Whims Of Resistance

HIGH T = LOW I.Q.? On the heels of the announcement that our troops would now be screened for testosterone levels, our man in the trenches offers his editorial opinion (1st Amendment rights, people!) #testosterone #armedservices #satire

THE MYSTERY CONTINUES! Mitch is still AWOL. Nobody knows whether he's still kicking or ticking. This is intolerable, our democracy is hanging by a thread and the Dumpians are playing idiotic games like this. #Mitch #McConnell #MitchMcConnell

Biblical plagues? We got ‘em! Seven, count ‘em, SEVEN! (Just like the old days, when locusts invaded the land.) So grab your loved ones, pack enough matzohs for 40 days of schlepping, and skedaddle the heck out of DC!

HEY FDA, USDA, etc.! Are you planning to do your job anytime soon? The nation has a major contaminated food crisis and everybody is asleep at the wheel! Y’all are about as useful as Sleeping Don and Comatose Mitch. And as for Brainworm RFK, he’s probably out in the slimy green Reflecting Pool right now, washing bags of lettuce. Is it time to start marching in the streets yet? #Cyclospora #TaylorFarms #lettuce

WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE? So what's the truth, seriously? Do we still have a functioning congressman -- or has he been flushed down the golden toilet to meet his maker in the Deflecting Pool? Kentucky -- and the entire U.S. wants to know! #MitchMcConnell #McConnell #Congress

HOT TIME IN THE OLD TOWN TONIGHT! Here's our special high-temp July 4th video greeting card for all of you celebrating this holiday. Stay cool, resisters! #July4th #IndependenceDay #250thAnniversary #heatwave

HEAT WAVE! Walter Gruntrite reports on the blistering heat wave now affecting much of the U.S. Sources reveal that people have been resorting to a variety of odd ways to deal with the high temperatures. What’s next, political meltdown?

Wicked Pool Spell. Obviously, the corrupt contractors aren’t gonna fix the problem — so it’s time to call in the Green Team, for a good ol’ slime incantation. Abra-cadabra, presto dis-appear-oh! #reflectingpool #algae #satire #parody #magic #slime

JUST POOLING AROUND! Hear ye, hear ye, Monday is Laugh In night. So sit back & have a few smiles on us. Including Robot Cats, Congress chickens, Wolfgang on the front line & more! #reflectingpool #parody #satire #LaughIn #algae #Iran #Epstein #cats #chickens

BREAKING NEWS FROM THE STRAIT OF WARM OOZE! Following erection of silly security fences at the Reflecting Pool, new recipes for Warm Ooze cocktails have been going viral this morning. To head off this developing public health threat, we are now posting this urgent warning video in hopes that we may avert a new catastrophe in the nation's bars, saloons, taverns, smoothie bars, and home kitchens. Beware!!!!

Now that we have proof that the government and/or its corrupt contractors botched the reflectingpool job, and not vandals… how about firing the chief crook, the guy who created whole mess and refuses to own up to it? In the meantime, let’s enjoy a few more laughs about the algae infestation and the fecal felons responsible for all the debacles in DC.

ALGAEPHA VANDALS REVEALED! Popular skincare product blamed for algae infestation in #ReflectingPool. Evidence discovered after RFK Jr takes dip in pool to demonstrate the water’s purity. In the latest development, Green Gunk Kerplunk was unexpectedly pulled off the market before FDA swoops in to shut the company down.

LAUGH-IN MONDAY! Here’s a new set of home-brewed Quickies, fresh from the Satire Synthesizer! Starring Announcer Guy, poet Henry Glibson, Charlie on the mountaintop, Bigfoot, and more! #parody #LaughIn #humor #comedy #algae #fanfiction

NEWS NOW, GIGGLES LATER. Why wait ‘til later to watch the news? Get the Evening News now, with Walter Gruntrite. Tonite’s stories: The Iran Deal, Algae Alligators, JFK Center Coverup, The Arch & Ballroom Fiascos & more!

Social Security is in the news again. Here’s our favorite “oldie,” Tyrone, delivering an urgent (and serious) warning about the risk to our future SS payments.

CONTINUING OUR OBAMA APPRECIATION SERIES... Here's our respected, highly esteemed former president (and still tops in our popularity polls) taking a discreet stroll around the White House grounds, getting a sneak peak at preparations for tonight's #UFC cage match. As AI would have it, Mother Nature had some other plans. Wah-wah-wah-wah! #ObamaAppreciationday