heating fixed. had she completely changed her kitchen like she was dying to do? he remembered her plans to do that, the exact colour scheme and everything. he had so many questions.

but instead, he simply walked her to her door and swallowed harshly whilst she dug around her bag for her keys. turning around, her forehead laid against the door and she placed the key into the lock. everything about this situation was so bizarre. should she ask him to come in? offer him a drink or a snack? how do you treat your exes?

"oh, wait. let me give you this back." y/n stopped turning the key in the door, peeling his sweatshirt away from her body which only left her shivering from the cold.

"oh yeah, i forgot." laughed wilbur awkwardly. he was so used to seeing y/n wearing his clothes when they were together, that seeing her nearly walk into her house clad in his sweatshirt did not phase him at all.

taking the dark material from her fingertips, wilbur tugged the sweatshirt over his body. it was already intoxicating. the scent of her perfume had rubbed off on the inside of his sweatshirt, the scent, though faint, was so addictive. it allowed him to think of happier times, especially knowing how much she would drown herself in that perfume on their date nights. oh, how he wished that only he could experience that for himself. but now her perfume rubbed off on others too.

but wilbur could have sworn that when they broke up, he could smell that sweet scent everywhere. who knew someone's scent could have such an effect on someone? it was constantly under his nose, only making it harder to move on - which he completely failed to do anyways.

"thank you for, uh - walking me home." she forced a smile as she gazed up at him, only ready for her tears to fall once she landed in her bed. tonight had been a mixture of emotions, for them both. but y/n was only left in a confusing situation, still clung onto the feelings towards her ex boyfriend whilst knowing brad will ring her in a few hours, blurting out a stream of apologies and lies about where he had been or why he had not replied.

"don't need to thank me." he awkwardly brought his fingertips to his hair, ruffling through it, "i'm just glad i saw you so i could walk you home."

she had no idea what made her do what she was about to do next. it was possibly the mixture of alcohol with her emotions running high. but she stepped forwards, wrapping both arms tightly around wilbur's body. it was an unexplainable action, one that was sure to leave her full of regret when she goes to bed and it's empty.

wilbur's breath hitched in his throat, heartbeat racing which he was certain y/n would be able to hear. but both of his arms draped around her body, one hand delicately rubbing small circles on her back. without realising, or thinking about his actions beforehand, he placed a soft kiss to the top of her head.

it felt as though they stood in one another's embrace for an eternity - it was only around a minute. but as they both pulled away, they sucked in deep breaths as their eyes locked. feelings were all over the place, but what they did not realise was that it was a mutual i love you.

y/n could barely string a sentence together, and she had sobered up by this point too, "m - maybe i'll, uh - see you around."

dream's head was thrown against the steering wheel, tears falling from his cheeks and down onto his grey sweatpants. he was completely consumed with guilt, whilst she sat beside him, head resting against the window, sobs falling from her lips.

how had they even found themselves in this mess?

it was expected. the last few weeks they had been driving one another around the bend, sending each other crazy. it all started when he began ignoring her. clay was distant, running out of way's to show love and affection. a lack of cuddles and kisses, never asking her to stay over, barely messaging her to simply ask what she had eaten that day. it was suspicious, actually.

they began to fall apart when they were least expecting it. only a week before were they planning a weekend away, somewhere for them both to relax. he needed distance from the internet, she needed it from college. then he suddenly began to fade into the distance.

y/n was convinced she would marry him. he thought he was the one. dream was the guy that all of the girls dream of, charming, handsome; the typical 'ladies man'. every part of their future was planned out in her head, how many children they would have, where they would have their wedding, even the tweet clay would type to announce a pregnancy. it was picture perfect in her mind.

and although this was the downfall of their relationship and he was to blame, there was no doubt clay did not feel the same way either. she was perfect by every means. even he saw a future with her... saw. but something inside him had changed, something he believed to be out of his control.

the little things began to wind her up. he was spending far too much time in his office, yet he was not streaming or making videos? little did she know he was simply hiding away from her, consumed with anger towards himself. it was as though he never wanted to spend time with her anymore. never called, never texted, his daily 'good morning' texts (which were sometimes in the afternoon) became non-existent.

