under the kitchen lights you look like dynamite

Well. It’s been a while, but this grad school dropout is back and queenlier than ever. Just kidding, I’m still not anywhere near ready for that shit, but I now have a bunch of knowledge on how to fake like I am. Anyway, I’m kind of sad that I had to miss the ball! How’d my replacement Head Love Expert do?  Do I need to do damage control with a bachelor auction? Or maybe finally organize a messy speed dating event of some kind? Unfortunately for you all, I’m full of ideas.  

Hi Mel, Welcome back! You’re going to be the queen again? Was that something we were all supposed to know already or is that new? The whole which land Triton will rule thing gets so awfully confusing sometimes. Also the ball was extra boring this year without you! I didn’t even sign up, but I could just tell that it wasn’t as good as when you’re in charge. What’s messy speed dating? Does it involve running in mud?

Okay, when was someone going to tell me that we were having a Battle of the Bands? I would’ve dropped training for the 2020 Sealympics months ago to get a band together and audition. Not gonna lie, but none of our acts sound as cool as something I would’ve come up with. 

Probably because all your super cool family members in the know are big college grownups now and don't care about High School stuff? Or we thought the Sealympics were way more impressive? Or we forgot to tell you! I don't know! Either way, it's not too late for you to make your own cooler band and get famous the good old fashioned way!

If anyone was wondering, yes a stove top can burn off the ends of your hair. Also don’t try and cook after you’ve taken night time cold medicine because you will be out of it enough to actually burn off the ends of your hair. And after burning off the ends of your hair, don’t call your best friend for help because he will just apathetically tell you to get a haircut and that you shouldn’t have been cooking in the first place which you already KNEW BUT DID IT ANYWAYS!

How’d your hair get to the fire part of a stove? I don’t use stoves ever so maybe I’m missing lots, but isn’t the fire kind of low down? What were you doing exactly?

“Wait, so… why do humans wear these shoes on stilts again? I know I look dope in them, but is there some kind of tactical advantage or something?” Kiara asked, looking down at her brand new pair of high heels.

Wonder looked down at the heels on her own feet as if seeing them for the first time. Even though she'd worn them before, she'd never once attempted to consider using them for anything other than feet decoration. "I think someone told me that they make butts look good, but human butts still kind of look the same to me? And I guess You could throw them if you wanted to, but that kind of goes for any object, doesn't it?"