IT'S A LIFESTYLE

Fat Amy is my spirit animal. No for real. Any time I have to upload an avatar to a site (that is not professional and job-finding related) I use this photo:

Or this one:

Why? It makes me laugh. I love her character and these pictures make me smile every time I see them, so I use them.

I am going through a rough time right now. I am not sure what the various stages of transition are but I ::feel:: like they go something like this: acceptance, elation, drunkenness, uncontrollable sobbing, excitement, hopefulness, delusions of grandeur, disappointment, more drunkenness, sinus pressure headache from more uncontrollable sobbing, enlightenment, and then possibly becoming one with the Force? They may not necessarily go in that order and there are times you’re are stuck in an unending loop. I am also not sure what the final stage is because I am not there yet. Look for a followup post. 

I was recently in Ohio, taking a break from my break. No wait, hear me out. It was also my mom’s birthday. I had spent my first month in Miami becoming increasingly desperate in my job search for no reason other than I don’t know what to do with myself right now. I redid my resume to target business-y things I have been doing. I applied to a bunch of HR and Project Manager jobs. I looked up what certifications I could take to make me seem like I know what I am doing. I looked into programming and networking to see if there was anything for me there. Every time I did one of these things a piece of me died inside a little bit. It wasn’t until I went to an interview at LA Fitness that something started to click.

The interview at LA Fitness was for a position that is largely a scam. While they said it was for a personal trainer assistant manager, it was really a job selling memberships for personal training. If you know me at all, you know I am a TERRIBLE sales person. I have a hard time selling my own skills and abilities even though I know for a fact my coaching services are worth it. There was no way I was going to be able to sell over-priced personal training packages to people to work with personal trainers I didn’t know. But that is not the point.

The point is the only part of the interview that got me excited was talking about helping people perform better. Talking about coaching people, helping people, and getting them to be the best they can be. Afterwards, while I reflecting on the interview and trying to figure out where the nearest Chipotle was because, duh, something tiny clicked in my brain.

I am looking for the wrong things. 

Well that about sums it up.

If you’re reading this looking for tips on how to change your life, the only advice I can give you is that everyone is faking it all the time. No one REALLY knows what they are doing but no one wants to admit it, therefore perpetuating the idea that everyone has their shit together but you. 

#spoileralert 

No one has has their shit together. I will be the very first one to admit it. I have no idea what I am doing. I am 35 years old. I am literally in my mid-thirties and I have no idea what I should be doing. I feel like I need an adult only to realize that I AM the adult. Who let me have that kind of responsibility?!?!?! This is ridiculous. Don’t you people know some of my favorite hobbies include coloring and building with legos?!?! What adult does that? Oh, right. This one. It DOES help that I can drink wine while I do both of those activities, although, admittedly, wine makes both those activities slightly more challenging. #sorrynotsorry

As all three of you that read this know, I recently left my entire life in DC to move to Miami. There were many reasons to do this, but basically I needed something different. The Bukowski Houski needed a shakeup. A change. A new start. I decided to take a giant break from coaching. Since I have been doing nothing but coaching and attempting to open and run a business for the last 7 years, I have no idea what to do now. No idea whatsoever. It has been super fun to try to figure out. (Please read that last sentence in a super sarcastic tone.)

What I do know is that is have an extraordinary opportunity. I am going to use it to learn as much as possible about myself and to develop the leadership, business, and coaching skills I already possess. I still don’t have my shit together. And I have no idea what I am doing. But it is ok because I will figure it out. Everything will fall together and be exactly what I need for this next step. 

Boy, I hope it happens soon.

This is funny because we watched Mean Girls on NYE.

I don’t do resolutions. It isn’t because I don’t believe in goal setting or bettering yourself or the world around you. It isn’t because I’ve never set resolutions. I mean, the only reason I started CrossFit was because of a resolution 8 years ago. That one seemed to stick, so I guess it was successful? In general, I think we should always be working towards better versions of ourselves, day in and day out regardless the time of year. Every day is a good day to start something new! Also, sometimes you don’t know what you want to be on the first of the year. So why the pressure?

I’ve felt like this for a long time but 2017 is significant. Like always, the Bukowski Houski goes big or goes home. This time it is kind of both. We’re going big AND moving to a new home. DTM got a great new gig in south Florida and he is moving there today, so obviously this is real and happening. I will follow at the end of February, leaving our DC family and the place we’ve called home for nearly 10 years. A decade. Currently, everyone I know here I have met through CrossFit in some capacity. To say this was a hard decision is the biggest understatement of 2017. 