she noticed far too quickly. she had to question why, only for her to be ignored. his excuse? 'sorry, baby, i'm just busy at the moment'. bullshit, clay, she thought. but she never said it, because how dare she question his sudden 'busy' lifestyle when she thought he was always busy anyways. but never this busy.

there had been a permanent pit in her stomach, she knew something was wrong. at first, she blamed herself. had she done something wrong? said something that hurt him and not realised? but no. this was dream's problem for not explaining to her what had been going on. question after question spilling from her lips, only to be hit back with the same, pathetic excuse. that was when she knew.

y/n was saying goodbye to her relationship without even noticing it. he had completely fallen through her fingertips, she could no longer catch him. it was as though he was completely limp, not even attempting to try and stand up and save what was going on.

why?

because he messed up, big time. dream, precious dream, the faceless streamer all the fans cherished and adored. the guy they thought was so caring, so loving, would do anything for anyone. the one who donated his friends thousands of dollars at christmas, the one who told everyone he loved them. where was that for y/n?

so, with her legs swinging beneath his dining chair, she asked if they could go for a drive, the silence awfully loud and her voice echoed throughout the house. patches was constantly at y/n's feet or lap, as though the cat could clearly sense something. maybe she knew it was the last time y/n would see her fluffy tail curling against y/n's calves, soothing the ache running through her body.

before she appeared at his house (as she did every tuesday night), she had a gut instinct. this was going to be the end. the last time she knocked on his door, the last time she would step foot in there, the last time he would greet her with a bleak smile which was once the cheesiest grin in the world.

"uh - yeah." dream scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, unable to even look at y/n, "we can go for a drive."

with a sigh, she nodded. she noticed his refusal to even look at her, was she no longer attractive towards him, was that it? that suddenly clay found y/n 'ugly' or not to his taste anymore and that he had fallen out of love? because what else could it have been? clay labelled y/n as the 'love of my life', now what was she? probably just a girl he got bored of after a while.

running her hands delicately along patches fur, she leant down to press a soft kiss to the top of her head. the cat purred at the feeling, turning her head to run the side of her face along y/n's cheek, "bye, bye kitty." hummed y/n.

"come on." clay let out a shaky breath, anxiously spinning his car keys between his fingers before popping his head into the living room, "i'll be back soon, sap."

copying the blonde's actions, y/n peered into the living room and offered sapnap a soft smile. however, his entire body language changed at the sight of her. tense, almost, "bye, sapnap."

this was another one who's behaviour had turned awfully strange around y/n. he was only able to mumble hello's and goodbye's, sometimes asking how she was or how her classes had been. he definitely knew something that she did not, leading him to feel awkward in her presence. someone who once kept her company whilst clay went to pick up food, or would often play games alongside her and clay, had also faded into the distance.

the younger boy cleared his throat with a forced smile, throwing his hand up to awkwardly wave, "yeah, see you, y/n."

she only nodded in response and hung her head low, following clay's lead out of the front door. it was dark outside, a light breeze passing by the couple as they reached his car. slipping into the passenger seat, y/n's fingers danced along the smooth leather one last time.

"you alright?" asked dream, starting up the car.

"mhm." she simply nodded, pulling her seatbelt over her body, "are you?"

"yeah." his reply was blunt whilst he performed the same action, tugging the seatbelt across his body except much more slowly. maybe because he knew what was coming; he just needed these last moments with her for as long as possible and savour them.

dream drove. he had no idea where he was going, neither did y/n, she simply sat back and watched the road ahead of her. once again, it was completely silent between the two, apart from the radio humming between them. within the last few weeks, silence had made a pretty permanent place around them. it never used to be like that. they were once full of laughs and giggles, full of weird noises and expressions, constantly had something to chatter on and on about for hours on end. now that was suppressed.

y/n laid her head against the window. the vibrations were weirdly soothing, enough to take her away from the anxiety towards this whole situation. who she once thought was the love of her life had suddenly turned so cold and uninterested.

pulling into a more or less empty car park, dream swallowed harshly around his tongue. y/n took a quick glance around where they were - it was recognisable, but she could not remember why. her eyes scanned the buildings surrounding them, even looking behind them both to see if she could remember anything.

and that was when a small smirk grew upon her lips, the lips that once appeared so sad five minutes ago. of course he brought them both here, to a car park they had sex in at the start of their relationship. what was he trying to do? think about the good times before it all falls apart?

