Rerarlo's Writing

 It began as a normal day, well as normal as it could be for you. A pair of tiny hands were slapping your face playfully, waking you up. There was a brief moment of confusion before your lethargic brain caught up.

 It was your little rascal, Aya. Your little firstborn that had just started learning how moving about and words worked. You gently caught her tiny arms, stopping her playful bashing against you. 

 How she kept waking up earlier than you did was beyond your understanding, especially with how sleepy she had been when she was an infant. You swear it was like one day a switch flipped and she began using all of that energy she had stored in those months specifically to be a menace. A cute menace but still a menace. 

 You sat up, catching her as she slipped down from where she had sat herself over your chest. You let out a slight hiss of pain, she had grasped some of your hair and tugged on it with her descent. And then she was shoving it into her mouth…of course. She always puts random things into her mouth.

 After you were done with stopping your daughter from eating your hair you sighed. If Aya was this rambunctious right after she woke up it was shaping up to be a hell of a day for you. 

 It was at times like these, exhausting but happy times, when you wondered how it would go if your mate, Aykuä, was still here. He’d probably scoop up your daughter right after she started her shenanigans, or maybe he’d manage to out sleep both you and Aya. That was probably more likely.

 If he did you’d smack him on the chest, playfully tease him about sleeping like the dead. He’d fire off a quip of his own. Aykuä always was a silly man.

 But that never got to happen. He’d died before you’d learned you were pregnant. You aren’t even sure what killed him. One day Aykuä just didn’t come back to the village, to your home. You searched for him, convinced the goofster had just gotten lost somehow.

 You found his cold, dead body instead. 

 He was unnaturally still, the sight nearly made you drop to your knees. The only cause of death you could discern was a small entry wound on the side of his head, with an exit wound to match. It looked like a small arrow or bolt had gone straight through his skull. 

 You wept, you don’t know for how long. Just that at some point others from your clan had to wrestle you away from the corpse. You didn’t know how to handle Aykuä’s death. So most of the time you just sat staring into blank space or clung to his presence in the spirit world. 

 But day you realised you were pregnant, that you still had a piece of him, was the day you cried the hardest in your entire life. It felt like a miracle, Aya felt like a miracle. Aykuä had suggested the name during one of your visits. You couldn’t name her anything different. 

 Your little bundle of joy had given you a new purpose. Life didn’t feel directionless anymore because of Aya, your job was to do your best to raise and keep her safe.

 You shook your head, clearing your mind, no more reminiscing. You had things to do today after all. You set Aya on your hip as you got up, picking up your bow and some arrows in your other hand, carefully angled away from the little one’s grasp.

 The plan was to drop by your parent’s home for breakfast before you went on a hunt. You’d probably be back during the afternoon if you were lucky. Hopefully that was enough time for your mother and father to exhaust most of Aya’s energy.

 Unfortunately that plan was interrupted when you caught a glimpse of something odd in the sky. You ignored your kid shoving the beads of your top into her mouth as you tried to make out what exactly it was. 

 A formation of black, red and white painted ikran with a large beast in the centre was descending towards your home tree. Smoke was trailing behind them, you didn’t know which clan you were looking at but a shiver went down your spine. 

 Instinct drove you to start running and calling attention to the rapidly closing in group. In seconds your clan was in motion, people picking up weapons just in case, ushering kids inside and running about. The first flaming arrow landed at your feet and all hell broke loose. 

 Aya, somehow sensing the danger herself, began crying as you ran. You haphazardly grabbed fabric someone had hung to dry and tied a sling you could place Aya into, just so your hands were free. 

 You tried not to focus on her cries and little hands and feet kicking at your back as you notched and let loose arrow after arrow at the raiders. The flames were spreading and your priority was to get off of the tree before it wasn’t an option anymore. 

 You scrambled down rough bark while trying to keep an eye on your surroundings. The raider’s ikran were still flying in the air but some of them had taken to pursuing your clan by foot. 

 A rough hand grabbed and pulled your shoulder, you pivoted to face the aggressor. His knife was held high in the air and was quickly coming down on you, you caught it on your bow, the wood splintering as it sunk in, you twisted it so the blade slipped out of his grasp. 

 Now with no weapon, he instead rammed his body into you. Trying to grapple and toss you, but you had grabbed one of the arrows you still had. With a yell right in his ear he recoiled, you slipped free just enough to stab the arrow into his throat. 

 Shock and fear were easy to see on his face, he put a hand over yours and tried to hold the arrow in place, foolishly thinking he’d survive. You hissed before roughly twisting and pulling the arrow free from his neck. The blood covered you as it sprayed out of the wound.

 You were already on the move before his body even hit the ground. The only thing you cared about right now was getting Aya to safety. Scraping your knees, losing your fractured bow as you slid down the last bit of the tree and leaving bloody tracks as you ran into the forest wasn’t a concern in the moment.

