Bite Me

i just walked past 2 construction dudes and one of em just said “i don’t think they’re right-handed or left-handed. they’re just dogs.”

boy, i sure enjoy watching sports. when they throw the ball? classic

pretending to be sober at convenience stores

*goes to a party and awkwardly follows friend around the entire time*

*goes to a family reunion and awkwardly follows mom around the entire time*

do u ever just cup your own boob

what do u mean “4 minute shower” it takes me 4 minutes to get the water to the right temperature smh

 Aaron Paul on His South African Safari

if tumblr university was a thing i wouldn’t hesitate to set it on fire 

I wouldn’t hesitate to deduce who did it, burn your dead bones after I kill you, and travel in my Tardis to do my homework at the university, so I could take as long as I want.

thug life more like ugh life

why the hell do babies cry after they shit themselves like u got urself into this mess buddy dont make it everyone else’s problem. like have some fuckin responsibility for once

I have never hard those terms before. Fascinating 

These are just the top ten, I got over 300 questions and learned more slang terms for penis than I ever imagined could exist.