That Bitch™️

This advice post is ideal for:

1) a female that doesn’t look too young/can pass as mid 20s

2) wants to lift clothing / small items to conceal on body

3) plans to lift mon-fri because this look is very workwear. The persona you’re playing here is rich classy yet immemorable lady working a well paying office job (probably accounting, finance or audit-you choose). You are BLAND (Boring, Lacklustre, Average, Nondescript, Day job worker) lol I came up with this acronym myself!

-TOP

You want to wear a light/pale coloured blouse (apparently light colours make you look less sus) that is flowy, yet modest, expensive looking and slightly fashionable. Example:

This top I wore today is ideal because: loads of room to conceal at the bust and around waist/hips, expensive thick satin fabric (costed $125 even on sale and I lifted it), fashionable wide sleeves which you can conceal stuff in (wear a tight log sleeves top under to secure stuff in) and is modest and not eye catching.

-BOTTOM

You want to wear pants which are loose enough to fit more pants under, yet not too loose to be sus. You should choose a fabric which skims and has a little stretch to it (so choose a synthetic fabric) so that you look natural even with items packed under. It’s ok to wear dark pants because both light top and light bottom may be attention grabbing. Black pants are a professional work look.

These are the pants I like to wear when lifting leggings (comfortably fitting 4 pairs under, could probably fit a few more). You can easily wear spanx under and fit stuff in waistband too. Waist tie comes in handy when I’m concealing hangers on body because i can use it to tie the hanger tight against my body for more security. Choose a pair that covers your ankles (easy for shorter gals). Remember not to tuck your shirt in so that the loose top will float over any bulkiness.

Ps these shoes are a great example of shoes to wear, as long as they’re comfortable!

-HAIR

Your hair is an important part of your disguise. Choose a wig that is different to your natural hair. Think different length, colour, curl/wave, texture- as long as it looks natural and believable! POC should stick to darker colours (up to a hazel/light ashy brown, maybe caramel if you can pull it off). Now is not the time to experiment with fun colours and styles! Remember, you are BLAND. Example:

This is the one I have. It screams sweet, nice girl next door who would never hurt a fly, let alone shoplift. Was $7 of AliExpress!

Wig tips:

Bangs or lace front, you want to be natural and nothing looks worse than a weirdly stark hairline. Don’t be afraid to trim the bangs and the overall hair so it fits you better. Get a wig cap for underneath. Reduce unnatural shine with a little baby powder or dry shampoo. Muss the wig just a little- no one has perfectly smooth helmet hair! Don’t accessorise your wig because a BLAND person would not have the creativity/guts to do so.

-BAG

Neutral colours and structured bag! No pom-poms or shiny stuff hanging off your bag. You wanna look mature!

You might want a small crossbody bag if you’re concealing on body because it makes you look innocent (how can she fit those 69 leggings she took into that tiny bag anyways). Bring a spare plastic shopping bag or two in your crossbody if you need it. Keep your hook/magnet in bra/on person.

Example:

So smol and cute and nude! Although I just lifted this today I can envision it fitting a couple of rolled up tops and some makeup in there.

If you’re going for a bigger bag, make sure it looks like a structured work bag. Think:

Obviously there are better examples floating about in the community.

-COAT/JACKET

I suggest not bringing one unless where you live it’s superrrrr cold like in the negatives. Your wig and the multiple clothing items you’re body concealing will keep you warm. Wigs get real hot after a while!

If you’re not wearing a coat, it’s the perfect excuse to lift one during your trip- just drape one over your arm right at the beginning, shop around a little, bring stuff into change rooms, detag coat, then bring coat out with you over your arm.

If you must bring a coat, try one with lapels and defined shoulders so it looks like a professional work coat, preferably in a nude/cream/light neutral colour. Example:

A coat makes it easier to conceal more stuff under as it smooths everything out, especially if it’s a thicker fabric with a structured fit.

-GROOMING

This advice is pretty standard. Light, professional makeup applied well helps. Remember, a BLAND person won’t have crazy eyeshadow at her boring day job!