"you remember this place?" asked dream, who finally turned to actually look at her.

"yeah," sighed y/n, "i do."

"yeah." nodding slowly, he inhaled deeply, "that was a good night."

y/n could not take it anymore. why was he acting so fake? as though everything was okay, when the last few weeks he had barely acknowledged her existence or he was incapable of showing her any form of affection.

"it's just not working anymore, is it clay?" she blurted out.

"i - i don't know."

"you've been acting so cold with me recently."

"you've turned cold with me too." of course he managed to switch it on her.

"because you began behaving weirdly with me, clay? why are you turning this on me all of a sudden? you act like you barely know me." she somehow managed to hold back her tears that were urging to fall, she needed to act strong. just a few minutes longer.

"i - i know." gulped dream, "i'm sorry, y/n. i guess it's not working out anymore."

"but why?" her tone was calm, maybe they could fix this?

"i - i don't know," he shook his head, "you just deserve better than me. you really do."

"don't be stupid, clay. don't say that. you're amazing. i just want to know what's going on, please." y/n begged and a single tear slowly fell down her cheek with a light sniffle.

once again, he shook his head, "no, y/n, seriously. you deserve better than me. i just don't think it's right we're together anymore. i love you, i love you so much, it - it's just not working."

"is it me?" and that was when the tears really began to fall, "did i do something? am i not attractive?"

"no, baby." he leant forwards, thumb delicately wiping away her tears as his hand rested on her cheek. tears began to prick in his eyes, he really was head over heels for this girl, but nothing could stray him away from the guilt, "you're the most beautiful girl i've ever laid eyes on. i know it's cliché, but it really is me not you. i'm just so busy, i can't let that impact us more than it has."

"okay." she whispered, which came out more like a whimper. sobs spilled from her lips, black mascara staining her cheeks, "i understand."

"i'm so sorry." taking in a shaky breath, his own tears fell. the tightening in his throat was too much, he had to let out his cries, "you know i love you, you're perfect."

he pulled himself forwards even more. their faces met, and their lips connected in a short, yet sweet kiss. but it was a kiss that said everything, a simple goodbye kiss that they would both remember forever.

"i love you too," she cried out, "so much." pressing her forehead to his, her eyes were beginning to sting from the constant spilling of tears, "but please can you just take me home now. can we talk about this over the phone or something another day?"

nodding, he pressed a final kiss to her forehead and found himself back facing the steering wheel, "yeah, of course, anything."

the drive back to y/n's was awful. both of them sniffling, sobs spilling from them both, almost in pain from how much they had cried. it was not 'pretty' crying in the slightest, it was ugly and terrible to listen to. their faces were red, eyes bloodshot, both of them somewhat wet from the amount of tears that fell.

"y - you've just acted so - so distant -" y/n was barely able to string a sentence together, her breath constantly catching in her throat, "since - since that party you went to with sap."

slowly turning to look at him, she noticed a sudden change in clay's demeanour. his hands tightened against the wheel, veins now prominent, his eyes widened and he felt his own heart drop to his stomach. that guilt hit him again, the party.

"did something happen, at the party?" questioned y/n, who's brows were furrowed and face written with a clear, concerned expression.

"no." he vigorously shook his head. they were now turning into her street, "no, not at all."

liar.

"you're lying." muttered y/n, "there's something you're not telling me. i can tell."

"i -"

taking a deep breath in, y/n quickly cut him off, "b - because you didn't message me all night whilst you were there. i know i shouldn't constantly expect a message from you, but i asked if you were enjoying your night and you ignored it. i - i assumed you were just drunk or - or got distracted playing beer pong or something and forgot to reply, but now i don't know."

