light up the stars

“I’m not expecting you to figure it out tonight,” he said, rubbing the tiefling’s shoulders. “Honestly, I’m just impressed you got so much out at once!”

That wasn’t a lie; he really did appreciate her openness about all of this. He knew it was hard for her–though he also blamed the alcohol, at least partially, for her sudden candor.

“I’m very proud of you.” And with that, he gave her a smooch on the cheek. Well, sort of. Kissing was hard when you had a muzzle, but he made due.

“hmph.” the alcohol made her just fuzzy enough to not want this anymore. the thought of crying just felt unnecessary. it required too much energy and she was far too tired for that. 

she grabbed his hand, turned to him, buried her face in his chest, pushed him down toward the bed. she wanted to be warm and she wanted to hold something that was at least semi comfortable. it just so happened that church was the closest.

“Well… a bit, I suppose,” he admitted after a brief pause. “But I understand your concern. I have no intentions on shouting it from the rooftops, if that’s what you’re wondering. Keeping it private is simple enough.”

He had always been a hopeless romantic sort, but he knew when it was best to dial it back a little bit. The most important thing was being able to be open with her, specifically. And if that had to be mostly in private, then that was fine by him.

though she had expected his answer, it still surprised her a bit. a small part of her had somehow expected him to not bother with honesty. half expected him to placate her enough to get her to calm down for the night and then bother her about things on a different day. 

There we go, there was some honesty. Church was content to let her get it out of her system before he said anything, but she didn’t quite make it to the end before bottling up again. Ah, well, that was a pretty good start, at least.

“I appreciate your honesty,” he finally said. “And you’re right, it’s not the most important thing in the world. As long as you’re comfortable with how things are working, that’s the most important thing.”

He put an arm around her. “Seriously, we don’t have to put a name to it if you don’t want to.”

this time, she let herself fall against him. this was pleasant enough for now and she didn’t feel the need to move. was this how she wanted to spend her night? not really. this sort of emotional shit would never be something she’d actively search out. nearly any other activity would be welcome right now.

but this would probably be helpful for church, right? she had to remind herself of that. 

“Guilty as charged.” What was he gonna do, lie? Perish the thought. Still, now wasn’t the time for that.

Church crossed his arms and looked at her. “I don’t think that’s entirely true. I believe you care, just like I do. If you didn’t care, I highly doubt you’d have let me in here right now.”

Ila was at her most vulnerable right now, after all–as far as he could tell, anyway. Few people got to see that side of her.

“i mean. i do. i do care about you. i don’t care about whatever we have, honestly. it’s all...a perk, i guess. knowing you was enough, everything else is just extra gold. i don’t need it, but i’m glad to have it. but if something happened and this - ” she vaguely gestured at the space they shared “ - was all gone, i wouldn’t care as long as i knew you were okay. that’s what matters to me. it doesn’t matter to me that it has a name because i know that i - ” her voice hitched and she realized how close she was to breaking. 

That got a small chuckle out of him. One of Church’s tails moved to rest across her own–about as subtle as he could get, really.

“Hey, no one ever said you needed to shout it from the rooftops,” he said. “Admitting it to yourself is the important part. How open you want to be about it after that is up to you.”

The kitsune paused, humming thoughtfully, if a bit playfully. “I dunno, I find both equally enjoyable, but that’s just me.”

it took her a moment to keep herself together. the alcohol was starting to influence her and she could feel her emotions bubbling ever so slightly. “you also like hearing yourself talk.” her voice was low and almost sounded distracted. fingers tapped against her own leg.

“does it even matter if we have a label between us? it doesn’t influence anything, wouldn’t change anything. so who really cares? not fucking me!” ila hadn’t noticed how her voice had grown a bit louder. nor how selfish her thoughts had been until she spoke them.

“Glad I could help,” he said with a grin. It wasn’t a smug one, either; he was, truly, happy to help. She needed it. Even when she tried to withdraw, he would always be there, waiting for her to come back out again.

“I know.” He rubbed her back a little more. “I’m not going to pretend like it’s all very simple and straightforward. It’s not you’re slow to trust, slow to attach, and I understand that. All that really matters is that you know I’m here for you regardless. I’m a patient kitsune.”

her tail flicked behind her. in an effort to hide the motion, she moved it to rest beside church, the tip just barely touching his leg. it was the only thing she would let herself do to show affection right now. “this all sucks.” and there was the next swig.

Church just shrugged. He wasn’t gonna argue that point, after all. She knew him so well!

“And a little rest keeps them from giving out,” he added, reaching out to rub the tiefling’s back soothingly. Now was not the tie to goof off around her. It was ‘Serious Church’ time, as he liked to call it. “You work hard, and you should sleep hard. That’s my motto.”