 But you’d exhausted yourself too much to run far. Your legs started bowing under your own and Aya’s weight. A dense covering of broad-leafed underbrush seemed like a good hiding spot in your adrenaline and fear clouded mind.

 And Aya was still crying. You began trying to shush her as you tugged her out of the makeshift baby carrier. The little thing was bawling her eyes out harder than you’d ever seen her. 

 You tried muffling her cries into your body as you held her tight and close, ignoring how she kicked and punched against you. The most important thing was for you both to be quiet. 

 Your heart about jumped out of your chest as you heard footsteps. You lowered yourself to the ground as much as you could, hiding your child beneath you. She finally quieted, maybe she realised the danger. 

 You kept hearing the plants around you move, heard how several Na’vi waded through them. The footfalls weren’t frantic, they weren’t running. It felt like they were searching, stalking. 

 You couldn’t see anything through the dense vegetation, and you hoped that meant they couldn’t see you either. But your heartbeat being in your ears and frantically trying to control your panicked breathing wasn’t giving you the best opportunity to keep track of how close they were to you.

 Before you knew it somebody had forced your head in-between two ends of a bow and made your body to bow up and back. You yelled in alarm and pain when your kuru was yanked back as well.

 And just like that Aya was crying again, her tiny hands clinging to your top like a lifeline. You bared your teeth and hissed as loud as you could at the raiders, who were in a loose formation around you. 

 The shadows of the forest made them look so much more threatening than when you could see them in clear daylight. The similar colours and patterns made them blend into one cohesive mass that surrounded you and your daughter. 

 Your eyes were drawn to the movement as the group parted. They were making way for an imposing woman. She stood out among them with her feathered headdress and predatory movement. This situation was completely in her favour, you could see it in her eyes.

 Flame yellow eyes roved over your figure in a vaguely familiar yet frightening way. You couldn’t help but hiss and try to hide Aya within your arms more than you already were when those eyes landed on your daughter. 

 You shuddered as a sadistic smile slowly grew on the woman’s face. She drew closer, crouching in front of you as she took over holding your braid. She was close, way too close, and you couldn’t help but draw in a trembling breath even as you tried to look intimidating.

- You have skill. Killing one of my people like that, with this little one clinging to you. - the woman’s breath cascaded over you as her fingers smeared the tacky blood across your face. You hissed as her bloody hand moved towards your daughter, twisting your body to the side, trying to get Aya out of her reach. 

- Who are you? Why are you doing this? - for some reason that was what came out of your mouth first, despite all the curses running through your mind. A flicker or surprise sprung up on the woman’s face, just for a moment.

- I am Varang. Tsahik of the Mangkwan. - she had a mad look in her eyes, like her sanity had slipped long ago. You didn’t even dare to push for an answer to your second question.

- You will be coming with me. Back to my home. - Varang said like her word was law, you shuddered as she cupped your jaw. Your mind ran wild, thinking of how to get out of this. It was clear whatever she wanted you for wasn’t good.

- What are you doing? - you flinched in fear when Varang slipper her hand down to the end of your kuru. She only grinned at you before the tendrils of her own surged forth. There was a second of confusion before agony assaulted you and your muscles spasmed. 

 You vaguely heard Aya crying louder as your arms slid down from holding her. You tried reaching for her again, but your body wouldn’t obey you, instead darkness swallowed your vision.

 The first thing you felt upon waking up was the splitting headache. Fuck…it felt like a pa’li kicked you in the head. Trying to move our arms to soothe the pain was revealed to be useless, your hands were tied behind your back, body leaned against a wooden pole.

 Memories of what happened flooded your head. Aya. Where is Aya?! She was with that…that monster last time you were conscious. Your breath quickened, trying to scan your surroundings for your daughter. 

 All you were met with was macabre decorations and frightening items. There were hooks hanging from the ceiling! And bones too, why the fuck not! Your head was still wildly swinging about when the jingling beads at the entrance caught your attention.

 You froze when you saw Varang walk in with your kid, your baby. That monster was just cuddling her, bringing Aya to her own cheek and nuzzling like she’d been doing it for ages. Your daughter laughs as Varang gives the chub on her cheeks a gentle nip. Your stomach drops. 

- Why are you holding her? - you can’t keep the hiss out of your voice no matter how much you try to. Your daughter finally notices you are around and reaches towards you, babbling. 

- Am I not allowed to? - Varang taunts you subtly, her voice sounding hurt but you could hear the sadistic satisfaction underneath. She lightly bounces Aya just enough to distract her. 

 It’s odd feeling cold dread run through you at the happy sounds your daughter lets out. You almost open your mouth again, almost plead for Varang to just put her down. But you know it isn’t wise, so you bite your tongue.