While I am truly ecstatically excited for this new chapter of us, my life is about to drastically change. 2017, you want me to up with meaningful resolutions? Are you even for real? I am leaving a business I spent the last 3 years building. I am leaving friends and a support system that I am not entirely sure how to exist without. I will be even further from my family, which is a circumstance I already dislike (but at least this time we’ll be near a beach! Huzzah!). 

So my non-resolution is survive the next few months without any major nervous breakdowns. I will try to do my best coaching, I will try to keep up my training, and I will try not to supplement ALL my meals with my fave wine ever South Shore Rose (you like sweet pink wine? This will give you life). I’ll be fine. I know I will because this isn’t my first rodeo of change. Will it be easy? Nope. Will I survive? Oh hell yes. 

I am having one of those weeks where everything is constantly irritating always. Are you familiar? It’s a feeling that occurs (sometimes more frequently than I like) where no matter what the situation is or how badly you no longer WANT to be irritated, you are. No amount of lifting or Christmas specials or wine help. So you just sit there being irritated and possibly rage-filled until you turn into a freakin’ pearl. (Or explode. Whichever.) Apparently pearls can be cultured in as little as 6 months according to this thing I just read on the internet. This information does not bode well for my irritation.

Luckily, about 2 months ago I internet met my coach, Erin. She has done a ton for me in terms of training, which I will get into in future posts. She is also helping me to learn and practice mindfulness (which I am TERRIBLE at, but that is ok. It is a process). I will fully admit I am resistant to it only because the last time I gave mindfulness the ol’ college try (via the app Headspace) I suffered from almost daily panic attacks at a certain point. She gently reminded me that meditation in that form is not the only way to practice mindfulness and gave me plenty of other tools to work with. One of them is writing. (Another one is coloring which I am ALL about.) 

Today I am thinking about what I am grateful for. I picked this specific one BECAUSE I am greatly irritated. So I sat down with my computer to mull it over and write. From where I am sitting I have a view of our lovely Christmas tree, some of our gorgeous Christmas lights, Dan’s Advent calendar from when he was a kid, and DTM himself. I am grateful for all these things.

I am grateful that we have worked so hard together as a team to make a life we want. I am grateful for all the opportunities we’ve had along the way that helped push up further along our path. I am so grateful Dan is my partner and best friend. I am grateful that we get to spend another holiday with each other and our family because it really is my favorite time of the year. I am grateful to be here, right now in this minute, thinking about how wonderful and beautiful my life truly is. 

Have you ever had to nod and smile your way through life? It is slightly terrifying and somewhat fun for the same reason: You almost have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.

I went to Brazil to visit DTM (who has been working there since the beginning of June). It was my very first time going to a country where English is not spoken. I know very little Portuguese. In fact, I know two words I can use with 100% confidence: Obrigata (thank you) and desculpe (sorry). I did try to learn more before so I could muddle through a little better but I am not great with language (including English). I had flashbacks to my high school Spanish classes where I probably needed real tutoring to pass the basics. I am not sure why my brain doesn’t want to make my language skillz a priority but...there it is. So I nodded and smiled my way through the trip and had a ton of fun, a little frustration, and a huge realization that I need to get out more. 

During this trip my macro experience/experiment sort of went by the wayside. I started the trip with the idea that I would do my best to track and hit the numbers I needed to hit but not to worry too much about it. About six days in (I went to Ohio first, where I could talk to/understand almost everyone! My two and a half year old niece Cecily is a little bit of a mush mouth, so she tripped me up) I gave up. Mostly because it was a toss up of what I was actually eating. Google translate was super helpful but, as with all languages, there are nuances that don’t really get translated. Many times I ordered one thing with a certain expectation and received something completely different. For example, we were at a nice little bistro when I ordered something that I was 100% sure were scallops. The word in the description was escallope and file mignon (which seemed to be any type of steak, really--not that I am picky). What came out was 2 cuts of beef. Awesome! Because two steaks are better than one. Also 100% not what I expected! There were other incidents but that was the first and probably funniest because I was so baffled at what was happening. After that, I did my best but didn’t worry about it. I plan on getting back on the horse tomorrow (mostly because I need to grocery shop and food prep today). Plus, I had more important things to do. Like watch the 75kg Women weightlift. At the Olympics. In Rio. FOR REAL!

