everything i need is right here pt.1 || dick grayson x blkfem!reader
summary: you've spent the past seven years away from the mask, but new threats and past obligations pull you away from your family
a/n: heres my first attempt at a series. i have a set ending but i think an alt one could be fun too idk ?? and i gave the kids names because why not
Dead in the night, time barely stood at three in the morning. The sound of wailing echoes off the walls, waking you and Dick. With sluggish movements, you shifted, rising to rest your weight on your forearms and recognizing the cries as your son, Eli. Lucky for you, it was Dick’s turn to cater to your monster toddler for the night. The idea was that he would settle down your son, leaving you to fall back to sleep. However, the reality came to be that your husband returned with Eli in hand, somehow, finding the voice to cry louder than before. Once discovered, he'd refuse to fill in the noise any other way.
“Help, please?” He begged with a tone wrapped in a fit of earnestness and exhaustion. Still, a weary smile broke through the edges of his lips as he tried to hassle through the squirming.
A low chuckle fell past your lips at the sight. Three kids in and despite the countless interrupted nights and fussy cries, there was nothing you would give to change it. Some days it's still hard to believe. That, regardless of everything, you were lucky enough to have all of this. That life of normalcy, you spent hours wondering if you’ll have after every mission. You were young, a kid starting out just like the rest. Early on, you learned bearing that mask takes and takes. That you have to hold onto the good that you're granted with everything you have. If asked, joining the Titans was possibly one of the worst decisions you'd ever made. Yet, you don't hold a single regret. Not if it meant you wouldn't be living the life you have now.
“Come here, baby,” you said in a sleep-ridden tone as you took him from Dick’s grasp. Your hand comes to rub soothing motions across his back. Carefully, you sat down on the edge of the bed, bouncing your son with his tears slowly coming to a halt. His head rested snug on your chest, and a tiny hand clutched your shirt. “Unbelievable,” you muttered, tiredly shaking your head, with the corners of your lips turning slightly upward.
The sight pulled out a weak chuckle from Dick. Crossing his arms, he leaned on the door frame, letting his head gently hit the wood.
“You know, I'm starting to think I'm not the favorite parent here,” he insisted, pushing off the frame. Far too exhausted to fight off a weary grin. He comes shuffling to the bed to sit beside you, the mattress sinking beneath his weight. Letting his head rest on your shoulder, and his eyes fluttering shut.
You let out a hum and a soft huff of laughter, “Yeah, probably. Are the girls still asleep?”
“Yep, out like a light,” he confirmed, suppressing a yawn, recollecting how peacefully they slept through the cries of their brother. It’s a true miracle they can sleep through the night until it's a struggle to get out the door in the morning. You feel the weight of Dick’s head lift. His gaze now caught up on your son, bringing his hand to run through soft curls.
“Hope he goes back to sleep soon. If he goes easy on us, we can make it another couple of hours.”
You emitted a soft groan in response. Just the thought was enough to make you cry. It's almost funny. You'd think that after spending years dedicated to vigilantism, you'd grown accustomed to the inconsistency of sleep and late nights. 'No,' you both had said, looking back on it with far too much conviction, 'it'll be a piece of cake'. It shouldn't have been a shock how quickly a bet was made to see how soon the two of you would crack. Alfred was the only one who seemed to hold an ounce of faith. But you've survived the past seven years (somehow). Quickly learning to be grateful for getting five hours every other night. You shifted your head to the side, catching a glimpse of Eli. Just like his parents, he's struggling to keep his eyes open. Seeing him fight the inevitable brings a loose grin to your lips.
“He shouldn't be too much longer, go back to bed, I got it,”
“Pfft, are you kidding? We’re supposed to face sleep deprivation together, remember… plus it’s still my night.” He replied, his eyes trailing over you.
Ignoring all of its cheesy cliché sentiments, he’s certain you look as beautiful as you did the day you met. Since then, he hasn’t viewed the world the same. The subtle glow of moonlight peaking through the windows highlights your features. His eyes traced down the slope of your nose, to the curve of your lips. Meeting you has always been his greatest achievement. Your focus was currently transfixed by your son in your arms. His hair was a shade of raven black, and had eyes that strikingly resembled yours.
“Just give up already, kid,” slipped past your lips with a pleading sigh and a soft, teasing tone. You placed a kiss atop their head, a hand continuing to run in soothing motions across his back. “He's so stubborn. Gets it from you, ya know.” Your words were spoken with the same unwavering tone as seconds before.
Anissa was easy, always sleeping through the night, never fussy. It's her fault you thought another kid would be a good idea. The middle child's always the trick baby.
“What? Name, like one time I've ever been stubborn.” Within seconds, your expression turned quizzical, lined with a combination of frustration. Or, of course, in Dick's own words, your ‘angry black mom face’.
“... actually, you don’t have to answer that.”
“I didn't think I had to, to begin with.”
Somewhere along the delicate silence, the battle amid sleep was lost. Eli’s soft snores filled the room alongside your breathing, and his grip on your shirt fell. The sight was always easy to get lost in, a tender smile spreading on your face. You loved these quiet moments, the family you've made, peacefully existing together.
“Annddd out like a light,” you murmured, voice low, trying not to disturb the tranquility of the room. “You think you can get him to bed?”
“Yeah, I got him.” He answered, rising from the mattress. An arm held stretched in the air, the other bent, leaving his fist to cover another yawn. Then, bending down to pick up the toddler from your arms, “I'll put him in his crib, try to get some sleep.”
