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My art book won't be here for a minute, but I ran some screenshots I saw on twt through an image translator and have a lot of thoughts:
TILL: Despite claiming to hate everyone in the world, Till ranks Ivan at 70% intimacy even as he identifies perturbing behaviors of Ivan's going back years and refers to him as "a bother". He also ranks Sua at 10% in spite of having little to say about her and finding it uncomfortable to be around her.
Though he postures at being misanthropic and has all the manners you'd expect of a boy who was half off at the human child pound, he's actually quite gentle and sensitive. This is reflected in one of the graduation messages he's left by a classmate as well:
The person he feels closest to is an unattainable crush, and someone who doesn't feel that close with him in return, likely because he's too shy to really approach her or carry on a conversation.
MIZI: That's Mizi, of course, who's rather childlike and naive initially. She likes everyone, but since Till chokes when he tries to speak to her and often keeps his distance, she wonders if he's avoiding her because he dislikes her.
Mizi gravitates towards people who she sees as "perfect", which is how she describes Ivan and Sua in her graduation message to Ivan:
She doesn't see the darker side of Ivan's personality (which has been described on several occasions, even by himself, as "twisted") because he's attractive, successful, and helpful to her.
Though she likes everyone, Sua is her "God", and the only thing that can keep them apart is the tragedy of their situation, which forces Mizi to grow up in a brutally painful way.
SUA: Sua is far less idealistic and naive than Mizi, and has clearly thought about sacrificing herself to save Mizi, since Ivan picks on her for thinking of doing so in an official comic. Accordingly, her feelings about Mizi are far more tinged by the knowledge that they will one day be torn apart by external circumstances. She laments that reciprocating her feelings will one day cause Mizi great pain.
She's always been more somber, and despite her surface similarities to Ivan (which he notes in a follow-up comic wherein he realizes he was wrong about Sua's feelings for Mizi being unrequited), she's quite different on the inside. Sua's more sensitive and thus her colder exterior serves to protect her, whereas Ivan's outward persona creates an illusion of normalcy that doesn't reflect his reality.
Sua views Ivan and Till as a threat and a nuisance, respectively. Like Till, she senses something strange about Ivan, and when it comes to Till, it's just one person too many around for her. This is fascinating to me, because I thought she might pity Till! Her feelings about Ivan were already pretty clear from this panel of the 'piggyback' comic, and she seems deeply hurt in the first comic linked by his prodding.
IVAN: For his part, Ivan is fascinated by Till even though he's content to sit back and observe, pestering him to get a reaction or his attention for a brief time. He doesn't expect anything in return but wants more than anything to be on Till's mind (hence behaviors like stealing Till's belongings and returning them to him, pretending he had found them).
He prefers Sua to Mizi despite his awareness that Sua doesn't particularly like him, seeing her as a sister and even telling her she's "twisted" like he is. He likes Mizi well enough, especially her sincerity, but seems to find her optimism a bit much at times.
The fact that Mizi and the others would likely consider Ivan and Mizi quite close while Ivan does not reflects how much he postures even in his closest relationships. He struggles to connect with those he's most compelled by and it's not clear if he really wants to.
Some Ivantill thoughts before I go:
There seems to be a common sentiment that it's tragic Till was unable to see how much Ivan loved him, and I think we'll likely get more of Till's perspective on Ivan and their relationship in round 7. But it may not be the case that Ivan even wanted his true feelings to be seen, or would have known what to do if Till had reciprocated them.
There's something almost voyeuristic and self-negating in his feelings for Till (see: "I canāt reach you, so I imagine alone/You who shines, I stand next to you" from 'Black Sorrow'). He has far more self-awareness and willingness to accept things as they are than Till, who doesn't see that Mizi only has eyes for Sua and who would likely struggle to accept that reality.
Ivan, on the other hand, is well aware that his feelings for Till are "shallow", a bright fantasy to get him through his dark reality, and he seems to sincerely believe that his death won't scar Till because he's never really broken through to him. He's a schemer, and comments he makes in his graduation message to Till and the interview he gives in advance of round 6 suggest that he may have been planning to sacrifice himself for some time.
Part of me wonders if he hoped it would leave a mark on Till. Choking, kissing, and violently sacrificing oneself are all aggressive, forward acts, especially from someone who used to toy with people to get his kicks but was otherwise quite passive and unfeeling.
There are a lot of parallels in the one-sided loves, like Till acting out of his usual character for Mizi, and Ivan doing the same because of Till, putting all hopes of being saved in something just out of reach, staying in chains for that one special person. But Ivan's psychology is quite different from Till's, and in fact closest to Luka's re: low or no empathy. Both Ivan and Till are significantly traumatized by their upbringings but Ivan's difficult early life in the slums and his experience being dangled off that rooftop seem to have damaged his ability to connect to others or feel much of anything.
Till is the first person for whom he feels anything while for Till, Mizi is an early crush he puts on a pedestal in a much more commonplace way. I think the shared trauma of competing on that stage makes it much more difficult for either of them to imagine moving on, but Ivan is not wrong in identifying that he won't find that feeling again.
