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As he navigates the battlefield he meets Wei Wuxians eyes, it's only a moment but it makes him stop dead in his tracks. He doesn’t look like he’s even been in a fight, save for the way he is breathing in a deep controlled manner. Only the sudden look of panic on Wei Wuxians face breaks him out of his momentary stupor. With a jolt and graceless stumble he turns out of the way of a downward swing. He's too slow and adrenaline pours through his veins. Hyper aware he feels the fine silk of his ribbon split. The weight of it falls from his hair leaving him feeling naked and exposed. He doesn’t have time to think about it or to retrieve it as he re-engages in the battle around him. When night falls, his ribbon is nowhere to be found. He will ask for a new one. Lan Qiren will not be happy. Lan Wangji will not ask Wei Wuxian if he knows where it is. Wei Wuxian takes great pains to ensure that the stitches are even and neat as he sews Lan Wangjis forehead ribbon back together. Absently he runs his thumb and forefinger over the gold clouds and wishes the man himself were here for some company. Wei Wuxian would play a joke on him, or tease him. He’d do anything to ignore the whispers around him, the noise in his head. He’s of little to no use to Jiang Cheng now. Without his golden core, and the center of attention, Wei Wuxian is causing more harm than good by staying by Jiang Chengs side. He made a promise though and he won't break that. He can’t. He does. Hold up in his cave he draws the ribbon out of his inner robe and stares at it long into the night. He hadn’t stayed long enough to know what Lan Wangji had thought about his behavior or intentions at Koi Palace. He doesn’t dwell on it now. He is doing what is right. He knows that deep down. He only hopes his brother and sister can forgive him and that Lan Wangji won’t hate him. Jiang Cheng comes up with a plan. It’s a bad plan, they both know it. But it's the best they can do. It’s the best way he can protect the Yunmeng Jiang Clan and the remnants of the Wen clan. With tears in his eyes he tucks himself away in the darkness of his cave and cradles the ribbon close to his heart. It’s hard, harder than he thought it would be to walk this single log bridge. When he runs into Lan Wangji in Yiling with A-Yuan he can’t help but smile. Finally something good. Something happy. Something pure. He can barely bring himself to stop A-Yuans crying, Lan Wangji looks unfathomably uncomfortable and it twists his heart with delight to see it. His eyes say he wants to comfort the child, the tension in his body says he wants to run. Grinning, he interrupts. It all goes smoothly, until it doesn’t. The panic that seizes him would be crippling if he hadn’t had so much practice at pushing it down, fighting it back. Lan Wangji follows him and takes A-Yuan and so he rushes ahead; he has work to do. When Lan Wangji goes he is sad, sadder than he has been in a long time. He feels lonely. A-Yuan seems sad too, so he does his best to cheer him up as they make their way back up the mountain. The celebration is nice and he drinks too much which makes the loneliness worse when he stumbles into his cave and trips on half finished projects.  He collapses on his stone bed and curls up under the tattered blankets he keeps. Half awake and humming his fingers seek out the familiar silk band and curl around it as though it were his only life line. The anchor that keeps him from floating away from himself and his body. “Xian-gege” A-Yuan wakes him. He bats the boy's hands away and mumbles into his arm. “Xian-gege, what is that?” Slowly Wei Wuxian peels his eyes open and looks around. “What?” “That?” A-Yuan asks, pointing at the ribbon as he crawls up into Wei Wuxians bed. It’s not even light out and his head is splitting open. “It’s a ribbon. It’s very special.” “Special? Why? What does it do?” “I’ll tell you only if you promise to lay down and go back to bed.” “Okay, gege.” “It’s special because it belongs to a precious friend of mine and when I hold on to it it reminds me of him. He’s very strong and it makes me feel safe to think about him when I hold it. That's a secret. Just between you and me little Radish. Now come here and go back to sleep.” A-Yuan does not go right to sleep; he pushes too close to Wei Wuxian  and