- You listen to me and your daughter will remain unharmed. How does it sound? Your loyalty for her life, not a bad trade. - Varang crouches in-front of you, smiles gently at your kid while threatening her life. 

- …Alright… - you hesitate to answer, but you knew what you would say the moment Varang proposed the deal. It still feels like an arrow shot you to give in so easily. But Aya comes before your pride. 

- Good. - Varang cupped your cheek while allowing your daughter to half crawl half stumble over to your lap. Your little one tilted her little head at you in confusion when your arms didn’t wrap around her. 

 Thankfully thats when Varang undoes your bindings, letting your child play with the dangling rope while she works at the knots. A small sense of relief runs through you when you can finally hold your baby again, your little Aya. 

 She babbles happily, not being aware of how much danger the both of you are in. At least she isn’t crying anymore. Tears almost slip down from you but you hold them back. Showing weakness in front of that monster isn’t a good idea.

- You two will be living with me. - you almost jump as Varang wraps her arms around you both from behind, settling her chin on your shoulder. Your daughter brings her arms up to grab at Varang’s braids as they fall over you. You gently redirect her to your own hair, one wrong move and this could turn deadly. 

 You want to question it, you want to protest. But the safety of your kid is on the line. You merely nod, showing you heard and understood. You can’t help cringing when Varang gives a quick peck to your cheek before she stands up. Why does she insist on being affectionate?

- Move to the furs, I’ll bring dinner. - you want to melt at how your little girl perks up at the word ‘dinner’ but fear keeps you rigid. Fear and the reminder that Varang isn’t your mate, no matter how much you wanted to experience something this soft with Aykuä.

 There’s a little stray thought of disobeying, of staying right where you are. You are quickly reminded of how stupid that would be when your brain supplies you with memories of the raid that brought you both here. 

 Settling in the furs that smell so heavily of Varang makes you grit your teeth as your ears flick downwards. Your daughter makes a noise halfway between confusion and concern. 

- Mam-ma? - she strings the word along in her adorable, little kid way. You try to smile down at her, reassure her, even if you are the more scared between the two.

- It’s okay baby, mama is just…a little tired. - you know she’s too young to catch the lie, or actually understand what you said. But the comfort seems to be good enough as she giggles and starts head butting your tummy. 

 You huff in amusement, of course the little rascal does this. You’d need to make Aya stop with this habit when she gets older, you don’t know if you can take a 4 or 5 year old bashing their head into you full force. 

- Creative use of her skull. - you jolt when Varang shatters the cute moment between you and your daughter. Your kid also jumps a little bit but her surprise is quickly overtaken by delight at the sight of food. You have to physically hold her back before she tumbles into the bowls Varang sets down in front of you. 

 You try to ignore Varang staring at you as you feed your daughter first, as per usual. Stew wouldn’t be your first choice to feed the little gremlin but you don’t dare make Varang get something else. So you settle for fighting against your little girl’s little grabby hands that are trying so very hard to bring the food to her mouth, but just spilling when she does get ahold of the spoon. 

 After what feels like ages of fighting a baby your kid finally rolls off of your lap and smushes her face against your side, fully satiated. You can’t help but sigh as Aya uses your skin as a rag to clean off her little stew covered hands and face. But you resign yourself to your fate as you finish off the small amount left in her bowl before starting your own.

- Messy. - your eyes flick over to Varang, her intent gaze having slid over to your daughter. You notice she has finished her own meal while you were struggling and is now just sitting on the furs, legs crossed.

- That is why I try feeding her less messy foods. - exhaustion loosened your words, you freeze after you utter them however. Shit, you weren’t supposed to sass Varang! You are still stiff even as Varang has to muffle her giggles against her hand. 

- I will keep that in mind. - she teases you, resting her chin on her palm. How can she act so casual with you while you feel like every move you make is like walking on eggshells? 

 At least your daughter falls asleep quickly after she eats, her soft little snoring starting up as her face is smushed into your side. After you are done with your own food Varang just places the bowls outside of the furs and spreads out on them, patting the space beside her.

 You hesitantly settle next to her, manoeuvring your daughter to be in your arms. Varang’s tail flicks in annoyance before scooting closer to you. Placing your head into the crook of her neck as she rolls onto her side and tosses a thigh over your hips. 

 You lay there stiffly as your thoughts run wild. Why is she keeping you? Why are you still alive? Is she just toying with you? Does she just want to see your reactions? Does she want to break you down into something else? What is she trying to do? 

 How do you get out of this? When do you run?

 Sleep doesn’t come easy to you, even as you feel Varang’s breathing even out you are afraid to move with her arms around you. And whenever you do fall asleep you wake up shortly after for one reason or another. 

