A Life Less Ordinary

I get this recurring feeling so often, that there's so much I’m going to miss out on. Even given my whole life, there’s so many things that I likely won't live to see. I’m learning to be happy in the now, and to take life as it comes. I’m learning to really be in the moment and appreciate what I have, but there's so much to do and see beyond the scope of my life.

Okay, so it’s been a while.

Initially when i set up this blog I was in a very dark place, and as I’ve recovered, then lost, then recovered, then lost, and finally somewhat recovered my sanity I’ve posted less and less frequently. I’ve been busy living my life, and for the most part enjoying it. I’ve come from someone who couldn’t bear the thought of another minute of living, to someone who actually refers to himself as an optimist. Writing that out still kinda blows my mind, but its true.

So why am I back on here? Well, however infrequently I’ve posted, I’ve always found comfort in writing here in those times when it all goes to shit, and I guess a normal person would call the large part of the year out as such. I’ll probably write in more detail about these things, but right now I’ll sum up. 

My contract at the job I’ve had for 3 years is coming to an end, and so are those of about 7 other members of a team that were told how valuable they were less than 24 hour prior. I’ve been a hard worker, not out of any dedication to such things, but primarily out of a willingness to do stuff rather than sit and do nothing. Obviously this has left me at a loose end, but I will survive.

Earlier in the year, my nana passed away. She’d been ill for a while but it was still a shock. Having seen people dying both slow and fast at this point I’m hard pressed to tell you which one is more bearable, and this one did fuck us up, particularly my little brother. It’s been hard.

But I’d like to end here on a positive. Since June of this year I have been meditating daily. It’s difficult to cut through the bullshit, but when you do there is a lot of scientific evidence for it. If you trust my opinion (which you likely do if you’re reading this), it is a practice that is well worth your time. I don’t think I would have dealt nearly as well with these troubles as I have this year without it.

It’s strange how ones circumstances of birth affects one. The way a person is perceived and treated throughout their life is indelibly part of their character, and there’s very little - if nothing - that one can do about it. These things only become apparent in strange moments of clarity or comparison, like asking what colour a dress is, only to find out that your experience of the world around you may be fundamentally different to someone else’s.