The thing that intrigues me most about this series is the way the contestants' differences play out, particularly with regard to how they view love and how they respond to their individual and shared challenges. I'd love to get into it further another time but this is quite long already so thanks for sticking with it if any have (haha)
Alastor's side: Season 1 Episode 2, Stayed Gone Close Reading
So in s102 Radio Killed the Video Star, we first see how Al reacts to enemies he doesn't care about, aka Sir Pentious.
When Sir Pentious shows up to his pet project with a giant death machine, tries to kill him and blows the walls off his establishment, he pretends he doesn't remember him, and beats him and his death machine up while laughing. He's not bothered at all, until Pentious rips his coat. Even after that, he brushes it off.
When Vox talks a bit of shit about him, here's his immediate reaction:
(cutting off the full smile because that's his default expression)
Alastor's feelings are always in his eyes, and that expression is definitely not the unbothered look he had when Sir Pentious blew up his establishment and tried to kill him. Nope. That's angry and legitimately bothered.
What was Vox saying that set him off?
(Warning this is really long and really detailed)
The whole thing is a duet, a paired set of verses that echo each other deliberately. Taking it line by line:
Well, Stayed Gone starts out with the line "I'm gonna make you wish that you'd stayed gone", which Alastor replies to with "I'm gonna make you wish that I'd stayed gone." The meaning of the two is subtle, but raises interesting implications. Vox is staying "I'm gonna make you regret coming back". Alastor is saying "I'm gonna make you miserable".
Then Vox says "Say hello to a new status quo", which Alastor replies to with "Your status quo will know its race is run". Vox is trying to put the message out there that "things are different now". Alastor replies "That different world you've made is going to come crumbling down".
Then, Vox goes on a tirade. He calls Alastor a "has-been", "a fossil", etc., basically trying to convey that Alastor is "part of the past". He tries to build himself up, and says "He should have stayed away". Then we cut to Alastor on the line "while he hid in radio, we pivoted to video".
Basically Vox's whole point he's trying to make is "I'm over you. You're lame and I don't care about you". It might not be insignificant that he says "We pivoted to video". It's actually on the words "WE pivoted" that Alastor has that glare expression.
And Vox's next line "Hell's been better since he split, now he's back, who gives a shit". Now obviously, this is bullshit. Vox says this while giving the most obvious shit in the universe. But still, Vox's intended message to Alastor in his first half of the song is "I don't want you around. I have a new life, you'd hardly recognize me, I'm so fine, how could a person like you bring me joy", that kind of vibe.
So it's interesting that Alastor then proceeds to do the exact same thing. Something people don't mention a lot about Stayed Gone is that Alastor's verses are a reflection of Vox's. It's easy to assume that Vox starts this beef because he cares too much. But Alastor then proceeds to echo his verses.
As if he feels the exact same way.
He has a bunch if paired lyrics. Let's look at em side by side.
VOX: Top of the hour, and we're discussing a certain has-been
Who has been spotted cavorting around town/After a seven-year absence. Did anybody miss him? Did anybody notice?
ALASTOR: Salutations, good to be back on the air. Yes, i know it's been a while since someone with style treated hell to a broadcast.
So Vox's insult is "you're a has-been and nobody cares that you've been gone". Alastor's first rebuttal is "you have no style" . They mirror each other's medium-style greetings, then proceed to loudly insult each other with "I don't need you loser".
Vox: So, the radio demon is back in town/Why is he hanging around?/ What does that mean for your family?/ Well handily, I've got good news/ He's a loser, a fossil and I don't mean to sound hostile
Alastor: Sinners rejoice! Instead of a clout-chasing mediocre video podcast...
So they then trade insults about each other's mediums, with the gist of Vox's still being "he's a loser" (There's that Word Again. "Loser Baby", "Show me you're not a loser", archetypal much?) and he's a part of the past. Aka. MY past.
Vox: But the demon is a coward!/You can take that as gospel
Alastor: Is Vox insecure (note: Everybody in the audience: YES.) Pursuing allure?
Followed by Vox calling Alastor a coward and Alastor calling Vox "insecure". Interestingly, I wonder if that insult hits Alastor quite as hard? Like, he did run away at the first sign of real trouble with Adam. I wonder if he feels that way some times.
Vox: Pulling my viewers? Impossible!/'m visual, he's barely audible/Stop givin' him the time of day/Don't listen to a word he'd say/I hope he had a nice vacay/But he should've stayed away
Alastor: Flitting between this fad and that, is nothin' working?/ /Every day, he's got a new format
Vox declares that Alastor won't "pull his viewers" and Alastor makes fun of his 'new format' and 'flitting between different fads'; typical of their 'new vs old' battle.
Then we get into the real meat of the whole thing.