 Either a nightmare, or your body randomly jolting, convinced that danger is around the corner. But what, or who, you are so afraid of has wrapped you in her hold so tight you have no hope of running.

 The following couple of days settle into an odd cadence. You awaken, if you managed sleep, in Varang’s embrace stiff as a board. For some odd reason she gets you and your daughter breakfast. Even begins feeding Aya herself.

 Instead of feeling relieved that a little bit of work is off your back you can’t help but watch Varang like she’s about to strike. The little bit of kindness feels like a trick, like she’s just trying to endear Aya to herself. The wicked grins in your direction don’t help, it feels like Varang is delighting in your fear of that she might do.

 Then you begin on whatever task she has for you. Grind some herbs, make weapons, weave something, depends on the day. But your hands always tremble because Varang scoops up your daughter and brings your little Aya with her while she does- what ever she does. 

 You almost screeched when you saw that mad Tsahik introducing your kid to Nightwraith. Felt like you swallowed the sound just so you wouldn’t blow out everybody’s eardrums. You wanted to kill Varang when you saw that self satisfied grin on her while looking at your reaction. 

 The view of your little girl just happily grabbing at sharp teeth and patting a dangerous animal on the face over and over again almost made you have a damn heart attack. And worst of all you could see Varang trying to hold back her laughter. 

 But the questions of what exactly she wants from you kept building and building day after day until she came back to the yurt without your daughter.

- Where is she? - you rose up immediately, fear and fury on your face. 

- She is safe. - she brought her hands up in a placating gesture, half in mockery. 

- Where is she Varang? - for the first time since you ended up here you got the courage to get in her face. You hissed baring your teeth.

- On a playdate with some other children, their parents are watching over her. Be calm, and stay with me. - Varang dared to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear. Why the hell did she think it was a good idea to leave your kid with some random couple? 

- I am going to get her. - you tried storming past Varang and out of the yurt but her hand dug painfully into your wrist as she yanked you back. She quickly manoeuvred one of your arms behind your back, the other firmly in Varang’s hold as well. 

- Do you not recall our deal? You listen, and she’s protected. Do you want Aya hurt? - that froze you in place, heart about to beat out of your chest.

- Now are you going to be good? - Varang whispered in your ear sensually, a shiver involuntarily ran down your spine. You barely managed to nod. Varang hummed, nosing at your neck, nipping periodically. 

- I’ll have to punish your daughter for your disobedience. But Aya’s mother is caring enough to take the punishment for her, right? - Varang was clearly taunting you, humiliating you. You couldn’t help but nod. 

 You didn’t know what she wanted to do with your daughter, but if you had the option to be punished instead of her, you’d take it. 

- Good. Stay still. - Varang whispered in your ear as she let go of your hands. You stayed still like a statue, not even moving your arms to a more comfortable position.

- So you can listen. - the mad Tsahik patted your cheek condescendingly. You watched every one of Varang’s movements as she walked around the yurt, looking at the various weapons she had. Before finally settling on her favourite twin blades. 

 That clued you in on what was about to happen. You held your breath and gritted your teeth as Varang scored shallow lines along the length of your thighs. You tried not to flinch as the weapon left your skin.

- You bleed so pretty for me, just like I thought you would. - the unexpectedly soft words from Varang made you shudder, you couldn’t predict her movements. She gently directed you to lay down on the furs, you vaguely noted how they had began to take on your own scent too. 

 You bit the inside of your cheek as Varang licked along the wounds she caused, her hands toying with your loincloth. You couldn’t help but jerk away from her touch when you realised what she wanted from you. 

 A soft hiss from Varang forced you to relax. Okay…it’s okay, you can deal with this. Whatever it takes to keep Aya safe. You didn’t fight as Varang tugged your coverings off, no matter how much you wanted to. 

 You vaguely noted Varang had stripped while you disassociated and tried to convince yourself this was fine. You couldn’t look at her with tears at your waterline, didn’t want her to see how something so simple was upsetting you this much.

 It really was simple, Varang kept you for this, this was the price you had to pay if you wanted you and your daughter to live, to be okay. Your breathing was shaky, your mind trying to rationalise this when Varang cupped your face. 

 She drew you into a too gentle kiss, one that made the tears finally slip from your eyes. It almost, almost felt like your mate was kissing you. It was relieving when she bit your lip hard enough to draw blood and forced her way into your mouth, your Aykuä wouldn’t have done that. 

 You resigned yourself to just lying there and letting Varang take whatever she wanted from you as she littered bites and kisses over your neck and breasts. You subconsciously kept your noises at bay, only allowing sighs and hitches of breath to slip through. 

 Varang grabbed one of your knees and spread you out, you almost jumped at the contact. She brought your leg up and away from its twin, putting you on full display for her.

