Winwardship

Debauchery. Conviction. Resolve.

A noble effort is to construct. An even nobler effort is to maintain. But the noblest remain in not destroying what is

Somewhere, there is a beautiful sunset which means, someone's day is ending beautifully - and each day, that someone could be me

Because of dopamine and its effects on the mind as in the mind craves it I cannot trust my own mind to make wise decisions concerning my future My own mind will betray me and crave the immediate dopamine hit Ransoming my future satisfaction and joy in the process This is why the Bible says lean not to thy own understanding I only understand what satisfies me or satisfies my thought process I tolerate everything else until I can understand Some topics require higher tolerance than others But because I cannot trust my standards for operation I must measure myself against a certified standard that is fixed and does not change I must ensure through regular checks and balances that my systems have not been compromised I mustn't lose hope nor become overtly weary after a stumble I must get up after a fall Don't allow my lows to lull me for too long May their time with me be most expedited For they too will warp what I know in order to stagger what I believe Just to give in to the quickest dopamine kick

I enjoy coming home to you

To the lion and the lamb, the one who forgives and the one who shows mercy, have mercy on me now. Forgive me of my sins, undo my lethal ways after cleansing their transgressions. If You do not forgive me, I will surely perish. If You do not show mercy, I will certainly fail. I do not want to be like the ones who shrink and fade away. I am not like the ones who fade away. I am asking for Your forgiveness, for reconciliation, for healing and for wholeness. I give my pleas to the one who can do something about them. Take my burdens; take my worries - take all of my cares. They weigh me down. They restrict me and I hate that I carry them. I hate that I do what I hate to do. See my scars, the ones no one else can see for You are the all seeing God. See my battle scars - some battles I lost but some I have won. I do not give into sin lightly. My unrighteousness is always with turmoil; it accompanies a tornado of depression and guilt. Oh, how I hate it. I know the separation it causes and the future it compromises. But I also know the one who holds the future. So, do I go on breaking because I know the one who repairs? Absolutely not. Why would I pester and agitate God. Yet, that is what I do. I ignore my commitments and prove that temporary is deliberate: I temporarily put down my husbandry and fatherly titles in order to self indulge. Forgive my regret, oh Lord. Forgive my indulgence and disregard. Take these thorns from me, take them back. It is possible that You give too much to bear. Didn't Christ cry for an alternative before carrying His cross - which included carrying my cross - of sin and shame. I often have arrived to this point of prayer, where I feel like I have resolved in my heart that, nevertheless, not my will but Thy will be done. Often I have sung my plea for mercy, sadly, my testimony for grace is a rehearsed melody. Too frequently I recite lyrics of solemn and violent internal contemplation and poetic lament, wondering how does the God who is love still love me. I am a filthy rag, brackish water unfit to drink. But I am grateful that You love me. I am grateful that I don't understand why You love me. Because I don't understand it, it means that there are divine calculations being formulated and integrations that connect my today and my future happening and it's all too lofty for me to understand- so I am convinced that God has not relinquished me to my own accord. I can still access the eternal barometer and measure my ways against God's standards. This means I have access to the throne room and can speak directly to my intercessor, the lamb and the lion, and beseech the one who was beaten and bruised for my iniquities and the one who is the source of my strength and courage to face my temptations with the assurance that I am equipped to overcome all trials, at any time and in anything. I implore you, Lord, the great designer, the master orchestrator, the loving father, illuminate my righteous path, for Your name sake, that I may fulfill the purpose You designated for my life. In Jesus' name, amen.

Adam and Eve transformed from immortal to mortal.