"look, i - i'm sorry. i really am, y/n."

"clay," she swallowed harshly, tears ready again, "what did you do?"

"i shouldn't have, i'm so sorry. i -"

"what the fuck did you do?" her voice raised, she was now fuelled by a mixture of anger and sadness.

simply shaking his head, he closed his eyes and turned away from her, head now thrown against his steering wheel outside of her house, he mumbled, "i cheated on you."

y/n couldn't help but gasp at what he had admitted, "i - i," she threw her head against the window, "with who?"

"just some girl."

"did you fuck her?"

"y - yes." dream's head had not moved once from the steering wheel, his own tears pouring against it out of anger towards himself.

"do i know her?"

"no."

"does sapnap know?"

"yes."

that was only question she actually cared about. y/n thought her and sapnap were friends, thought. but that clearly explained his uncomfortable mannerisms around her. he felt guilty too.

"fantastic." she sniffled, "why?"

"what do you mean why?" he huffed, taking in a deep breath to calm himself.

"what the fuck?" exclaimed y/n, "you just sat and told me i'm perfect or whatever bullshit you just said, so why did you cheat on me?"

"i don't know." he shrugged.

curiosity. the pretty blonde girl had been flirting with him all night. her fingertips constantly dancing along his skin when he sat on the sofa, or always finding their way into his dirty blonde locks. she was nonstop complimenting him, his freckles, saying how 'hot' he was and that she could appreciate a tall guy. to this day, he still could not explain why he did not bring up the fact he had a girlfriend.

and when y/n messaged him to ask if he was enjoying his night, this random girl was looking down at his phone asked with the most pleading eyes, "is that your girlfriend?"

"no." was all dream could say. and it was not long before the two found themselves in a locked bathroom together, intoxicated and ripping off one another's clothes, in a frantic, passionate mess.

he had no idea why he did it it. but he had never felt so guilty about something. which was why he constantly avoided y/n, he turned distant which only turned her cold, and now she knows the truth.

nostrils flared, y/n shook her head, tears still spilling, "is she prettier than me then?"

"just shut the fuck up, y/n!" yelled dream. throwing his head up from the steering wheel, his face was red raw, "will you stop asking me so many fucking questions! just punch me or something, tell me i'm the worst guy in the world, break my goddamn nose!"

all she could do was roll her eyes and shake her head again, "shut the fuck up."

"well i deserve it don't i?"

"you're not worth wasting the energy on." folding her arms, she turned away from him. she could no longer look him in the eye anymore. all those compliments he flooded her with earlier? he was clearly trying to make up for his infidelity.

"i never wanted to hurt you -"

"well you have."

"listen," he sighed, "i'm so fucking sorry. i love you, i really do. i don't know why i did it, i was an idiot and i fucked up, i know i did. i distanced myself because i couldn't stand the weight of hurting you, y/n."

"well it's a bit fucking late for that. i'm going inside now, please, i actually beg you, please never talk to me again." she muttered, before reaching for the door handle. but he leant over to stop her, his hand attempting to rest on hers which she only swatted away.

"please," he exhaled, "just know i'm so sorry. i know i've hurt you, but if you ever need someone to talk to, i'm always here for you, y/n."

y/n scoffed, nearly spitting in his face, "are you joking me? do me a favour and stop flattering yourself."

"what?" he was taken back by her offence, not understanding why he had annoyed her so much.

after ripping her heart into a million shreds, how had dream found the audacity to ask if she needed help? his ego was clearly getting out of hand, just like it did when he slept with someone else. it was condescending. and y/n had never felt anger like it.

"you know what, clay?" she laughed, opening the door completely, "perhaps 'fuck off' might be too kind."

and with that, she lifted herself from his car, slamming the door behind herself. not bothering to look behind herself at the state dream found herself in, she unlocked her door and stepped into her house, all while he sobbed against his steering wheel, yells and mumbles falling from his lips.