Haha I think I will not eat 😍😍😁☠️☠️☠️

I fear, my love, that this is the both of us settling in life. Knowing we’re so broken and fragile that the remnants of the past haunting us both will drive us forward somehow, in the darkest and scariest moments of our lives.

myfitnesspal more like myrelapsetracker 

We’re only sexual when I come onto you... I only come onto you when I drink. I know, I know it’s because you prefer someone present themself to you and be confident, but it’s just not natural me... at least not right now. Can I grow into that soberly?

help I logged my food for the day to shitbrag t o myself about my relapse in trying to restrict heavy but the beer I drank made up enough calories for maintenance weight

And just as I return, so do too the vices I wish I could absolve. But why? Don’t we have our vices?

The idea of you being able to cry with your mom feels so humanizing to me. I hope this feeling stays with me in times of doubt.

I’m lonely. I want to eat some good food.

I save every song he sends me so I can surprise him one day to sing along with his favorite songs and show off. I hope that’s more sweet than it is creepy but I want to make you smile

I wish I didn’t feel like such an inconvenience in all this.

I’m afraid to tell you the other night that I was piss drunk. I felt alive and real then, for once I had energy that you so desperately needed from me. I’m so sorry that I’m always so withering. I want to be more. I don’t want to drink to achieve that and I paid the day after with a migraine well deserved. Still, I feel this guilt.

But... how will I ever compare outside of the forefront? The engagement, the bliss of others in your public eye, when I am hidden away? I am stronger than you think- far more sturdy. But for your safety, you hide me away, and I abide. For my love of you, I deign it. Though I want for more, I still yet grasp for your comfort. I hope I can live up to my own grandiose desire. I would gladly show you off, despite being no one. Yet I can’t help but wonder, would someone find me worthy if I were someone? But I struggle to find myself and my worth. I know it comes from within but...

As I age, my love, I further see the truth of this world. Humanity and all of its desire... I aspire to love you and be better, truly But are we any better than the sum around us? Could we be better? My dear, how I desire to hold you in the midst of uncertainty.

If I could go back and tear the guts from both of us so that we would not have had to endure the fates to greet us now, I would. I love you so much that I would spare you all the despair haunting us. Like game to a hunting gun, we would only know the bliss in life until we met our fate.