thought it might be fun to come back to tumblr. i knew i had one at one point but it got deleted/banned and i wasn't big on it so i never made another. i put in my email only to be met with "log in!!!!" hmm.... peculiar. i log in to find a time capsule, albeit scarce, of what i was like when i was 12. there isn't much on here but it shot me back; my blog name was sadgirl and it said (says?) "large triste" for the name. there's a picture of kermit somewhere. there are some screenshots of texts with my friends.
when i was 12 i was depressed for the first time in my life. it was the start of a long journey but i still remember how i felt nearly every day back then, and how alone i was. i couldn't ask for help because no one would believe me (and, spoiler, they didn't). i was cringe, insecure, sad, and very lonely. i couldn't see things for what they were, and i often leaned into my sadness just to feel something.
i'm 21 now and my life is so, so good. i moved out, went to college, started doing things by myself, got weirder, started accepting myself, came out, and have started leaning into my identity. i live with my best friends, who i met in college, who i love dearly. i am heavily involved with my college's pride organization, have friends i absolutely adore, and am starting the life i have always dreamed of for myself. i have a bright future and feel like i know myself so well and i have a fantastic relationship with myself for the first time in my life.
i write this to say what everyone always says: it does get better. you have no idea how much better it gets until one day you wake up and realize how much you love living, your life, the people around you, and who you choose to be every day. i can only imagine things get better from here, and i'm looking forward to seeing what's in store for me.