- Hold it like that. - she demanded, slipping down from your chest to your stomach, continuing to litter sharp bites all over. You complied, you felt vulnerable and exposed but you complied.

 You wanted to jerk away as you felt Varang’s breath on your pussy, but you forced yourself still. She focused on your clit right away, tugging the hood of it up and licking right over the exposed bud. You couldn’t help the jump of your hips and surprised gasp. 

 The direct contact quickly made you oversensitive. The sensations of Varang’s textured tongue licking at you and her teeth pressing into your clit in a tease of pain were overwhelming. Your hands dug into the thigh you were holding to a painful degree in an attempt to ground yourself. 

 Moans whines and whimpers began slipping from your mouth and you swear you could feel Varang grinning into your cunt. Then she started sucking your clit and humming into you. Your body trashed, tail whipping back and forth and ears folding to your skull as you keened so loud you think your own ears started ringing. 

 Your nails dug into your thigh so hard you could feel blood welling up. Your breaths quickened in-between your whimpers and whines. You were so, so, so close-

 Varang stopped. 

 One hand let go of your thigh to hit the fur under you in frustration. You hissed at her, momentarily forgetting the position you were in.

- You get so desperate, so quickly. - Varang giggled as she rose from in between your legs and drew you into another kiss. 

 This one didn’t start soft as she shoved her tongue into your mouth right away, the taste of your own slick overtook. Still pissed off at Varang you gave a light bite to her tongue as it explored your mouth again. A surprised moan rose out of her. 

 She bit and tugged at your lip in retaliation as she retreated, you could taste the blood on it afterwards. Varang grabbed your hair and tugged your head back, exposing your neck. She bit you harder this time, you could feel blood leak from some of the marks. 

- So pretty when you are marked by me. - the quiet words brushed your ear gently, a contrast to the way the wounds stung.

 You startled as she slotted her dripping core over your own. The sound of her drawn out moan, of her enjoyment, was right in your ear as your clits bumped together. Then she started moving against you.

 The slick glide was foreign to you, but enjoyable, not matter how much you didn’t want to admit. Your hips moved in rhythm with Varang’s and her moans felt like they were ringing in your skull. 

 You don’t even know when your arms wrapped around her, one was scoring scratches deep into her back, and the other had grabbed her hips, encouraging her to move faster. Fuck, you hadn’t felt this good in a long time. You hadn’t been with anyone or even touched yourself since Aykuä died.

 Whines slipped in-between Varang’s moans when she started getting close, the grinding of her pussy against yours becoming frantic and uncoordinated. Not that you were doing much better either, you kept jerking into her mock thrusts uncontrollably. 

 Every time your clit rubbed against hers it felt like a bolt of lighting went down your spine. Then you went over the edge. You flung your head back, involuntarily holding your breath all the while. Varang wasn’t close behind, muffling her moans by biting into your shoulder. 

 For a while you were both just limply laid against each other, panting the entire time. You groaned in a twinge of frustration and exasperation as the first thing Varang did when she caught her breath was lick up the blood from her bites. 

 Now that you knew why Varang kept you the days went easier. You didn’t panic as you ran through escape plans in your mind. You knew what to expect, despite how much your gut twisted when Varang had her way with you. You could at least be calmer, you just had to entertain the mad Tsahik and you and Aya would be safe. 

 You were still on edge when your daughter wasn’t by your side, but your hands didn’t tremble anymore. However Varang loves to keep you on your toes.

- …Varang why is Aya painted? And why does she look…so… - you asked one evening when Varang brought your daughter back. It looked like your little one had tumbled into the paint bowls and then rolled around in ash for good measure. The only slightly not messy thing on her was the red stripe on her face that mimicked Varang’s. 

- Does she not look cute? - Varang avoided the question, smiling widely, bringing your daughter up to her face, probably trying to show off the similarities in their paint. 

- She is eating her arm. - you deadpanned, unimpressed, Varang quickly whipped her head around to witness Aya shoving her arm into her mouth as far as she could. At least it was funny to watch Varang deal with your daughter and her habit of putting everything and anything in her mouth. 

- The paint was meant for you. - Varang said it like a throwaway comment as she was trying to convince Aya that the paint on her wasn’t edible and to get the kid’s arm out of her mouth. You froze. 

- For…me? - you echoed in slight confusion. 

- You are part of the Mangkwan but do not look like it. I will fix this. - her words felt like they pierced through you. Part of the Mangkwan?

 No, no, no, you were fine with just being Varang’s toy, just keeping your kid safe until you could run, but being part of this murderous clan felt wrong. Wrong on every level. You bit your tongue. Contradicting her was dangerous. 

 When she did paint you the material felt overwhelming on your skin, it felt awful. Even if it was mostly ash. Varang had tried several patterns on you, but it was hard to find one that she liked and one that Aya also recognised you in. 

