Xuebing Du
Monterey Bay Aquarium
if i look back, i am lost
Today's Document
Three Goblin Art
AnasAbdin
#extradirty
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I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
cherry valley forever
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2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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Not today Justin
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izzy's playlists!
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Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
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@winthistime
tumblr is so like. meaningless. just clicking around. reading lil poem fragments. reblogging things just bcuz the vibe is good. seeing the same paintings on the dash 5 times in a day. making my little 2 note posts. love it here.
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Liam talking about Harry and Louis (x)
i'm experiencing so many emotions. i'm still in shock, i'm still waiting for someone to come out and say it's all a lie. i also feel bad, and i feel guilty because i lost hope in liam a while ago, i discussed his behavior with my friends and i pitied him... i never wrote anything online bc even for the worst people, i will never write a tweet wishing for them to kill themselves. but i still feel guilty bc i doubted he could get better.
then i think about 1d and how much they mean to me, how big of an impact they had in my life... they saved me. then i think about how all of liam's addictions and mental problems started while in the band. then i feel even more guilty.
i said to a friend "i don't know how the boys survived 1d", and now that statement is not true anymore. i wish he could have gotten better and dealt with all the damage he did to others.
i feel angry too... bc people will reduce everything to "he was good" or "he was bad", but it's way more complex than that. i once said people didn't want him to get better, it was way more entertaining for the outsiders to see him fall and break.
amidst all these mixed emotions is despair, i doubt people will learn from this, i know the press will have a feast, i know people will reduce liam to his death and his wrongdoings.
i know that a lot of people won't understand how we feel, they will even call us names for hurting at the news... but i know there are some of us who just get it, because we feel it.
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All I can keep thinking about is that scene from This Is Us- where Karen Payne is talking to Jay about how the boys just stopped living at home one day. And how she had the cutout of Liam with his longer curly hair so she could go in and say goodnight to it. And how he’s never coming home to her again. And how none of this is fair. Not one single bit of it.
trying to process that 1D will never be 1D again. Ever.
that line in best song ever “i hope you’ll remember how we danced” hits me like a truck every time and it makes me so sad but also really happy because like we all know that one direction were always such terrible terrible dancers but despite that they always got up on stage and did their own thing and just had fun and tbh i’m going to remember every single moment i’ve shared with them for the rest of my life and like as trivial as that line seems it means the world to me
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i have no idea how to process this. it’s not unfathomable and it’s something i’ve thought about many times but i don’t actually know how to process it. what do you mean he was such an integral part of me growing up and he did some fucked up things in part bc of the fucked up environment he grew up in and now he’s DEAD and can’t do anything to try and make amends. what do u mean the boys now means harry louis liam niall zayn. what do you mean he left behind a child less than 10 years old. what the fuck do you mean
I feel so fucking lucky to have been shaped into the person I am today by One Direction. 2024 me does not exist as I am today, without them. How lucky am I to have be changed by them. I’m here today on this tumblr, with all of you- friends, mutuals, strangers- because of them. One Direction will always be woven into the fabric of my memories, experiences and dreams. That is a truth that cannot change. I am so so lucky to have loved them and be loved by so many of you because of them. Wow.
We had some good times, didn't we? We had some good tricks up our sleeve Goodbyes are bittersweet But it's not the end I'll see your face again
Liam was a boy, and then a man, who suffered so much trauma and pain. He was bullied as a child and then lived a nightmare that I think none of us can really imagine of having that triggering experience replicated on a literally global public scale. He became a man who inflicted trauma on others. He was an addict who was unable to find a way out of that disease, and now never will, but who was open and vulnerable about his struggles. He was an incredibly talented musician and artist and an absolutely integral part of one of the most important bands of a generation; his voice and songwriting and skill in the studio shaped every aspect of what One Direction became at their best. He loved that band and being a part of that experience with his whole being and would never have stopped celebrating what they meant to us and to the world. He had problems and did bad things; that doesn't mean he was a bad person who didn't deserve to be loved and helped to heal- everyone deserves that- and the fact that that's not something that can ever happen now is devastating. I was very distressed by many of his actions; and I cared deeply about this man I didn't know and wished for better for him than this outcome.
I'm so deeply, deeply SAD tonight. I'm sad for Liam, who will never now have the chance to look back on this hard time and reflect on how far he's come, and for Liam's family, for his parents and his sisters who loved and supported him so much, and for everyone in the 1D band family and circles. And I'm sad for us. It feels like nothing will ever be quite the same, and that's hard and sad and shocking. It's a special kind of doubled grief, to mourn the loss of the person, and also of what he meant to us in this strange world of parasocial fanning, for the real him and also for the version of him that we made up and attached so much meaning to and for the escape that brought us. For him, and also for the easy uncomplicated joy of listening to those beautiful songs from happier times, which might never feel the same again. For the other boys, who we love so much and wish we could shield from suffering and loss and pain. For our fellow fans, who we also worry about the impact of this on. Everything about this is terrible, and I am sending so much love out to all of you. We are not alone, and it's okay to feel complicated emotions and it's okay to mourn and it's okay to care about how it effects you and your life, whatever you're feeling- it's okay. We are here with you. We are 1D family.
i just keep thinking about louis and all of his writing about grief in his music. how he lost the mother who was his best friend and then just over a year later one of his little sisters, and now he's losing someone else who meant so so much to him - who was at one point or several points of his life his best friend. he's lost so much and now he's losing liam too. it just feels so surreal. none of this feels like it's real.
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it just can’t be real. i wanted him to hold himself accountable and and find help and get better not this, never fucking this oh my god
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