trembles. It doesn't take a genius to know he's scared of the ghosts and the noises and the dark. So, he pulls the boy closer and wraps him safely in his arms and lets him hold onto the ribbon too before he hums them both back to sleep. Bleeding and delirious Lan Wangji stumbles from Bichen onto the barren charred remains of the Burial mounds. His robes tug at the wounds on his back and every movement threatens to reopen the barely formed scabs further. Desperately he looks into the darkness for any sign of Wei Wuxian. There is nothing. He stumbles blindly over corpses and rubble, over uprooted vegetable gardens and gravestones until he can’t tell where he is. Still there is no sign of life. There is no sign of Wei Wuxians corpse. Defeated he stumbles half blind from silent tears up the crumbling stairs that lead into the Demon Slaughtering Cave. Barely inside he falls to his knees, his fingers brush against the dirt and stone of the floor as he lets them guide him deeper. He is too weak to keep standing, too dizzy. So he crawls. He must have missed something. There must be some sign of Wei Wuxian here. Some sign that his Wei Ying had survived.  A whimper breaks through the howling wind and stiff thunk thunk of corpse footsteps outside. Without a second thought he lights a talisman. He squints reflexively, his eyes too long adjusted to the dark. The sight before him cuts his soul deeply, there is nothing left of his heart to shield it. A-Yuan is curled into a ball on the far side of the cave wrapped in the tatters of what must have once been blankets. Wei Wuxians blankets form the bed beside him. The child is hiding and Lan WangJi knows he cannot leave him here, so he crawls forward on hands and knees until he is beside him. He doesn’t care that his clothes are ruined, he can’t be bothered. He tries to speak, to say the boy's name but he can’t say anything at all. Instead he scoops him up against his chest and hisses at the way it pulls his shoulders. He ignores the sticky mess that spreads hotly down his back and weeps into the boy's hair. The talisman burns out. Lan Wangji does not light it again. He is in seclusion, but Lan Xichen breaks the rules for him. He uses flowery words and arguments to justify it. He has to, as clan leader anything less would be inappropriate. Today he gets to see Lan Sizhui. A-Yuan. The little boy who pretends to be a radish in the garden when he plays. A-Yuan, the boy whom Wei Wuxian had loved. This week he will stay with Lan Wangji while Lan Xichen is at Koi Tower with Jin Guanyao and Nie Mengjue.  It is just past nine in the evening and despite being tired Lan Wangji is unable to sleep. It seems that A-Yuan cannot either. Sitting up, Lan Wangji looks over at the boy who seems to be trembling. It’s only been two weeks and neither of them has forgotten the stench of the mountain or the way the wind howling in the trees carried the same melodies that Wei Wuxian had played. It was some eerie poorly executed symphony, a mock comparison to the real thing. He stands silently from his bed and walks over to check on the boy. Is he having a nightmare? If so, what should he do about it? How does he help? He doesn’t remember what his caretakers did. Did they do anything at all? What he sees takes his breath away and he stands frozen in shock. A looming ghost in the Jingshi, a statue, a corpse. He doesn’t know how much time has passed before he comes back to himself but the moon has shifted and A-Yuan is looking at him with fear in his eyes. His bottom lip trembles and he tries to hide the ribbons in his hand. One is nearly the pristine white of the Gusu Lan sect and the other is a faded and rough around the edges crimson ribbon. Both stand in mockery of what they once were. A-Yuan cries. “ A-Yuan,” He hates the way his voice cracks. He takes a breath and steadies himself before kneeling down. “May I see?” A-Yuan stares up at him and very quietly says, “It’s a secret. Xian-gege said so.” His heart is breathing too quickly in his chest all the while it feels like there is a stone sinking in his gut. “I’m sure he did. But that one looks just like mine.” He manages to keep his voice calm and steady. A-Yuan doesn’t look convinced so he reaches up and unties his own ribbon before holding out for the boy to examine. A-Yuan reaches out and reverently picks it