Vox: While he hid in radio/We pivoted to video/Now his medium is gettin' bloody rare
Alastor: Is Vox as strong as he purports/Or is it based on his support? He'd be powerless without the other Vees
It's probably VERY important that "we pivoted to video" is paired up with Alastor's jab about "The Other Vees". Vox tells him "I've got a we, I've got a new team" and Alastor throws out for the first time his meaningless insult that he'd "be powerless without the other Vees", which is a wound he loves to smack all the time. Like, over and over again. He really has a hangup about Vox 'needing' Vel and Val, even though we know for a fact knows Vox is capable of becoming the strongest sinner in hell without them.
Why is Alastor so fixated on mocking Vox for needing Vel and Val? This dig isn't even to make him abandon them and become the strongest since he wasn't planning that at this point.
Then here's this exchange:
Vox: Hell's been better since he split/Where's he been?/Who gives a shit!
Alastor: And here's the sugar on the cream/He asked me to join his team/I said no, and now he's pissy, that's the tea
So this is interesting. Vox's message in this bar pairing was "Who gives a shit about you". Alastor's response is "You do. Remember? You asked me. You need me."
I think what sets Alastor off here, then, adding all these points up, why he says this, is that Vox tries to claim that he's over him and doesn't care that he's back. I mean, obviously that's not true, but we know that Alastor's biggest trigger is being ignored. It's the only thing that really upsets him, other than being in real danger. And obviously Vox isn't ignoring him. HE's the only one who actually gives a shit that he's back.
But he's trying to pretend he can. He's saying publicly "he's a fossil, there's a new status quo, we pivoted to video, who gives a shit". And I don;t think Alastor can even deal with Vox PRETENDING to be over him.
His entire message is "You're not over me. You're nothing without me. you need me. Don't ever forget you wanted me." ("You still need me like you did before" from the reprise, mm?)
Based on this I think it's safe to say that Alastor would not be happy if Vox ever actually got over him. He doesn't want Vox to ever get over him. He kinda feeds on all that attention (I'm not the first person to point that out). Even Vox trying ti imply that he's moved on prompts him to publicly out Vox for once wanting him. Whether it's about control or about twisted love. Al wants everyone and especially Vox to remember: You are never getting over me.
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Now featuring Riku's Way to Dawn keyblade w/ new quote! Also changed Axel's and Ven's quotes to something more significant to their characters than the originals.
BIG NEWS!
These are all available as stickers and keychains on my New Shop! Along with the Chain of Memories cards I drew way back when. I'm so excited to finally have a shop that sells these the way I always imagined them but never had the ability to make on my own. More will be added to the shop soon!
Super thanks to everyone that has ever enjoyed my art, Kingdom Hearts or otherwise, and Happy New Year!
So we all know the "No one would miss me"/"I would" exchange, it's tragic and amazing, but what gets me is how passive aggressive and specifically targeted it is to make Axel suffer. This is not (or not just) Roxas saying he thinks Axel doesn't care about him. This comment is not motivated by external propaganda about Nobodies. This comes very specifically from their relationship.
Because if you look in Days - especially I think in the first half? - there's a frequent pattern where Roxas goes "thinking about this event is making me feel this feeling" and Axel. Oh Axel. He immediately goes: "no you're not". Like he is - in his personal tone of voice - very insistent that Roxas is not feeling, that that's impossible, and gives multiple other reasons why he only thinks he's feeling something.
The one that stands out most even parallels this exact situation! Roxas thought Axel was dead, and he expressed how he was worried, and Axel's like "you can't be worried. We're nobodies."
(of course then he immediately contradicts himself by talking about sorting out his feelings, but I think we all kinda knoe Axel's something of a hypocrite and also desperately in denial)
But the point is he's spent all this time saying he knows better and contradicting/denying Roxas' statements about his own experience!
So now here's Roxas, talking about the possibility of his death, saying: So what if I die? That can't make you feel anything, that's impossible for us. That's what you're always telling me, right?
And doesn't that have to sting for Axel? Having his own words thrown back in his face? Just one more of his actions that has caused his own problems?
So he's not just denying Roxas' s statement. He's finally admitting - to Roxas, to himself, to the universe - that he was wrong. That it was all a lie.
Roxas was always saying that he was feeling something, and Axel was always denying it. Now Roxas is playing along, parroting Axel's statements, while Axel is the one fighting for acknowledgement of his feelings. And it's awful.
"No one would miss me." / "That's not true. I would."
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but also alastor being demisexual/demiromantic exclusively for vox fills me with glee cause how embarrassing would it be for him if he's never been into anyone ever and then finds himself attracted to f-cking VOX of all people.
It would be like if you never felt attraction in your life and then you find yourself attracted exclusively to elon musk
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protagonists can and will be sexist, racist, insensitive, cruel, stupid, etc, especially towards the beginning of a story. these are called character flaws and they are a surprise tool that will lead to narrative fulfillment later
And sometimes "narrative fulfillment" doesn't mean "the character overcomes their flaws" or even "the antihero is punished for their flaws"! sometimes it means the narrative says "wow was that fucked up or what? anyway i'm rod sterling"
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