Abusive parents force you to hide things you would otherwise never have to worry about hiding, because you learn that they can flip out about anything, make a scene from anything, misunderstand one detail and go insane over it. So you donât tell them about anything you can avoid, and you try to deal with things yourself as much as humanely possible, which takes the burden of taking care of you from them, and onto your shoulders.
This is dangerous as well because you donât tell them about a friend who did something horrible to you, you donât tell them about a sociopath who tried to groom or touch you, you donât tell them about horrifying heartbreak you feel when someone abandons you, you donât tell them when your world is falling apart because you know that at best, theyâll be uninterested, at worst, they will tell you it was your fault and you deserved it.
Living in secrecy becomes normal and when you develop trauma symptoms it once again feels like itâs your fault because you never said anything, you never told them how much they were hurting you, you didnât speak up and open up about your problems. But how in the world would you? You know if you had, all that you would get is insults, blame, threats, guilt and shame thrown in your face, how could you possibly take that on top of having trauma symptoms? You canât, itâs not worth risking. Suffering in silence becomes your only survival option, and you watch your heart break a little more every day that nobody cares that youâre breaking apart.
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