five finger discount

So like there’s tons of yt clips of CCTV catching people.. All of them show people lifting and looking VERY OBVIOUS.

They show body language of exactly what NOT to do like:

- TOUCHING YOUR FACE

- Rapid movements

- Noticeably bobbing your head up, looking around for SA/LP

- Immediately going to a specific item

- Looking at the item while concealing it

- Speedwalking out immediately after concealing the item

- Eyecontact with the cameras

What to do instead: browse! Look at ingredients/price tags

Don’t touch face or fidget, act like you’re super rich and comfy in your own skin, take deep breaths if anxious

Here, guys. Let’s temporarily extinguish the controversy. Whether you’re anti-Selma or pro black bag, whether you stuff that magnet in your bra or up your ass, we can all bond over the fact that NONE of us are stupid enough to go lifting with this bag. There ya go. We’re all super smart!

That has got to be the most ridiculous title for myself. Anyway. GOOGLE MAGIC TRICKS. LEARN SLEIGHT OF HAND THROUGH MAGIC TUTORIALS.

Guys I was OBSESSED with magic as a kid and I practiced it until I was a junior in high school. You know how easily I took to lifting? Ridiculously. I’ve fucking concealed with employees staring me in the eye during my first ever haul. They can’t tell shit. And they had no idea. There’s tricks you can learn that are INVALUABLE. Of course don’t go running up to lp and concealing in front of them right away. I’ve been playing with sleight of hand and illusions for years. You’d be amazed how much better you can get at lifting if you learn tricks similar to it.

Penny behind the ear? Oh no. I pulled a fucking nAKED PALLETTE OUT OF YOUR DAMN ASS HOW’S THAT FOR A TRICK.

Y'all into tag switching? Lemme tell you a thing or two about tag switching.

Go to your nearest Lowe’s or home depot. Go there. Go to the garden center. Go up to the cashier and ask about plants. Get a feel for their plant knowledge. If they seem to know what they’re talking about, well, You’re not stealing plants today.

BUT GIRL LEMME TELL U 99% OF THE TIME THESE PEOPLE DON’T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HYDRANGEA AND A DIANTHUS use this to your advantage. You want that huge ass hibiscus? Get it. Put a dianthus tag on it. Congrats that hibiscus is now a $1.98 dianthus Say you saw it like that. Call it a dianthus. Act like you know nothing about plants if they call the department head.

WANT AN ALOE PLANT BUT YOU DON’T WANNA PAY $20??? PUT A FUCKING SUCCULENT TAG ON THAT BITCH. Aloes are pretty much juicy healthy succulents. Cashiers that don’t know their plants won’t know the difference. Enjoy your $3 aloe.

WARNINGS: - seriously make sure the cashier doesn’t fucking know plants. I’m the damn plant nerd of my store so they put me in the garden center a lot. I see a LOT of tag switching and I’m not allowed to let them get away with it because my store knows I know my damn plants. - don’t be an idiot and try to put the damn $0.50 mark down sticker on a $80 tree. No one’s gonna fall for that. - if you wanna get a plant cheap, make it look damaged and ask for a discount. The cashier will either mark it down manually or call over a department head.

I’M NOT TALKiNG OPENING BOXES I’M NOT TALKING EVEN LOOKING AT BOXES

YOU HAVE 2 WAYS OF DOING THIS

With a partner : you’re gonna have your buddy go “oh shit left something in the car brb” or “oh shit I’m gonna go look at that store” and have them start to walk out the store with nothing in hand. Once they get past the gate, you (with the item(s) you plan to lift) are going to run over, past the gate and yell “wait! I found the keys come back” or something. If you beep, you have tags to look for, if you dont, you’re in the clear. If you beep just turn around and go “oh gosh I’m so sorry I was just trying to get my friends attention lmao” they’ll let you do your thing.

I GOT CAUGHT! Yes I am a dumbass. Here’s the story.

I finally got my drivers license on January 3rd. It was so exciting and I was proud of myself for finally overcoming my anxiety and just doing it. HOWEVER, getting my license triggered a severe manic episode and well… I got arrested.