When he walked out of the room, you pushed out a breath you hadn't realized you'd been holding in. Your eyes traveled down to the ring on your left hand. You tried to do as he said, to let your head hit the pillow and close your eyes. You hadn’t realized he'd joined you in bed until you felt the dip in the mattress.
You're not sure how much time has passed. You do, however, know you should be sleeping. God knows you need it. Instead, you were staring off at shadows dancing on the ceiling. It felt like a thousand and one thoughts were crowding your mind. All of the noise couldn't seem to fade. You tilted your head, letting your eyes wander across Dick's features. You see every touch and kiss. Every fight and struggle you’ve worked through. You see the man you will love until forever stops. There was an added warmth from his body lying close to yours. One you had long since claimed as the feeling of home. He was your home. He is home. You felt more than guilt. This was one of the only times he truly looked… at peace. Lying on his stomach, with an arm folded under the pillow.
“... are you sleeping?” You asked in a hushed whisper.
The sound of your voice pulls him back to an inch of consciousness, “Mhm, yeah, yeah, I'm still up.” His words were mumbled and drowsy. Eyes still closed shut.
“Do you ever, I don't know, miss it?” You wondered. The thought had always been there, hanging in the backdrop of your mind. Never having the time to give it a second glance.
A moment or two passed before your words fully registered. He lifted his head, keeping his eyes narrowed. His expression held notes of fatigue, combined with hints of perplexity.
“Miss, what exactly?” He pushed, looking for some type of clarification. A part of him felt as though he already knew the answer.
He wanted to be wrong, to give you the benefit of the doubt. Life is full of endless choices. All the decisions you've made have led you here. Stepping out, joining the Titans. You wouldn't be the person you are today if you had never put on that mask. You wouldn't have your husband. Who has shown you nothing but real, genuine love. You wouldn't have your kids, who have forever changed how you view the beauty of the world. You traded it all in the day you told him you were pregnant. For the past seven years, your responsibilities haven't fallen to the rest of the world. Your only job has been to take care of your kids, your family. That is who you are. You shifted against the sheets. Moving your back to the headboard after reaching over to flick on the lamp.
“You know, getting out there like we used to. The rush and the action and the bad guys with the stupid names.” Your head tilted back and eyes closed. Pushing out a longing sigh and basking in the nostalgia. A loose smile came into motion.
He flipped on his side, his forearm holding the weight of his upper body. His gaze was held to the sheets as the corner of his mouth lifted. The memories flooded in, his own wave of nostalgia washing over. A perfect blend of all the good and the bad and the ugly. He’d be the first to admit that he spent the best times of his life facing near-death. He owes the same sentiments to the mask, to his roles as Robin and Nightwing. He misses it, how could he not? By now, he mirrored your position with his arm propped up on a bent leg. A smirk plastered across his lips.
“Yeah, I mean, I won't lie, sometimes I think about how it would feel to get back out there, beating up the villain of the week.”
When his expression fell, reality hit. You weren’t blind to the endless sacrifices that came with the job. You witnessed every risk and danger firsthand. You carried the weight of knowing there are missions that could be your last. Those were chances you couldn't afford to take, not anymore. Not again.
“... Then I remember why we got out and who we did it for. I remember the life we have now, and that's all I need. I wouldn’t waste time trying to change that.”
Your entire life shifted after our oldest, Mari. The world turned technicolor the second you held her in your arms. Suddenly, you had a new mission, a new priority. At the end of the day, none of it changes. None of it will ever change. Behind your walls were words left unsaid. Hidden desires and longing, kept under the rug far away from even his view.
“I know, and I wouldn't change anything either. I love our life. I love our family, and I have everything I need right here.” You spoke with a truth of soft conviction. You reached out to place a hand on the cusps of his cheek, pulling him in far enough to place a gentle kiss on his forehead. Your lips lingered another moment more.
“Sorry for keeping you up.” Your words held a layer deeper to apologetic. You weren't keeping him up because of something like snoring. You were fantasizing about your past and going over everything you could lose in a heartbeat.
He could sense it, not as a detective but as your husband. It was subtle, but it was there—something he couldn't quite name,“I don't mind, you know you can always talk to me. We're always gonna be a half sexy team.”
“I know,” You nodded, keeping your tone leveled.
He's always had that ability to make you feel that everything can work out. That no matter what you face, you'll always end up on top. And you thought to yourself maybe, just maybe, this could work.
“Now, go to bed, you look like shit.” Tired wasn't the word. Even in the dim light, you can see dark spots under his eyes; his hair was longer and needed a trim.
“Aww you're so hot when you care about my well-being. If you'll excuse me, I need my beauty sleep.” The breath he lets out is obnoxious, flared with the dramatics that come with being a circus boy. The same calls for the way he rolls over and reshapes his pillow.
You let out a huff of air, rolling your eyes with no real fret of annoyance. Just before reaching out to flick the switch on the lamp. The room fell into darkness in a matter of seconds. The clock ticked further into the night. It was almost too easy for Dick to fall back to sleep. His body shifting against the sheets filled the silence for a few lingering moments.
You couldn't sleep, not even with the weight of exhaustion sitting on your shoulders. How could you? Not while harboring secrets from the man you'd made vows to. Not while you've broken promises.
You're coming back to the life you've given everything to distance yourself from.
