a childhood dream

it is said that you should strive to only be better than who you were and stop comparing yourself to others. on the drive home my eyes started tearing as memories kept flashing in my head. it is frustrating when the only one who knows how much work you put into yourself is you. it is not the first time i’m “the friend of..” i am always that friend, because compared to others i am quiet and reserved but comparing to who i used to be i am out- going and confident. i feel stuck. i will always fall behind, i keep bettering myself but in the mean time others around me grow as well and people still view me the same way they have years ago even if i’m a completely different person. 

A letter to my 16 year old self

i get attached way too easily. i don’t know how to control it. It was supposed to be only physical and still, even though i knew you are here just for a short while and nothing can happen between us, i have let you in to my heart and mind. I have read that you get attached easily when you are not happy with yourself, but i do not know how to change that. I try my best to make myself happy and healthy. I work out regularly and i try to eat healthy with out restricting myself too much. i have one friend with whom i talk with regularly and we go out and laugh. I have a good life, a good support system, a home, loving family and yet, at night, i think about hurting myself. mostly by cutting. But i do not hurt myself anymore, like i said i am trying to be healthy and happy.

הר געש

אני רוצה להסתכל בעינייך

כל כך אפלה

31/10/2017

I wish i could tell you

I let down my walls