Enter My World of Cities...

website called http://whenwillmydogdie.com where you put in a picture of your dog, the dog's age, and location, and then the website does a bunch of fake calculations before presenting you with a one hour countdown

ending a social interaction with a friend and thinking "I think we grew a little bit closer today." in my head as if I'm a dating game protagonist

the worst part of summer is that people get sooo comfortable expressing their disgust at having to see other people’s bodies. they’re always complaining about wrinkly old men at the nude hot springs or fat women in bikinis at the beach. I hate that shit. if you’re not capable of being normal about bodies you personally don’t find attractive, just turn your head to look at something else! and if you’re not smart enough to do that, then at least do the rest of us the courtesy of suffering in silence, because we don’t wanna hear your weird comments. thanks.

my sexual tantasy Is to have someone notice my absence and wonder about me

don't want to sound like a perv, but i'd like to know how you are and how was your day

youre gonna love this bro. its called settings

theres a new villain roaming around new york that has all the powers of a tapir. give me an hour or two im gonna go google what the fuck tapirs do ill let you know if we need to be scared

OK it seems if you are fruits or berries this is really really bad news for you otherwise youre fine

inexpertly gives you a noobjob

I just had sex with hello neighbor.