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chat I just found out today that I have had my blog invisible to basically everyone for the past two years so… if you like my stuff give my a follow I guess, hopefully people will see my stuff now. I don’t post super often but I really appreciate feedback on artwork :)

I seriously need to read some books with happy endings for queer characters. Like I’m not a fan of romance novels, I like fantasy, realistic, historical, etc but they rarely have queer characters. It feels like the only options are interesting, complex books which include queer characters, who die or repress themselves, (The Goldfinch,), Or… books about being queer in a way that is deliberately written to be about queerness, in a way that to me, feels insincere and kinda meaningless. Heartstopper and Love, Simon kind of stuff which is just flat and dissatisfying. I think these kinds of stories can be really comforting to some people! But I am depressed as shit and I can’t relate to characters who are normal and live relatively peaceful, happy, lives. I need characters to experience anguish, and feel like the story has a greater meaning. It’s not even that I dislike tragedies or negative endings, I just need to feel like there can be hope for queer people. At the risk of being cliche, I think I Saw the TV Glow does this, it says 'you have options, you exist, and you are allowed to just be.' It's not happy, but it lets you sit with yourself. I’m trans and queer and mentally ill in a way that is messy. and canonically queer characters are so often forced into specific boxes, either as pathetic, or as super normal people who just so happen to be gay, but that’s okay because they are just like you in every other way! But that’s not how most of us are. We are sad and off-putting and sometimes unlikable. I make people uncomfortable when they see and hear me. Not on purpose (usually) I'm just not a pleasant person. and I would love to see a story about someone like me who gets to live and be alright. I don't need to end up in a white picket fence with my soulmate and an adorable dog, I just need to know that I don't have to kill myself. I need reassurance that I am allowed to exist. which yes I am aware is a me-problem, but it would be nice to know that other people feel the same way and see that such a story can be told.

I read Babel by R. F. Kuang a few days ago and it was awesome. I loved the story, I’m into etymology and language learning, and the realistic-historical-fantasy combined with thoughtful discussions of real world issues was interesting and well-written. There was subtle queer rep, like it was deliberate but not explicitly stated, and it made sense within the story and was present throughout. I’m hoping to do some fantart soon bc the descriptions and mood communicated were so rich and inspiring. I would absolutely recommend it and if anyone has recommendations for similar media I would love to hear about it.