up. He had been told not to touch anyone elses ribbon and didn’t have his own yet. That was an ongoing battle. “Oh.” He says in the smallest voice. “You were the friend that made Xian-gege feel safe.” Lan Wangji swallows the whimper that tries to force its way up his throat and nods instead. “Do you know the song he always hummed for me? Please, can you hum it too?” He looks at the boy with uncertainty. What song? A-Yuan is already tearing up again and he panics.What would Wei Ying do? He reaches out and stumbles as A-Yuan collides with his chest. He picks the boy up and carries him back to his bed. He hums. He hums the first song that comes to mind, the one transcribed on his heart and engraved on his bones. He feels A-Yuan relax in his arms and his breathing begins to steady. It’s only after it has settled into the deep relaxed breathing of sleep that Lan Wangji finally places him down and covers him with the downy blanket. With unsteady hands he removes the ribbons from the boys smaller ones, leaving his own in their place for now. The icy air is a welcome reprieve as he stumbles against the railing. With only the moon and wind for company he lets the tears slide down his cheeks.After a while he plays inquiry softly. He expects no answer. He plays anyway. Eventually he plays Wangxian without any conscious thought. There are three people in the world who know it, and one of them is dead. He lets the last note ring in the air before he takes up the ribbons again. Absently he knots the ribbons together into a chain. He clutches it tightly in his hand. In the morning he must give it back to A-Yuan. It's all he has left of Wei Wuxian, and A-Yuan is all Lan Wangji has. He vows that A-Yuan will be safe. He will be loved. And most importantly Lan Wangji will always be there for him. This way he might ease some of the regret he harbors in his heart. Epilogue Wei Wuxian is grateful. He leans against Lan Wangjis chest and watches as Sizhui and Jingyi practice their swords. He wears a new ribbon in his hair, scarlet and bright. “Full of life, like you.” Lan Zhan had told him one night.There had been something dark in his expression and Wei Wuxian had spent the night kissing it away. Today his eye catches on something. He hadn’t paid too much attention to Sizhuis sword before but today the light hits it just right. There’s something glinting on the lanyard of his saber. “Sizhui, come here.” He calls out and waves the boy over. Obedient as ever he approaches puzzlement all over his face. “Xian-gege?” He asks, it had only taken him months to revert to using the name. Wei Wuxian smiles. “Let me have a look at your sword.” He says already reaching for it. He feels Lan Wangji shift and turn to take his hand so he ducks away stealing the blade from Sizhui and grins at the both of them. He only needed a moment to see what it was. A knotted forehead ribbon of the Lan sect wound with a faded scarlet ribbon. He examines it more closely, feeling along the ribbon until he comes across what he is looking for. Painstakingly performed stitches connected two parts of the ribbon. Smiling, he returns the saber to Sizhui. “The lanyard is interesting. Who made it for you?” Sizhui looks confused before he takes the lanyard in hand and looks at it. “Hánguāng-jūn. But I don’t remember where the pieces came from. I’ve always had it.” “I see. I see. Good, go on, back at it and remember the sword is an extension of your arm.” “Are you going to practice with us today?” Sizhui asks with a smile as he starts back towards Jingyi. “Soon.” He says waving the boy off. Lan Wangji won't meet his eyes and the tips of his ears have turned a delightful pink. Wei Wuxian approaches like a cat about to catch a mouse. MIschevious and playful he looks up at his husband and tugs at his forehead ribbon.“I guess you know where that ribbon went then.” Lan Wangji simply nods. “Thank you Lan Zhan. I’m grateful he had you.” Lan Wangji smiles the barest amount before leaning down and kissing Wei Wuxian fiercely. It's a moment of sincerity and peace in the chaos of their lives.“Hey!” Jingyi shouts at them, “That's against the rules!” “So is yelling.” Wei Wuxian calls out as he breaks away and jumps down into the courtyard to give chase, Lan Wangjis forehead ribbon wound firmly around his hand and his hair spilling loose around his shoulders.