lemongrass

What sport do you play?

“It was but I wasn’t that bright when I was thirteen.”

[Hesitantly] Um… Kind of, I guess?..

Ooh, great. Good? Bad? Details, maybe?

[Chuckles] Well, thank you Winnie.

{She brushes her hand away to push away the thanks she didn’t think she needed.} Enough about the sappy stuff, anyways. Let’s talk about you. Anything new?

This is why I stay uninvolved with sports.

What’s wrong with sports?

“No the word Dutch word for breaking up sounds like the English word for making out. “make out” and “maak uit”. It sounds alike.”

[Chuckles] Yes, that’s very true.

You know I’ve got your back despite everything, right, Trinity? Like... I believe in your recovery, even if Mom and Dad don’t. And hey, should anyone mess with you, I am the running back for the team, after all. And I’m just a phone call away.

[Sad smile] Thank you, Winnie… Really. I appreciate that..

Yeah well... We are family, after all.

[Feeling guilty] Well… I mean.. Thanksgiving is coming up… I had Thanksgiving with Mom last year, that’s when she met Quincy…. I mean… Maybe we could do something. Maybe.

Trinity, you don’t have to make all these plans with the family if you don’t want to. It’s obvious I have a different outlook on our situation, where I want more of it and you’re content with the way it is. And that’s okay. You don’t have to make plans, you don’t have to reconcile. Honest. I just figured I’d suggest it once in our lives before we whither away and it’s too late. But there’s no point in you forcing yourself into something you don’t want.

Oh. Do you do sports yourself or do you just watch it?

Both. I’m on several teams, and I watch them regularly.

[shrugs] Why would you like sports?

It’s a game, you see? You have fun. I suppose you wouldn’t like it then, but it’s enjoyable. Healthy competition, that’s all.

[Quietly, defeated] Look… I’m sorry, Winnie… I just.. I can’t think about it. Not right now, there’s too much going on.

No, no I get it. Maybe... Maybe next year we can try again.

I know I can’t deny it… I’m not. That’s just… That’s how things have always been… Okay, may you want the ideal mother and daughter relationship. But you haven’t lived with the woman for the past eight years. She’s unbearable.

...I guess I can’t change your mind then.

[Bitter laugh] Okay, I love you but are you fucking serious? Don’t try to guilt trip me, that’s not fair. Have I been the apple of their eye, their good little daughter? No. Not even close. That’s what you were. So I can understand why you see the good in them. No, I wasn’t an easy child to raise. I was a mess, that’s why they gave you more structure, so you wouldn’t end up like me. But the reality of it is is that I’ve talked to Dad a couple of times in the last year, but the last time I saw him was when they dropped me off at rehab. And I can’t talk to Mom anymore because she never took my recovery seriously. She was expecting me to fuck up, she was never proud of all the progress that I made. [Takes a deep breath] But, you know what? Mother is always right, because look at me; I’m a fucking mess, like usual. [In a kinder tone] I’m sorry, Winnie… But I just… I can’t do it. We were just raised differently. We may have been raised by the same parents, but they treated us differently. That’s why things are the way they are. And I’m sorry.

Come on now, that isn’t fair... You’re the first one, the first kids are always the hardest. No parent knows what they’re doing the first time, and most of the time they’re guessing on the second one, basing it off of the first, and so on and so forth. Like I said, they... They’re not the best. If they were, I could only imagine the bond we’d all have. But our family... It’s strayed and no one’s really close in a family way. We’re just... Practically acquaintances who have a few things to occasionally bond over. You can’t deny that; I mean we’re sisters and we have nothing to talk about. Yeah, Mom’s kinda shit for not taking your progress seriously and I’m not excusing her for that in the slightest. It’s just... I don’t know. Sometimes the longer you hold onto a grudge, it brings more pain than not. Like... There won’t be any progress, you won’t get to see her grow and she won’t get to see you grow and you won’t get the ideal mother and daughter relationship that we both want.

Yes, there is. And you know that. Besides, it’s not like they want to hear from me anyways. If Mom really cared about what was going on in my life, she would pick up the phone and call like a normal mother. And don’t even get me started on our dear father.

Oh come on, Trinity. I know they don’t get the parent of the year award. Ever. But, they’re not the worst. They might not care all that much about our interests or whatever, but they could’ve done far worse. What if... What if Dad has a heart attack tonight and you can’t make amends tomorrow? It’s worth just fixing it. Be the bigger person.