i wish i could be an illiterate 16th century milkmaid but alas. i don’t have the tits

Your significant other… is a goldfish

Explain?

A snack that smiles back

calligraphy

I really wish there was an option on those Customer Service Surveys that says specifically, “The representative I spoke to was lovely and helpful and deserves all of the raises but I think that you, as a corporation, should die in a fire.”

An Exorcism is basically a Catholic priest Yeeting the demon out of your body.

when you’re a kid and you’re feeling weird and detached and you fall asleep in the late afternoon with school clothes still on and you wake up and its dark and dinner is almost done and time feels like a thick jelly