 The first time Varang had settled on a look and plopped Aya in your lap your daughter looked at you in confusion, kept swinging her head around, like she was trying to find something. Then when you finally spoke to her she just started crying. 

 Neither of you understood why Aya started bawling her eyes out but your heart shattered. You hated the helpless feeling as you couldn’t calm her down and she didn’t stop until Varang started lightly bouncing your kid in her arms. 

 You didn’t know what to think. Why had Varang of all people managed to calm Aya down but you, her mother, couldn’t? 

 At least Varang settled for a more bare faced look after. You still have Mangkwan paint on you, but it’s minimal, just enough to make it clear you…belong to Varang, but for Aya to still know it’s you. 

 It felt utterly wrong. But it was for your daughter. Just until you can run. You kept repeating those words like a mantra. 

 Then came the courting gifts. 

 The first one was subtle, you probably wouldn’t have realised if you hadn’t been courted before. A knife made out of obsidian, a sturdy leather cord wrapped around the handle of it. And at the end of said handle dangled a little decorative braid that had a blood red piece of amber and a sharp tooth secured in it. 

 Your first thought upon looking at it was why Varang trusted you to have it. Didn’t she fear you might attack her and make a run for it? You didn’t dare voice your thoughts, just accepted the gift placidly. The less she knew about your ideas the better.

 You tried convincing yourself it actually wasn’t a courting gift after you received it. Why would Varang even try to court you? She already had you under her thumb, and you both knew you couldn’t deny her anything. Not without consequences.

 But she just kept giving them to you. A skull, a necklace, new beads to braid into your hair. She even started making some tiny things for Aya after the little one got jealous. 

 There was an ache in your chest as the gestures reminded you of your dead mate, but Varang couldn’t be more different than Aykuä. You felt guilty when you looked softly at her while she helped you with Aya. 

 You stopped being awakened by the little trouble maker, instead you got to wake up to Varang bringing breakfast because she had intercepted Aya’s attempts to terrorise you at dawn. 

 You got to softly laugh as Varang struggled to feed the overzealous little kid without getting the food everywhere but inside Aya’s mouth.

 You got to feel like a person again instead of just a mom as Varang would set up playdates for Aya and brought you on outings. Just the two of you flying somewhere on Nightwraith. The wind on your skin a melancholy reminder of when you and Aykuä would fly on your ikran during similar outings.

 You’d off handedly mention your favourite fruit and a couple days later Varang would bring some to you, the gesture blindsiding you. 

 Intimacy with her gradually softened too. She went from demanding and demeaning, leaving wounds. To almost loving, praising you. Hearing the words ‘Good girl’ and ‘being so sweet for me’ wasn’t uncommon for you now. She was still intense and rough, and she still left bites, but she hasn’t taken a knife to your skin in a long time. And at times Varang was even almost…gentle.

 Guilt overtook you, guilt at every gentle touch, at every word that sent a pleasant shiver down your spine, every time Varang was just slightly kind. The thought of running was still in the back of your mind no matter what she did. But it had began feeling hollow. Some of the Mangkwan kids started recognising Aya and wanting to play with her, mainly the younger ones but still. 

 Aya herself had grown over the months you spent with the Mangkwan, she made her first steps and had even started running. Which did sometimes turn into a game of ’catch the toddler before she hurts herself’ but what can you do? You knew this stage would come, yet the days of wishing it was Aykuä who was chasing her down with you instead of Varang grew few and far between.

 Aya had started talking more too. Something that surprised you was that she had started calling Varang ‘momma’. You are pretty sure Varang taught her to do that when Aya was away from you though.

 Varang started calling you her beloved. It startled you initially but with time it softened you whenever you heard it. Not that you’d ever admit it. 

 However your desire to run was completely killed one evening.

 Varang’s fingers were covered in toddler slobber as it was her turn to feed Aya and you tried not to giggle. You failed but still took the now fed child from Varang’s lap so she could clean up. 

 Aya had decided to settle against your stomach for tonight, you just curled up around her and waited for Varang to envelop you both. You aren’t sure when you started looking forward to her embrace. 

- Our daughter is a troublesome one, my mate. - Varang sighed when she pulled you into her arms, settling your head into the crook of her neck as usual. The words didn’t affect you at first, they felt natural for Varang to say and natural for you to hear. 

 You almost gave a sarcastic quip before you fully processed her words. It felt like you fell into a cold river. Our daughter, her mate. That was what you were now wasn’t it? You were hardly prisoners as you had been initially. 

 You looked at Varang with wide eyes, and it finally hit you. Fuck… fuck your stupid heart you fell in love with her, despite what she had done. The bubbly warm feeling of affection was quickly killed by guilt and shame. Varang didn’t notice your internal dilemma, or didn’t comment on it as she held you closer and gently purred.