I was already in awe of these women but seeing them live and in person was amazing. I picked to see the 75kg women because my favorite lifters are in that weight class (plus it is also my weight class): USA’s Jenny Arthur and Spain’s Lydia Valentin.

All the women were amazing and it was truly a one of a kind experience. My words could never do it justice. They were lifting weights that I can only dream of lifting. To put it in perspective, 135kg is roughly 297 pounds. Like, almost 300 pounds. Which makes this conversation super funny:

“DTM, I am in this weight class and these weights are astounding.” “Are you even close to lifting any of them?” “Yeah. If they were in pounds.”

Watching these women, these beautiful, strong, wonderful women, was life changing. I am so proud to be part of this sport and count myself lucky to have the chance to do what I do. It’s incredible. And there is no way to put a macro count on that.

Yesterday was…hard. Getting your body fat measured is really not fun, even if you know what to expect. I did know what to expect but it was still hard because the results were right there, in my face. Indisputable. ::sigh::

I got a Dexa scan at Composition ID. That means I got a low dose x-ray scan of my whole body to find out how much of it is lean mass and how much is fat mass. The good news is that my bones are strong and I have a ton of muscle (Thanks heavy lifting! You’re the best). The other news is that 32.8% of my body mass is fat. ::SIGH::

I knew the results weren’t going to be great. I know I have been majorly lax in my nutrition. I know that all of this is a long game to maintain over time. That nothing happens overnight and consistent effort and patience are required. I preach these things on a regular basis to people who ask for my help. I KNOW ALL OF THIS. The numbers don’t lie and I have a lot of work to do.

The best part of the whole experience was when Eva, my Dexa scanner, told me I have the nicest quads she had ever seen. Thanks, Eva. They are pretty glorious.

While I navigate through Day 3 of this project, I leave you with this–which is kind of how I feel right now:

Hahaha!

So it’s time for Alison to get serious about her own nutrition. No, for real. I even got a coach and stuff.

You see, I am a chronic over-eater. Always have been. I am also a feelings eater. And I have been feeling a lot of feelings lately. All the feelings, really. Feeling all the feelings makes me eat all the things. It isn’t like I haven’t TRIED to make good choices. It’s just at the end of the day when I am exhausted and missing DTM I just want to eat things that comfort me. Those things usually include copious amounts of refined sugar, like Nutella. Or chips and salsa. Or potato chips and dip. Or anything that sounds like it might finally calm my anxiety and ease my brain. It never does but that don’t mean I stop trying! I’m no quitter.

But I have these annoying performance goals that are getting in my way of junk food bingeing. There are things I want to do and a way I want to feel and I know none of it is possible if I continue to eat Nutella and a variety of chips and dip for 3 square meals a day.

I needed help so I signed up for some basic accountability through one of my fave sites Eat to Perform. Today was my first day trying to hit the macros they set for me.

Here is my breakdown: on a normal day for me I should try to get 251g of carbs, 54g of fats, and 135g of protein for a total of 2150 calories. I track it using My Fitness Pal. At 8 pm this evening, my count was 131g of carbs, 71g of fat, and 106g or protein. Not. Even. Close.

Good news, though. Since I am a problem solver I ate 2 cups of cooked rice and a protein shake to get what I needed! At 8:30pm. It was plain white rice and a chocolate shake. Oof. Lesson learned.

So this is what I will be writing about for the next few months, along with super fun anecdotes from my life starting with my Dexa scan results tomorrow. Yeah, I am getting my body fat % measured. Should be a fun and not at all mortifying time.

According to my new program, my sleep goal is 420 minutes. Bahahahahahahaha! That’s hilarious. Need to get started on that so peace out, brochachos!

Ali B. out.

I did my last Open in 2013, when I was less injured and somewhat physically healthier. I was still at CrossFit Bethesda, living "the dream" as a full time CrossFit coach for someone else. I had stability (albeit an unhealthy kind), a paycheck, and a 95% functioning shoulder. I don't even remember my scores in that Open, which is how important it was to me. Much has changed since then.

I left that gym, built my own, which severely injured my shoulder/right arm (due to laying flooring and, ironically, the pullup rigs), and started a new CrossFit community in the heart of Petworth with my friends and business partners. My own training has waxed and waned. I have had to make healing my injury a priority if I wish to continue coaching. I am getting back into the swing of things but slowly. Because I believe in practicing what I preach, I not only completed our first nutrition challenge with my members, I have also registered for the 2015 CrossFit Open knowing full well I may not be able to complete some of the WODs because of my shoulder. 

