No Lies, Just Love

Okay, but did I do to deserve a man you like you?

When your boyfriend leaves work early just to come over and apologize for the fight we had

I'm so sad all the time. I know I haven't seen you in years, but I thought I had time. I never thought our last goodbye would be the final one. We planned on visiting as a family in 2017. You were the first person I wanted to see once we landed. I haven't stopped thinking about you, our memories, and the lessons you've taught me. But Uncle, I'm so sorry. I'm not strong at all. I cry on my way to work. I cry in the middle of my shift. I cry before I sleep. I keep a smile on my face around ma, pa, Dichie, and Ricco but once I'm alone, I shut down. I don't answer my friends invites to go out. I try to find the energy to get out and have a laugh, but I can't. I'd rather stay in bed all day. I wish you were here. Your tough love is exactly what I need right now. I've forgotten my worth and my goals. I've lost focus on my future. I don't want to tell ma or pa because they're missing you just as much and I don't want to make them worry. I'm hurting so much. I miss you so much. If you're watching over me, please help me find the strength to move forward. On a happier note, thank you for everything. I love you always. I know I'm not okay right now, but I will make you proud one day. I know your dream for me was to finish school and get a degree. As much as my enrolling in school again is for me, this is mainly for you. Love you so, so much -Achie

- I have other things to focus my energy on - anger is a secondary feeling. I'd rather recognize how I truly feel - being angry is also a choice. I'd be dumb to choose to be angry than feeling something positive - I can't control other people's actions. It is what it is I guess it took me losing someone to fully realize how idiotic I have been.

Like many of my dreams, it didn't make much sense, but there is one part I don't think I'll ever forget. You asked for my help to get up and when I grabbed your hand, something sharp poked me. That's when I remembered you always had that ring in the shape of a cross on your thumb. You sacrificed money, medicine, time, and leaving home to make the people around you happy and comfortable. And I'm certain it was your faith in God is what kept you going. Now I don't know much about faith and if there truly is a God out there, but I do know you meant to visit me last night. It was a wake up call. You didn't sacrifice all those things for me and my family to be a failure. I promise I'll make you proud one day.