 You resigned yourself to your fate then and there. To being Varang’s mate, and to Aya being her child too.

 Guilt ate at you everyday, but you had also been with the Mangkwan long enough to know escape wouldn’t be possible. They knew your face, they knew what Varang had allowed you and what she had not. Running wasn’t an option. 

 Where would you even run to anyway? Some other clan? There was no guarantee you and Aya would even survive the journey to one. 

 Your budding feelings for the monster, for Varang, waged war against what you still carried for Aykuä and your morals. Sometimes you wondered if there truly wasn’t a way out, or if you’d just given up on looking for one. Then you wondered if what you were asking yourself even mattered. 

 Your heart ached to visit Aykuä again, but it also drummed with fear over how he’d react to what happened. It was an unnecessary fear, the Mangkwan didn’t commune with their dead, you’d never see your old mate again.

 You tried not to let your internal struggle show. Varang was being soft on you yes, but you were still afraid that she’d start treating you as just a prisoner if you stepped out of line. And despite your complicated feelings towards her, Varang truly was your only lifeline in this place. 

 The rest of the clan openly sneered at you, hissing if you came too close or tried to get too friendly. Varang didn’t stop them, the social isolation worked in her favour after all. You both knew how dependent on her you and Aya were. 

 The only peace of mind you had was that Aya was more accepted than you were. Varang had claimed Aya as her daughter after all. And nobody dared to insult the Tsahik’s child. Even if the growing menace had started biting tails and hissing at people when she deemed it fitting.

 But it frightened you when you began seeing more of Varang than Aykuä in her at such a young age. She was barely speaking in complete sentences and already resembled the mad Tsahik. It wasn’t something you wanted for your daughter, but you knew you were powerless to stop it. 

 It was the worst when Varang came back from raids. Aya would either take off the moment she heard the wingbeats of the ikran, or wiggle wildly in your arms until she escaped and ran to greet Varang. 

 Then Varang would jump down from Nightwraith, scoop your daughter up, and twirl the little girl around until Aya was bursting from giggles. Even if Varang had blood on her hands, even if she covered Aya in it. It was odd to feel joy mix with fear and guilt in your gut while you watched them.

 Each time without fail Aya would then reach for you. She didn’t want you to take her from Varang no, the first time you’d done that Aya ended up biting you, she wanted both of you to hug her. And you’d comply. You’ve done much worse for your little girl. 

 And this little ritual would repeat time and time again. But you could tell when Varang wasn’t as enthusiastic as usual. You prodded her for the cause of her bad mood, concerned it might affect her treatment towards you and your kid, however Varang didn’t let you know the reason until Aya went to terrorise her playmates. 

 She told you of finding a weapon that makes thunder, a Sky Man teaching her how to use it, and how he and his group slipped from her grasp. Varang recalled the event with frustration that things didn’t go her way, but you were secretly glad they hadn’t. 

 Varang was already plenty dangerous, she brought back horror stories, with her as the monster, from each raid. She enjoyed the terror in your eyes when she told you of what she’d done. You couldn’t imagine how much worse she’d be with Sky People weapons in her hands. 

 You subtly shook your head, attempting to dislodge the unwanted scenarios your mind conjured. 

- Maybe… - you almost couldn’t believe you were about to offer this - maybe it would be useful to…relieve some tension? 

 Varang eyes flicked to you in curiosity, animosity forgotten as your tail brushed her chest and thighs teasingly. Her own tail flicked in clear interest, ears perking at your blatant suggestion. You haven’t initiated sex with Varang before, but you knew it would please her. You playing your role always pleased her, no matter how much your mind screamed at you not to.

- Are you not getting too bold ma yawntu? - her words would’ve made you jolt months ago, but her airy laughter signalled that you weren’t in danger. 

- You like when I am bold. - you confidently claimed - Do not forget it was you who brought up how good I looked when I killed one of your warriors. 

- You looked magnificent covered in blood, my bold little mate. - she moved to cage you in-between her arms against the furs, you lowered yourself to your elbows to give her room to do so. 

 Varang started as she often did, littering your neck with her bites. Some of the initial bite marks had scarred over, the ones she gave you when she still fucked you with too much force. But now she only left indents and bruises. You were grateful for that.

- I want to see you bathed in blood again. - Varang breathed, almost moaned, against your throat. - But if I took you on raids, who would care for our little Aya while we are gone?

 Your breath hitched, desperately praying Varang wouldn’t find a solution to her dilemma. 

- Maybe now is not the time to think about raids, hm? - you tried to redirect her attention by gently untying the ties of her loincloth, slipping it off when she gave no protest. 

- You are right. - you only caught a glimpse of Varang’s blown out pupils before you were fully pushed down onto your back. - I want your mouth. 

