sunsets with me;

another day passed

you felt a pull towards me,

He knew how much I loved Christmas season.

It wasn’t your fault I couldn’t be what you needed.

I used to tell myself that “he would be a great boyfriend” when we were still best of friends. But after “us” and “shit” happened, I corrected myself that “yeah, he would have been, but he wasn’t”.

I’ve been hurt, then healed in secret, just like how he kept me when we were together.

I wonder what reminds you of me;

The way he didn’t even defend himself and offer some explaination after it happened made me realize that I wasn’t really worthy of anything in his eyes.

I pray for the one that left.

I went from writing my goals and resolutions this year to wanting to end it all.

Gusto ko na lang makawala sa mga alaala mo. Sa mga sakit na iniwan mo.

I don’t need someone that treats me carelessly just to know what it feels like to lose me.

Most days felt impossible to heal from the traumas he left me with.

I cried, not because I blamed myself for what happened. I cried because I knew in my heart, I wouldn’t be able to trust anyone like that ever again.

People around me taking care of me without knowing they are mending the heart they did not break.

It took all of my strength to get out of it. I know it will take time to recover from this. But, I believe that the future me will thank me for walking away. I have to accept the fact that I have to go through this pain now to save us. She’ll be grateful I didn’t settle for less.