Have your nails look nice and neat in a neutral colour. Look expensive and classy. No thotty instagram stiletto nails here!

Don’t wear jewellery, especially on hands if you’re concealing on floor. Bright shiny things catch the eye.

Just be clean and well groomed, like you look after yourself. You want to look mature yet still sweet and innocent and incapable of committing crime. Long wispy eyelashes and inner corner highlight might help here!

Consider wearing fake glasses/coloured contacts to amp up your disguise! Maybe even a fake lanyard with some fake ID thingy in it will reinforce that you work somewhere. Don’t have any noticeable tattoos with this look (small dainty ones are ok).

Wear black flat/ comfortable office-appropriate shoes.

🌸 Tips for winter! 

So I decided to make a post about some little tips I use for winter! Feel free to try your own or whatever but this is what works for me. WITH PICTURES (some)

🌸 So look at all this shit you are gonna get. All this thicc ass winter clothing items look at that yum.

🌸 But how on earth will you fit it all in your bag and not have it all stuffed looking AND still have room for the other stores too!? This is how I do it! Make sure you get some rubber bands, I prefer the industrial ones but these were the ones I could find so yeah. 

🌸 Fold the arms inward, if its long sleeve, short sleeve it doesn’t really matter. 

🌸 Fold it is half, and smooth it out! A Lot of clothing is unevenly cut ( this for example has a longer back so make sure its all smooth and flat )

🌸 Then you just roll it up as tight as you can and rubber band that shit in place. As you can see by the comparison picture the amount of space this product takes up compared to before is way less using the bag of rubber bands as the comparison, even if the mass did not change if you roll up all your items you can stack them and it wont look bulky! 

🌸 These next tips I didn’t want to take pictures of but they are just as good! 

🌸 For panties and smaller items like jewelry and small makeup and what not, the key is the boots. I have 3 boots, they are all a size larger than I actually am. In fitting rooms such as VS, Place the undies as FLAT as you can in the sole of the boot, don’t bend the tag! Spread it out evenly along the bottom so it won’t bunch up on your toes. Repeat for 3-4 pairs in both shoes. 

🌸 For makeup, rule 1 MAKE SURE THE SHIT WONT BULGE OUT YOUR SHOE LMAO. I only really use this for lip liners, eye liners, small things that are not box shaped because it would be kinda obvious if your walking around with box shapes poking out your shoes.

🌸 WEAR A LONG COAT!  The canada goose I got is the perfect length, when you bend down to look at something i covers your shoes and bag and you can use that yo your advantage. shoe panties in your boots and inside coat pockets when your bent down. Shove whatever the fuck you want in there. fuck it.

🌸 Now what if you don’t want to have anything in your bag incase you get stopped? Are you wearing your coat? ARE YOU WEARING YOUR COAT? ok good. Wrap whatever the fuck you want around your torso, waist, hips, whatever and tie it like this with your trusty rubber bands UNLESS you have a waist trainer or spanx, then just use those. BUT STILL FOLLOW MY FOLDING RULES. Fold it FLAT. pants in half, then wrap. Tops in half, then wrap, you want to lessen the bulk as much as your can.

🌸 Sorry this is the only picture I could find of this type of knot but its the one where you just wrap it around and through. Idk what its called I am not a boy scout. But that will keep it from moving around on your person and from falling. Make sure its TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT. You can always take all this shit off in the bathrooms and put into your reusable shopping bags or a shopping bag you got from buying a $3 pair of leggings from F21. fr just do that if you need a larger opaque bag.

🌸 Which brings my to my next tip. LEGGINGS. There are SO many leggings out there is very very large elastic waist bands you can use to conceal too. Palettes, clothings, literally anything if its thicccc enough. WEAR YOUR COAT THO. The coat covers any puff you might of missed. 