Let’s start off with my mistakes • I went lifting during a manic state (altered state of mind) and thought I was invincible • I drove and hour away to a mall I have NEVER been to before • the mall, which I know now (a police officer told me this) is one of the WORST places to shoplift from bc they already have a high theft rate and their security l, LP, and cameras are top notch. It’s a very wealthy mall) • I was very sloppy. VERY sloppy. I’m embarrassed how bad I was tbh. With that out of the way, let’s move on to the story. It’s a long one so buckle up. -I got to the mall at about 5pm and wanted to buy a winter coat (this was January 5th and it was cold af). I bought a coat cause I knew I couldn’t lift that. I went into Nordstr0m and lifted a $148 SHIRT. THATS SO EXPENSIVE IT WAS JUST A FLANNEL. Anyway, after that I went to VS and got some cute panties. -I ended up getting stopped by a security guard so I was kind of nervous. Basically, he stopped me and asked if I was over 18. I said yeah I am and gave him my ID. He said that at that mall you weren’t allowed in if you’re under 18 without someone over 21 with you. I was like oh okay and he gave me a bracelet saying I was 18 so no one else would stop me. -I go into seph0ra and this is where I FUCKED UP!!! There were a shit on of people in there (red flag one to get out for me personally), the SA were VERY attentive (red flag two), and I saw this guy following me around and staring at me (RED FLAG THREE BITCH GET OUT). I had about $400 worth of makeup and things and decided to leave bc I had to pee. The bathroom was right across from the store so I started walking towards it. WHEN SUDDENLY I get grabbed on the shoulder by the LP and he says I need to go with him so I do. He takes me into the back and starts insulting me as you do I guess. I give him all my info and tell him which things are stolen and which ones I bought. At this point there’s about 4 security guards in the room and 3 police officers. -The one policeman (nicest guy ever) starts reading me my rights and I ask if I’m being arrested. He says not right now we have to total the things you stole so I was like shit I’m being arrested lmao. I was joking around with everyone and they were very nice to me (even the LP lightened up a little). I asked the LP what gave me away and he said that the cameras they have there are 60fps 1080p and they can rotate 360 degrees (holy shit). -SOOOOOO, I get arrested and do the walk of shame out of the mall and into the police car. I made a joke about how I always wanted to be handcuffed but I’d rather be handcuffed to a bed and the cop died laughing. The drive was pretty short and I went into the jail and got fingerprinted etc. they asked if I have had suicide attempts before and said yes twice lmao. They asked me about my meds and I said I have bipolar 1. Then they asked if I wanted to be sent to the hospital instead and I was like LMFAO THE FUCK NO. For my phone call I called my sister bc fuck telling my parents about that shit and told her to tell my mom about t and ask my sweet old grandma for bail money which was 804 DOLLARS DAMN. -I had to stay the night at the jail bc at this time it was about 10pm and my grandma said she couldn’t do it til the morning which kinda of sucked. I talked to my sister for about 2 hours bc I was so bored (the officers were so fucking nice to me I s2g). They gave me 3 pillows and two blankets so I could sleep. I woke up in the morning and has cereal and coffee and then my mom came!! My parents were kind of mad but they knew they had no room to talk since they both have had felony theft charges lol.

Sorry for the long ass post but in conclusion • I went to court over the span of 5 months • I had two first degree misdemeanors one for theft and one for receiving stolen property • They offered a first offenders program so I’m doing that which is cool bc it will be off my record in 6 months • I have to schedule 3 days of jail and do 26 hours of community service and I have until November to do all that shizzzz • I originally had to do 3 days of jail, a theft class, community service, and biweekly probation visits but since I live an hour away my probation officer said nvm just do the jail and community service. • currently paying my grandma back all of her money.

Ulta cams are good enough that they can see the type of coffee you have

Disposing of tags the same way every time will allow them to eventually catch on!

Disguises will save your ass

LP know our slang

Some LP want with all their hearts for you to get fucked, and will hold grudges

Don’t go to a store consistently! Even if you’re waiting a long time like 3-4 weeks like this lifter did, be careful you’re not starting a pattern (going at the same time of day, on the same weekday, etc) because obviously this lifter must’ve had some form of consistency when going to the store since one employee recognizes them this second they leave.