latchkey fail lord

feel guilty for feeling this way but this isn't what I was told I was signing up for. this isn't it.

think im gonna lock myself in the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror for way too long later. probably gonna shower and exfoliate my entire body until it bleeds afterward.

not being wanted physically fucking hurts now, I can feel it underneath my skin trying to rend me apart

feel like im only alive to work, to do, to think. I don't know how long I can hold up like this

i don't want anything from you i just want to make you feel good and if i can't then im useless, pointless. i'm sorry you have to give me meaning. i wish i were different.

what if lust didn't make me ashamed and horrified at my own body. that'd be cool.