🌸 Be AWARE of what your grabbing. if its something limited edition ( such as the balmain VS thing, or makeup ) They DO communicate to other employees like “ hey yo she grabbed this shit watch it “ but little do they know you actually grabbed 3, and when you had the others back to the employee after you concealed the one they will be like “ Ok she gave them back its fine we all gucci “ and boom got yourself some designer shit.

🌸 Also fuck ulta I hate it stay away from it if you are new or not fucking seasoned. The employees break policy and fuck you up I swear I try to warn as many people as I can about this but fr fuck this company. ( though if they break policy you can get out of charges BUT STILL IS IT WORTH IT???)

🌸 Bring your purse, or laptop bag if you a guy, one or two reusable bags, or bags you have saved, rubber bands, hook, magnets, s3 key, A fucking exacto knife, whatever your tools are. Keep the obvious ones on your body (duh) but rubber bands and the exacto knife are chill in your bag. If you KNOW the store you lifting from, bring a bag you already have from it and move your lifted items in to that bag in the bathrooms or whatever. 

🌸 WAYS TO THROW OFF SUSPICION.  🌸

🌸 If you getting sus’d you are either A) not white B) fucking something up or C) unlucky. Figure out which one it is and use that shit to your advantage. If you are being watched, have something in your had and reach for your drink ( ALWAYS HAVE A BOTTLED DRINK IN YOUR BAG ) in your bag and bring it back out, if they approach you they will usually feel super embarrassed and leave. Works like a charm. If they don’t leave, slowly like shop your way towards them and be really nice and polite and just watch and if they still on you ask if there is some kinda problem. If they a big mouth you can get free shit if they accuse you before you do anything. A+. this is how they will look

- CHANGE THE APPS PICTURE: Remember Cocoppa that app where you can change an apps icon USE IT if your parents make one wrong click and they see “How To Lift From Ulta” they’ll most likely know what’s up. *If I were a parent and I saw a kawaii calculator I’ll think nothing of it.

-KNOW YOUR PARENTS: If your mom knows what Fenti is and sees you have 13 of the same foundation ( they aren’t cheap) she’s probably going to be sus but if she has no clue what KVD is it’s going to look like you bought it from Wallmart or the $ Tree. *Don’t assume that you can be sly and hide them, really do you NEED naked that bad when you can get narz.

-BUY STUFF WITH THEM: I get that every once in a while you just go shopping to look around but if you constantly make them drive you somewhere without buying anything you will make them sus. *One thing that parents hate is when you send them places and you don’t get anything seriously guys don’t be afraid to buy a $4 pen when you can walk out with $200 worth of copics. 

-ORDERING MAGNETS AND HOOKS: Most minors have to ask their parents if they can buy stuff online but when your ordering magnets or hooks that can raise red flags. *If you really need this have someone who can buy them for you or say its for a science project science is know to make you buy weird stuff so it gives you a better excuse.

-HIDING STUFF IN ONE PLACE: When everything is hidden in one place like under the bed or in the bottom of the closet and your parents are sus that can make their suspicion clear. *If you killed someone would you hide the body in your backyard no. So why does lifting get special treatment leave a basket of non lifted makeup in plain sight and put high end lifted makeup in a hidden place and put ONE or TWO high end makeup in that cheap basket to alleviate suspicion.

-BRAGGING TO YOUR FRIENDS: Lets say Becky told Mary (who’s a mommy’s girl) that you lift. Mary tells her mom this heinous crime you have committed and Mary’s mom (lets call her Jane) tells your mom (lets call her Steph). Now you’re in trouble because Becky and her big mouth told Mary. *Don’t trust your friends unless they lift even then you can’t be sure. Make up excuses on why you’re wearing gucki don’t let them know it’s better safe than sorry.

-HAVING A REPUTATION: If your parents know that you snuck out to a party or did drugs. Do you really think that they’ll be surprised to find out that you lift..NO. *Try to be good, get good grades, help out at home, save a cat from a tree, anything that can paint you into being a great person.