He… had a lot of mottoes.

“Oh, what’s there to nope about now? I can get you a different drink, if you want.”

“you of all people know how well i sleep.” especially on the nights they spent together. he was...almost a source of comfort for her. enough that she felt safe enough to properly sleep at times. she folded in on herself a bit more in order to try and not react to church. the idea of resting against him, saying nothing, was nice.

that’s what she preferred. showing everything through her actions rather than speaking them. words made it real. words were something she couldn’t take back. it was so much easier to deal with something that could be brushed away if it truly came down to it.

Now that he thought about it, Church realized that alternative terms to the word ‘boyfriend’ were probably worse. Mate? Lover? Partner? Eh, partner was probably fine. Regardless, he decided that the only thing to solve this problem was a stiff drink! For her, anyway. He’d stay sober to keep an eye on her.

When Ila dragged him into the room, the kitsune barely flinched, simply sitting down on the edge of the bed and patting the spot next to him invitingly.

“I didn’t say anything,” he quipped. It was true, but the tiny grin on his muzzle suggested that he really wanted to. “Just relax, alright? Take a load off. You run around so much every day, I’m surprised your legs haven’t given out on you.”

it was incredibly hard for her to not try to wipe that smile off his face. she was already a bit antagonistic - even if he enjoyed it - and a small part of her didn’t want to make things worse. “you didn’t, but you want to,” she mumbled into the bottle. 

“my legs are just fine. the running helps maintain their strength, thank you.” despite her tone, she sat next to him, folding her legs against herself. he really wasn’t wrong. the only times she had allowed herself to relax was when she was working on a new weapon or when she spent the night with him. 

she didn’t want to get close to anyone. not willingly. the few times she’d tried, betrayal had met her. even if church wasn’t the same kind of character, it wasn’t something she wanted to risk. even if they did spend most evenings sleeping together, she was going to hold their status an arm’s length away from her.

however, church was persistent. his constant want to make her laugh grew on her. things almost felt empty when he wasn’t around, like they were too quiet. she didn’t want to admit it, but she cared. didn’t want to see him get hurt, didn’t want to see him sad. it was too much for her to handle so she buried it. bottled it up and tried to forget about it. all until boyfriend got tossed around.

eyes narrowed as he stood in the doorway of her room, bottles in hand. no words were said. she just pulled him in, closed the door, and yanked a bottle from him. “nope.” then she downed a third of the bottle. not the worst thing she’d had and at least she’d feel a bit drunk by the time she was done.

Church suppressed a chuckle at her turning into mush, and continued to rub her back affectionately. She clearly needed this.

“Well, I’m pretty sure, but I never know for certain until you start with the kissing. That’s usually a dead giveaway.”

Aw, well now she was just being kind of cute. His hands ran over her hips and along her legs, then returned upwards towards her back, lightly scratching underneath her shirt. He tilted his head to rest it against hers, smirk on his face. “Let’s see… affection, maybe?”

“I’m reading…” he paused, as if to mull that over, but really, he was just enjoying the feeling of her fingers in his hair. Prosthetic or not, it was still nice. Plus, it was enough of a distraction that he could ‘casually slide his hands up to cradle her hips, not quite pulling her closer but certainly getting her attention. “…excitement?”

“No one ever said that…” Church narrowed his eyes. Yeah, okay, he was starting to get the hint, actually. She wanted to be in charge? That was fine by him. “But then, I like to think I’m pretty good at reading you in particular.”

Church probably could have wiggled free if he really tried, but he kind of wanted to see where this was going. Of course, by the time she was ontop of him, it was far too late to change his mind anyway.

He glanced furtively from side to side. “Uh… I’m not sure, to be honest,” he said sheepishly. “I’m getting some mixed messages here.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Church grumbled. He wasn’t about to argue with that—he had a tendency to spend time with women who could kick his ass. It made Crucible matches a nightmare if they weren’t in the same team.

“…that sounds pretty fun, though.” It didn’t stop one last snarky quip, though.

well. he'd been warned.

she quickly turned and walked back inside, her grip in church just tight enough to keep him in her arms. he was tossed onto a nearby couch with no warning before she leapt and landed on top. her hands were planted on either side of his head and her knees rested just next to his hips. she was at least considerate enough to not hurt him.

“I can’t tell if you’re calling me a giant or yourself a dwarf.” Sure, he was tall, but he refused to call her tiny. Mostly for his own health, really.

“But please, continue complimenting my incredible height.”

Church snickered at that, putting one arm around Ila’s torso to keep himself steady while she walked.

“Tell you what, I’ll give you a piggy back ride in return so you can be tall for a little while, how’s that sound?”