What happened to my shoulder? I have told the story many times, but it basically an overuse injury rooted in a collar bone break that occurred over a decade ago. I have been getting dry needling treatment to help. It has helped, but it is slow going. Good going, but slow going. It's frustrating. 

The 15.2 Open WOD contains both Overhead Squats (my specialty) and Chest to Bar Pullups (not even close to my specialty). I have not been able to do a pullup without pain since July 4, 2014. Thanks to my awesome physical therapist, Dr. Tamer Issa, I have been able to do a limited amount of assisted pullups within the last month. A few days ago, I did a few (3 to be exact) kipping without pain. Chest to bar pullups are out of the question. They are exactly what they sound like. Your chest needs to touch the bar. What does this mean for me? It means I have to do 15.2 scaled.

Doing the scaled version is a good choice for me and I am all about good choices. I practice what I preach because good choices are so so so important, especially in my line of work. I never want my members to risk an injury for the sake of a score. That is stupid and irresponsible. However, I know that at one point I could to things as prescribed with no thought to my injury. Knowing what I was able to do is not the same as what I am able to do now is hard. It's hard. 

I won't let it beat me, though. I am considering the 2015 Open my comeback. I may not be the athlete I used to be, but I will be the best athlete I am now. I can't do any better than that. And scaled or not, I am going to kill those overhead squats. Because, you know. Overhead squats. Duh.

So the last few months have been a lot of me sitting in an big concrete box with a lot of equipment I am dying to break in waiting. Waiting for construction, waiting for permits, waiting for electricians and plumbers and concrete-ers (what are these people called? Masons?) and a myriad of other construction workers. Waiting on delivery people that will be there with a load between 6am and 9pm (I only wish that was an exaggeration). While waiting, I managed to videotape, edit, and post a dorky Indiegogo video and campaign with Lieven, build a pretty kick ass website (that isn't live yet so don't check), and generally eat my way through the neighborhood of Petworth. 

As I type right now, the dry wall hangers are taking a lunch break (they went to get Wendy's. I want a spicy chicken sandwich SO BAD) and the plumber is installing showers. Currently, we have one dismal and disgusting working toilet that I and everybody else working here uses. Occasionally the water has been turned off so we have to go elsewhere (Annie's Ace Hardware staff have been SUPER great about us using theirs). We usually know when the water will be off, so it is no big deal.

Except today, of course.

Today, when I am at the gym without Lieven. Lieven, the guy that speaks fluent Spanish and regularly communicates with the construction workers in Spanish. Yep.

I decide, when the guys are getting their lunch, to visit our restroom. When I go to flush the toilet....CLINK! No. This can't be happening. I'll try again. CLINK! The handle is clinking, not flushing. Because there is no water in the tank. BECAUSE THE WATER IS OFF!

Well, shit. (Hahahaha! I'm hilarious.) I start to panic, mostly because I am utterly mortified and have no idea how to handle it. Contrary to popular belief because I am a complete goofus, my mother really did teach me excellent manners and I try to make her proud. This situation will not do. No one is here but me, I don't know if the water can be turned back on at this point without disrupting any installation, and even if it can, I am not sure which water lever will do what I need it to do.

Not 100% sure if the plumbers were going to be back today, I texted Lieven. Before he responded, Pablo, the most wonderful plumber in the world, came back.

Me: "Pablo! Hi! I'm glad you're here. Can we turn the water back on real quick?"

Pablo: ::blank staring:: "Uh...I don't speak English."

Shit again.

Me: (utilizing one of the two phrases I remember from high school Spanish) "No hablo Espanol." (The other one is "Donde esta el bano?" Where is the bathroom? OH THE IRONY.)

Pablo smiles.

Me: "Um.....uh......agua on? Uh....bano....flushed? Agua bano?" I made flushing hand gestures like an idiot. As I got up to show him (which I really didn't want to do), it clicked. He turned on the water, I flushed the toilet, and all was well. I want to hug him, but that may have been even more weird.

The takeaway: I added "learn more Spanish" to my To Do list. I know I won't ever be fluent (I was super terrible at learning both French and Spanish in high school. I can understand it when I read it or hear it, but speaking it was no bueno), but I can definitely be better!