-GETTING A SURPLUS OF MONEY: Guys this tip is very important if you boost you’re playing a risky game if all of a sudden you’re making $100 and have no way to explain how you’re getting this they’ll probably think your dealing drugs which is worse than boosting. *this need no tips

Alright guys, I’m no biggie lifter. I obviously haven’t pulled off $7,000 heists with the snap of my fingers ( and i seriously respect those who do ). But here are a few tips on how not to get watched for all my youngsters out there. These have all worked for me, but if you wanna debunk them or call bullshit then go ahead; I’m still learning.

Your Outfit- Okay, guys, I know that wearing all black and looking like you’re the grungiest skate kid that ever came out of Kurt Cobains’ ass is the look right now, but please, DO NOT TRY TO PULL OFF A HEIST LOOKING LIKE THIS.  As soon as you enter that S*phora the SA’s are gonna be up your ass. And I get it, it’s hard, looking like an edge lord is my aesthetic too, BUT DON’T FRET, THIS RULE DOES NOT APPLY TO SELECT PLACES. Such places as H*t T*pic, V*ns, Z*mies, T*lly’s, or basically any store where this kind of style is the norm. However, for most stores, try to dress in light colored, cute clothes. If you’re a teenage girl, wearing clothes from f2I is a good idea, but try to focus on the less grungie colors. Like pink (the color not the store). For the love of god, wearing pink as a teenager makes the employees so chill. Who would think that girl in the pink romper would steal a bunch of n*ked p*lettes? Obviously this also doesn’t apply to super fancy stores like M*chael K*rs i and shit, but I’ve never lifted from those kinds of stores where dressing like a goddess is the norm. Either way unless you can really pull off looking like a SUPER rich kid or can somehow make yourself look older I wouldn’t recommend lifting from those kinds of stores, cause as soon as minors enter all the eyes go onto them.

Makeup- Make it match your outfit! Cute, innocent, soft, NUDE. Unless it goes with your aesthetic then don’t go too flashy so that EVERYBODY is gonna be looking at you. But if you’re going to Sephora or Ulta this rule doesn’t apply. When going to these places look like you know what you’re doing! Contour, Highlight, look like even though you’re a kid you invest your allowance in makeup. 

The act- When you enter, act like all the cameras are working and on you. Don’t look up at cameras ( if you just HAVE to then look with your eyes, not your face! ). Don’t look super shaky, don’t look around constantly, OR WANDER AROUND AIMLESSLY. Remember minors are watched more often than adults, so don’t act like a shoplifter. When you come in, know what you want, and act like you know what your doing! Look at decoy items, check the prices, put things in your shopping basket. When you get to what you really want don’t make a big deal about it. Make it look like any other item you picked up. If an employee asks if they can help you then say you’re just browsing or looking for a specific brand that you know they don’t carry, then they’ll leave you alone. However if employees won’t leave you alone or you see someone constantly following you as discretely as possible dump your shit and leave. It’s not worth your reputation to get caught. I know your first few lifts will make you terrified and nervous, and you may break some of these rules, but just breathe, chew gum, do whatever makes you calm down. 

Concealing- If youre 13 and lugging around a big ass purse then that’s super sus. Instead, use cheap yet still cute purses in colors that aren’t black because some stores are starting to catch on that most lifters use black bags (purses from ch*rming ch*rlies are pretty good!). Also, DONT CARRY AROUND A BACKPACK. THAT IS THE SUSSEST THING OF ALL TIME ESPECIALLY FOR MINORS. Personally, however, I don’t even use purses/bring them unless I’m getting a bunch of stuff! I conceal on person by stuffing everything in my pants, bra, etc., (not pockets though). So if they ask to check your bag, they won’t find anything PLUS you’re a minor so they aren’t gonna pat you down or make you take your clothes off. And if they do you can sue them for sexual harassment haha. This is just how I like to do it though, and it always works. When its cold out I wear a huge PINK sweatshirt with no hoodie or pockets. I’ve made off with over $300 worth of makeup just by shoving everything under it.