 Your hands settled on the backs of her muscled thighs as she situated her cunt over your face. She was already dripping, your jaw dropped open. You had barely even done anything to get her this wet. 

 Varang dropping onto your open mouth startled you at first, but you quickly got to work. It was odd in the beginning how Varang tasted of ash even here, but you’ve gotten used to her unique salty taste. 

 You circled her clit with your tongue, dipped into her entrance, and sucked at her, changing strategy every few moments. It kept her on her toes, not knowing what to expect from you. You teased her with your teeth when she started grinding and bucking against your face. 

 You aren’t sure when her moans began feeling like music to your ears, but you’ve found yourself greatly enjoying her noises of pleasure lately. And oh, how good it felt to hear her whine when you gently, oh so gently, bit her clit. 

 Feeling how her desperation to cum grew you slipped two of your fingers into her pussy, focusing on her clit with your tongue. Her hands gripped your hair near painfully but it was worth it to feel her clench around you.

 You didn’t think the word cute could be associated with Varang, but that is the only descriptor for her when she is like this. With her droopy and twitching ears, flailing tail, and adorable whimpers as your fingers curled and you pressed at the spot that has her eyes rolling back into her head. 

 You know Varang is about to cum when her previously bowed spine goes straight and rigid, she more so twitches instead of grinds against your mouth as her cunt clamps down on your fingers. Your ministrations ease up a touch, but you know not to stop before she tells you to. 

- Good…so good for me… - Varang sighs as she lifts herself off of your mouth. You can feel her juices dripping down your chin. Your paint would need to be fixed after this, like always.

- And to think you could not even make me cum the first time. - she nuzzles her forehead against yours as you lick your lips clean of her. Recalling the embarrassing memory makes you want to hide in your hands, but you reject the impulse. If you did Varang’s good mood would be ruined.

- Do not bring that up… - you half-heartedly pleaded with her. - I was completely clueless…

- It was clear you did not know. You were so clumsy I almost wondered if you even birthed Aya. - Varang kept mercilessly teasing you. You went to make a comment along the lines of ‘I’ve only been with men before you’, but Varang never took well to being reminded of your previous lovers. 

 Especially when you mentioned Aykuä. Despite her knowing of his death there was still an untameable jealously within her. Maybe she suspected you were lying about him dying, maybe she was angry that he had even been with you. She couldn’t have been too angry about it however, she still adored Aya after all and your previous mate had helped make her. 

 So you bit your tongue and only sighed, no matter how soft Varang was with you there was still the possibility of her going back to how she treated you before. Varang’s gaze sharpened regardless.

- What is my mate fussy about now? Did I embarrass you too much? - she said it like a tease, but you knew she was probing you, assessing your reaction. Trying to see if you were still being good for her, or if she’d need to…punish you again.

- Just wondering if my Tsahik is going to return the favour or not. - you knew calling Varang by her title always made her perk up, so you used it to your advantage. 

- Greedy little thing. - she went to tug off your loincloth despite her words. Your legs spread out in a mimicry of eagerness. But you should’ve guessed she was in the mood to tease you. 

 You squeaked as her fingers started off rougher than you expected, immediately bullying your hard clit. Your hips rose up to meet her touchers on their own as your hands struggled not to cover up your mouth. 

 Varang began kissing you then, swallowing your moans as she tasted her own slick on your tongue. Your hips bucked up, you felt empty as you clenched around nothing. But you knew not to ask more of Varang, she was already humouring you. Instead you tried to keep your begging at bay as your tail twitched about in impatience. 

 Despite not feeling her fingers inside you, Varang still brought you dangerously close to the edge very quickly. Sometimes you wondered when and how she learned her way around a pussy. But that line of thinking strayed dangerously close to some sort of…jealousy on your part.

 And just as you whined into her mouth, about to cum, her fingers lifted away from your clit. You wretched your head back and gasped in a pathetic breath that turned into a sob. That is one of the things you despised her doing. Her piercing laugh echoed in your head, of course she found amusement in this. 

- Aww, I am sorry ma yawntu, you are just too cute for me not to deny you. - Varang cupped your face, bringing you to look at her as her thumbs wiped the tears threatening to spill. Both of you knew she wasn’t sorry. - Don’t worry. I will make you cum. Eventually.

 Great. Apparently this is how Varang has decided to destress. You tried to steel your nerves, it would be a long evening… 

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Woo! This was so much fun to write! I may have gotten a bit too attached to little baby Aya. I am thinking of cooking up a part 2 to this fic and she will grow to be such a menace. Also shoutout to Aykuä for making a baby cute enough that Varang basically adopts it immediately. Also this fic does have a meme associated with it. Right here. Might make more memes based on this fic because inspiration struck. Also tempted to draw resident tiny menace Aya.

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