‟ ┊ ᵀᴬᴵᴺᵀᴱᴰˑ

            being a teacher was a huge passion of his. & when he began working, it was fun. satsuki got to interact with all kinds of students & coworkers, he got to talk about his favorite subject daily & everyone listened to him quietly ( most of the time ). but there were a couple of things about this job that really weren’t all that pleasant, like working on christmas or having to deal with students way past his work time. 

            but, in the end, he did enjoy helping them anyway. even if so many of the girls stayed after classes just to give him a gift or confess that they liked him. it was nice, but they were just girls… it’s not like he could return their feelings, right? well, for most part, that was true.

            so when one of his students, shiro, walked up to him, he immediately suspected that she would be one of those girls. but he couldn’t judge too quickly. maybe she really did just need help. hopefully.

            ❛ i see, i see! of course i can help you, shiro. sit down, i’ll try to explain whatever you need me to. ❜ he didn’t think that history would be that hard to understand that the lesson would need to be repeated, but every person took in different information, so maybe history just didn’t go well for the girl. plus, she was a special case. his coworkers told him that she didn’t know as much as the others, & that she was trying to catch up. maybe that was just a rumour, though.

            ❛ so, could you tell me which part you didn’t understand? or is it the whole lesson? it can’t be, you’re a smart girl. ❜

If only. The sort of compliment given fell on ears who had heard too many lies, but Shiro was at least polite, so she forces a smile at his words. Subjects in school were always so tough, but Ganta had always been there for any extra help. What would she do though, if he were to disappear suddenly ? The thought had been plaguing her for days. An injured woodpecker who relied on others was a useless one, after all. 

“ The whole lesson was blurry. I don’t really get why we’re writing something on a person who killed many, too. Isn’t it looked down on when you kill someone ? ” Or so she was under the impression. “ It’s nice to learn...but Shiro doesn’t know why they’re admirable...it’s weird..., ” if not a little backwards. Shiro was aware it was a question that was more than what he might be capable of answering, but she needed to understand. With the history of Japan and the many wars they reviewed in their textbooks, Shiro’s thoughts were starting to come to a morbid and disheartening conclusion. No matter the second chance she had been given and no matter how much love Ganta attempted to shower her in, one thing was certain. Humans were still disgusting in the end. 

❛   wait, really? y’ain’t never head of disney?   ❜

…what an odd thing to confess. madotsuki had known people who’d never watched it in their childhood like herself, or people who refused to watch disney movies for their fear of seeming too mainstream, though someone who never knew of it to begin with? how odd. swinging back and forth and gathering petals in the tips of her hair which reaches the ground, madotsuki thought quietly with a soft hum. looking back to the stranger, she tilted her head.

❛   they’re a film company. really popular. i think they’re technically the most popular of them all… you’ve really never watched any of them? not even the old ones?   ❜

The question isn’t one that’s difficult in answer, but she still finds herself hesitating to voice anything. Normalcies such as movies, outings, dates -- they were foreign to her, things she’d never sought out to experience before. But hearing her ask, as if it’s odd she hasn’t seen those sorts of movies, makes Shiro feel flustered. Hands fist up the fabric of her skirt, and she averts her gaze to avoid the mild panic beginning to build. There was always a distance she was careful to keep between her and others, yet she was struggling to keep it now. 

“ No...there wasn’t much of anything to watch back home, ” except carnival rides and dog races between prisoners. Watching television wasn’t a past time. 

“ Do they all have pretty songs like the one you sang right now ? ” she ventures. “ Shiro wouldn’t mind hearing more. ”

Pretty girls wear dresses, and jewelry. Pretty girls love flowers, and twirling; not a hair ever out of place, and definitely gentle to all their friends. Pretty girls never smell like death, or bare stains where blood once was. They don’t bare scars on their body, and feel no pain when their flesh is ripped to pieces. Pretty girls are delicate, and loved, and it’s what Shiro is desiring to be, if even a little today.

Many of the other girls in G ward bare some sort of femininity, and Shiro finally has a hunch to what it might be. She thinks it’s in the earrings they wear, since she’s never seen boys adorn them; it’s something unique to them only, just like Red, who’s ears were decorated with so many. Every time Shiro had been with her, there was an urge there to reach out and touch ( to feel ). But well... they weren’t really friends yet were they...maybe today if she asked nicely, the other girl would be able to help her get some earrings of her own ? She could finally be like Minatsuki and Chaplin if it happened ! They were very close to princesses in her eyes, at least. 

“ Red ! Reeed ! Let’s go play, Shiro has a game ! ” When she goes to call for her later, innocent words echo loudly through the deserted hallways, even before Red’s door is reached. Shiro hums loudly a lullaby with no real rhythm, and she lightly knocks once she reaches what she thinks is Red’s room minutes later. It would be so much fun if she agreed to it ! Who knew how many she’d be able to collect. Like the scars that graced her body all over, these would be permanent too.

It’s funny ----- Wonderland, despite the atrocities that had occurred within it’s walls, had always been a place where Shiro could rest. It constantly suffocated, and isolated, but above all, it protected; aceman was by her side always in the past. Whether her body fell apart or her heart ached because of Ganta, aceman would be there to sing her a lullaby. Shiro would sleep with so many worries, and she’d wake the next time without a single fear left. Aceman had saved her once again. 

But out here, in the world where wonderland didn’t exist, things were painful, and scary -- they were unpredictable, and it made Shiro go crazy at times. She was quiet, because she preferred to blend in, and she covered up so people didn’t ask about her scars. They were apparent to those with a critical eye, and on the off chance someone did happen to see them, Shiro ignored as much as she could. Her world wasn’t closed off anymore, but she felt like a bystander in her own life. Most days she simply went through the motions without much thought, though she really really desired to do more. 

Despite her effort to come off friendlier when she ventured out, it still felt unnatural knowing her flaws were out for everyone to see. It’s why when she was at school especially, she kept to herself. She’d only interact with teachers once all the students had left, and it’s what she’d been attempting now, considering she understood nothing about the previous lesson. Shiro hadn’t wanted attention drawn by raising her hand, but would he get upset by her waiting until now ? She didn’t much care if he did, really. 

“ Uhm -- Sensei. I...need help. Or, the lesson explained again. Shiro didn’t understand a lot of it. ” 

❛   ♫ gotta strut them city streets, showin’ off my eclat, yeah. tellin’ my friends of the social elite, or some cute cat I happen to meet~ ♫   ❜

taking up handfuls of blossoms and allowing them to shower gracefully over the stranger, madotsuki turned and held onto the branch, hooking her knees over the wood and allowing herself to plummet backwards. bandaged hands curled and stiffened at the hem of her skirt to keep it in place as she swung upside-down. something about this stranger’s expression told madotsuki that she would be easy to enthrall, and everyone deserved to be showered with flower petals and sung a nice song from time to time. please pardon the lengthy braid that landed on the other’s head as well.

❛   it’s just from a movie, eh? the aristocats, haven’t you seen it? old disney movie, cute one too.   ❜

Like a moth to a flame, there’s a comforting warmth in the antics of this stranger, and Shiro finds herself being drawn in closer. This song is not the lullaby she’s always been used to, but it’s still beautiful to her ears, and her heart dances when she attempts to hum back in sync. There’s a small moment taken where her eyes simply close, immersing herself in this sensation that draws out a giggle. She’s lost and alone now as she begins to sway excitedly with the next words, but then there’s a bump atop her head from another braid. Funny -- she hadn’t even noticed the girl swing down and spread more of those petals. It takes her a second before she realizes she’s being spoken to as well. 

“ I ---- I don’t know what disney is really...what is it, exactly ? ”